Please
member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Please
As I posted elsewhere, I haven't been doing well lately. To be blunt, I'm a wreck, LOL - emotionally, mentally, physically... my relationships are suffering too.
BUT:
Two years ago, I finally accepted that I had a very real problem: alcohol addiction... and, way past the end of my tether, I set out to find a solution.
While working on my current mess of a situation, it dawned on me today that the effort I've been investing in recovery has been paying off. Throughout my latest meltdown, getting plastered never crossed my mind.
Alcohol is not a solution or an option for me - this simple idea has made itself at home within my -very thick- skull, and is now a part of my reality. I've learned to accept my limitations.
(BTW, this is not intended to be a self-congratulatory "
for Matt" thread.)
My intention is to encourage our newcomers as well as our regular members:
Please, do not give up, there are many options: SR, AA, SMART, Lifering, therapy, prayer, IOP, rehab, meditation, exorcism ;-) ... If one doesn't work out, keep trying, do whatever it takes.
What is working for me -and many others in this community- basically boils down to peer support: I couldn't do it alone.
If you're reading this as a guest and need help, sign up right now - don't be like me, I used SR.com as my browser homepage and lurked -usually drunk- for 3 years before finally deciding to become a member.
And.. this community probably saved my life.
It doesn't matter if you're a guest or a long time member, if you are struggling with addiction, PLEASE REACH OUT! You'll be doing yourself a favour -probably the biggest favour of your life- and you will also be helping us out. Never stop reaching out, you are not alone.
Just reach out.
Please?
BUT:
Two years ago, I finally accepted that I had a very real problem: alcohol addiction... and, way past the end of my tether, I set out to find a solution.
While working on my current mess of a situation, it dawned on me today that the effort I've been investing in recovery has been paying off. Throughout my latest meltdown, getting plastered never crossed my mind.
Alcohol is not a solution or an option for me - this simple idea has made itself at home within my -very thick- skull, and is now a part of my reality. I've learned to accept my limitations.
(BTW, this is not intended to be a self-congratulatory "
for Matt" thread.)My intention is to encourage our newcomers as well as our regular members:
Please, do not give up, there are many options: SR, AA, SMART, Lifering, therapy, prayer, IOP, rehab, meditation, exorcism ;-) ... If one doesn't work out, keep trying, do whatever it takes.
What is working for me -and many others in this community- basically boils down to peer support: I couldn't do it alone.
If you're reading this as a guest and need help, sign up right now - don't be like me, I used SR.com as my browser homepage and lurked -usually drunk- for 3 years before finally deciding to become a member.
And.. this community probably saved my life.
It doesn't matter if you're a guest or a long time member, if you are struggling with addiction, PLEASE REACH OUT! You'll be doing yourself a favour -probably the biggest favour of your life- and you will also be helping us out. Never stop reaching out, you are not alone.
Just reach out.
Please?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Matt, you're one of our best - always inspirational and wise. I remember the first time I went through a crisis and didn't reach for a drink - I was amazed. Somehow the idea of falling back on booze was no longer an option. I credit the people of SR with giving me the encouragement I lacked. The support I found here was what I needed to gather up the strength to stop the insanity. Thank you, Matt.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
thanks for sharing Matt...
it's hard to "be a wreck" and be able to continue to put one foot in front of the other, no matter what, and take care of business, and to trust that it will pass eventually. but you are doing it.
keep up the good work
it's hard to "be a wreck" and be able to continue to put one foot in front of the other, no matter what, and take care of business, and to trust that it will pass eventually. but you are doing it.
keep up the good work
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Matt, I'm sorry that you have been having problems, but I'm really glad that you aren't seeing alcohol as a solution to them. That's the goal, isn't it? To sever that knee-jerk reaction to run and hide and to really realize (oh, that elusive line) that alcohol will do nothing but add to our troubles. Good for you and I'm sending you cyber strength to get through this period. As you know, (again, IMHO, an elusive realization), it will pass...maybe not as soon as you would like, but eventually.
BTW, why didn't exorcism ever occur to me. Sheesh, I tried everything else!!
BTW, why didn't exorcism ever occur to me. Sheesh, I tried everything else!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
great thought Matt...your posting will speak to so many of us.
I have a lot of the same issues and for the first time in years i know that alcohol doesn't help..it's simply not the option to solve my problems.
I have a lot of the same issues and for the first time in years i know that alcohol doesn't help..it's simply not the option to solve my problems.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Matt, thanks for posting this. It's a good and gentle reminder to the lurkers that they can be a part of a truly amazing support system.
It also reminds me of something my angel sponsor used to tell me, "IT doesn't always get better... but we get better IN it."
It also reminds me of something my angel sponsor used to tell me, "IT doesn't always get better... but we get better IN it."
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Thank you Matt and I too FINALLY came to the same solution regarding alcohol not being the answer it pretended to be for so many years. You are a great soul and if only our words could lift you up until you were blinded with our love and light. If only . . ., but I will continue praying for you my friend.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 40
Mattcake79, thanks for your post.
I am in a moderation phase albeit I still drink slightly more than I'm comfortable with. 60% AF days this year to date which is much better than any recent year. Long term goal is abstinence by the age of 40. I'm not ready for abstinence just yet. I am aware that many posters here (with good reason) disagree with the moderation approach, but I truly don't expect or want to go back to my bottle of wine a night habit, and without wanting to tempt fate, I think I'm out of that phase of my life for good. My problem is I still like the taste of beer and 'a good beer buzz', as Sheryl Crowe's song put it. Funnily enough, I never really liked the taste of wine all that much so I don't miss it in the slightest! But also, for me, having a reasonable exercise regimen for the first time in years is a powerful motivator not to go back to drinking most nights.
