Where I'm at...

Old 04-17-2010, 12:30 PM
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Where I'm at...

Well today has been a gorgeous day in England. It ain't easy being a recovering alcoholic as when the sun is out and it's a glorious day memories of the old days come flooding back, also everyone is arranging their nights out around the pubs drinking and all that jazz.

That ain't the issue really though. Recovery is hard as uneasy psychological 'issues' that I have/had are ever present and I don't think are really going to go away. Some days I am much better than others but other days it can all get a bit too much and I just can't be doing with it and I can start to get upset about why me etc... Then the obvious reaction of just wanting to escape come as it just starts to do my head in and I just generally start getting annoyed about why I can't just snap myself out of it.

I have realised that if I am to get to the next stage of my recovery, where I wan't to be, then I am going to have to get help to sort my mental health out, it isn't as bad as it once was, far from it infact, and in every other area of my life I am doing well. You would not think there was anything wrong with me but I know that one issue has to be addressed if I am to be truly free in my recovery. I have realised that this will have to be done down the mental health route.

I have finally booked a doctors appointment for next week, which in itself is a big step for me, regarding getting my sinuses sorted out as I suffer quite abit from sinus/nasal problems caused I would suspect from my drug use from the past few years. That ain't going to sort itself out either I don't think without some antibiotics or something but whilst I'm there I think I'm going to ask to see the psychologist I used to see back from a few years ago. I was drinking/drugging heavy throughout that period of my life but core 'issues' I had from then have not completely gone away so i feel that now is the time to start working on them. Not something I will look forward to as it can be very painful but I guess it would enable me to move to being totally free in my recovery which is where I wish to be.

It's always difficult because some days I feel great and the 'issue' ain't really there but other days it gets me down and i struggle to shake it. No-one else would notice there was anything wrong with me and to a large extent there really isn't, but i feel if I can get this addressed then i can be totally free and I look forward to that day. That day is what keeps me spurred on in recovery.

Other than that I'm doing very well in life, other than the obvious little niggles someone who is 24 and don't drink would feel on a sweltering day but I wanted to post this as SR really has helped me in my recovery.

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Old 04-17-2010, 12:52 PM
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Recovery is Not Easy Neo.. and For a 24 Year Old it Has To Be (in Some Ways) Even More Difficult! i Speak From Experience as i Too Was Sober During My Mid 20's For 17 months.. You Are inspiring Keep Up The Great Work!
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Old 04-17-2010, 01:37 PM
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Great work on booking the doctor's appointment, hope you get a clean bill of health! It's good to see you are doing well overall.

Peace, health, and happiness to you!

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Old 04-17-2010, 02:37 PM
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I'm glad you booked the Dr - it was a big cathartic step for me too Neo

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Old 04-17-2010, 02:46 PM
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Neo, good for you for recognizing the 'next layer' of recovery work that needs to be done and for booking an appointment with the dr.

I have anxiety issues that I have to deal with. I don't take medication for it, but it's often a struggle for me. It helps me to remember to not compare myself with other people, but to do what I know is right for me.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:53 PM
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Neo thank you for sharing. I think of my hubby and others who will have a pint or two or a very light jack and coke and then they stop. They know their limits. They stop and come off the high and won't touch it until maybe another social event. I on the other hand can't just have 1 or 2 or just at a wedding or something. For me it becomes part of my life. Yeah....few days off but then 4 days on.

I am so proud and happy for you. Yayyy!!!
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Old 04-17-2010, 05:52 PM
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Neo...I am continually amazed at you. I'm very impressed that you not only want to be sober, but you want that sobriety to grow...and grow and grow! It would be so easy to become complacent, and then blame a huge relapse on your young age.

I think your role on SR is huge as an aide to young people getting and staying sober.

You're young enough to be one of my kids. I only hope my own kids follow your lead to sobriety.

I hope you let us know how your appointment goes!
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Old 04-18-2010, 12:49 AM
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Wow, this post strikes some chords....and all I can say is adressing these issues is a great decision Neo.

Recovery is hard as uneasy psychological 'issues' that I have/had are ever present and I don't think are really going to go away. Some days I am much better than others but other days it can all get a bit too much and I just can't be doing with it and I can start to get upset about why me etc...
I can relate because more than half a year after I got sober, I felt the same need to work through some pretty though stuff that I had been dragging along since my childhood and that was still affecting me. Will these issues go away completely some day- I'm not sure, maybe not completely, but it is possible to learn n to handle them differently, and with a different outlook.
It can be another step towards a more content sobriety and life. It's just awesome- you see there is something that has to be done to progress further and you decide to take action.
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Old 04-18-2010, 02:43 AM
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Aye it is hard when you are young and everyone else is out "enjoying" themselves. I started trying at 26 (42 now) and found it torture - especially barbecue weather, sitting out in the garden etc.

It can be hard indeed, but we are still here and still posting - thanks for sharing!
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Old 04-18-2010, 05:46 AM
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Thanks for sharing, Neo. I've had to deal with issues too. Issues that I used to drink away. I find these things to be a bit scary, but at the same time I find them challenging and feel that by dealing with them I'm starting to grow as a person.
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Old 04-18-2010, 09:46 AM
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hiya we say in the UK fair play Neo -well done so far -hope your success grows as u want
i wish u much luck and its wicked your applying yourself at your age - i wish i had lol
take care
(also in the uk)
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Old 04-18-2010, 10:07 AM
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Wow Neo, what a lovely, honest post. It inspired me today and I thank you for that. You should feel proud of yourself..sounds like you're on the right track.
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Old 04-20-2010, 04:53 AM
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Back from Doctors. Positive steps forward in my recovery. I have reached the stage now in my recovery where I am 'ready' to face certain issues that I have. I never could face them properly before and was an active alcoholic/addict too.

Now I feel I have reached a really good stage in my recovery where I am just looking to enhance my life by taking my recovery on to the next natural step. I am feeling positive about it, as it's the only thing in my life that is not where it could potentially be. Everything else is going sweet relatively speaking.

I cannot help but to feel proud at where I have gotten to. This time last year I was f*cked. Totally and utterly.

It can be done as long as you " Keep on keeping on". Always do what is right for you. To Thine Ownself be true.

peace and Love
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