In your post you mention lurking for a long time before joining. I lurked for a short period (around two months) before joining. I don't post much, however, as given that I still drink I don't want to negatively impact on others' abstinence.
Just one point I would make. If new posters are told an all or nothing approach is the only way forward this is not necessarily encouraging. Personally, I'm the kind of person that has to do things at my own pace. Perhaps this is partially why the lurkers prefer to lurk rather than join, because they're just not ready for abstinence yet.
I am in a moderation phase albeit I still drink slightly more than I'm comfortable with. 60% AF days this year to date which is much better than any recent year. Long term goal is abstinence by the age of 40. I'm not ready for abstinence just yet. I am aware that many posters here (with good reason) disagree with the moderation approach, but I truly don't expect or want to go back to my bottle of wine a night habit, and without wanting to tempt fate, I think I'm out of that phase of my life for good. My problem is I still like the taste of beer and 'a good beer buzz', as Sheryl Crowe's song put it. Funnily enough, I never really liked the taste of wine all that much so I don't miss it in the slightest! But also, for me, having a reasonable exercise regimen for the first time in years is a powerful motivator not to go back to drinking most nights.
In your post you mention lurking for a long time before joining. I lurked for a short period (around two months) before joining. I don't post much, however, as given that I still drink I don't want to negatively impact on others' abstinence.
Just one point I would make. If new posters are told an all or nothing approach is the only way forward this is not necessarily encouraging. Personally, I'm the kind of person that has to do things at my own pace. Perhaps this is partially why the lurkers prefer to lurk rather than join, because they're just not ready for abstinence yet.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Ferarri
You make some interesting points. I don't want this to turn into another one of 'those' threads but, basically all we can do here is share our experience.
I tried exactly what you're doing and it didn't work for me.
It would be irresponsible of me, or anyone else, to suggest otherwise.
But I also recognise people have their own journeys - I learned a lot doing things the way I did, even if it was the hard way.
I welcome anyone here, whatever their view - I like to think that we as a community can make it comfortable for people at all points in the journey to stick around...but we shouldn't shy away from telling it straight either
D
You make some interesting points. I don't want this to turn into another one of 'those' threads but, basically all we can do here is share our experience.
I tried exactly what you're doing and it didn't work for me.
It would be irresponsible of me, or anyone else, to suggest otherwise.
But I also recognise people have their own journeys - I learned a lot doing things the way I did, even if it was the hard way.
I welcome anyone here, whatever their view - I like to think that we as a community can make it comfortable for people at all points in the journey to stick around...but we shouldn't shy away from telling it straight either
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Thank you, Matt...
...for the reminder that recovery is not a one-size-fits-all deal.
There are many recovery program options and any one or combination of them can be ours if we just reach out and ask for help. The strength is in continuing to try until we find what works for each of us.
Don't just believe in miracles, insist on them and in the process, you may find that you have become one of them.
...for the reminder that recovery is not a one-size-fits-all deal.
There are many recovery program options and any one or combination of them can be ours if we just reach out and ask for help. The strength is in continuing to try until we find what works for each of us.
Don't just believe in miracles, insist on them and in the process, you may find that you have become one of them.
member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Hi Ferrari
Nobody is *told* that an all-or-nothing approach is the only way to go, just as nobody is *told* to get sober The vast majority of SRites (I think I've invented a word!) are here to receive support for their personal shared goal of complete abstinence and recovery from addiction - that's the whole point of the site.
"Shared goal" is the key term, IMHO. When I joined SR, I had been sober for one day - if you feel like it, search my old threads, and you'll see that I slipped a few times since then. I wasn't berated, on the contrary, my peers were concerned and very encouraging because they knew that I *was* ready for abstinence - not only because I was a member of SR, but because I had clearly stated my goal.
Many members join the site before committing to abstinence - just as SR does not endorse drug/alcohol use, being sober is not a requisite for membership. Let's face it, if that were the case, I doubt we'd have thousands of members... upon registration, none of us encountered a breath analyser ;-) Seriously though, there are plenty of sites dedicated to moderation management, this isn't one of them.
I love Sheryl Crow. When she sobered up, she changed that lyric to "I love a good milk buzz early in the morning".
I do hope things work out for you - it sounds like you genuinely want abstinence, albeit long term. Once you've made that decision, you know where to find us. In the meantime, no one is preventing you from posting, as long as you follow the SR rules - it IS your life, after all
Take care =)
Originally Posted by ferrari355 
If new posters are told an all or nothing approach is the only way forward this is not necessarily encouraging. Personally, I'm the kind of person that has to do things at my own pace. Perhaps this is partially why the lurkers prefer to lurk rather than join, because they're just not ready for abstinence yet.
The vast majority of SRites (I think I've invented a word!) are here to receive support for their personal shared goal of complete abstinence and recovery from addiction - that's the whole point of the site. "Shared goal" is the key term, IMHO. When I joined SR, I had been sober for one day - if you feel like it, search my old threads, and you'll see that I slipped a few times since then. I wasn't berated, on the contrary, my peers were concerned and very encouraging because they knew that I *was* ready for abstinence - not only because I was a member of SR, but because I had clearly stated my goal.
Many members join the site before committing to abstinence - just as SR does not endorse drug/alcohol use, being sober is not a requisite for membership. Let's face it, if that were the case, I doubt we'd have thousands of members... upon registration, none of us encountered a breath analyser ;-) Seriously though, there are plenty of sites dedicated to moderation management, this isn't one of them.
Originally Posted by ferrari355
My problem is I still like the taste of beer and 'a good beer buzz', as Sheryl Crowe's song put it.
Originally Posted by ferrari355
I am in a moderation phase albeit I still drink slightly more than I'm comfortable with (...) Long term goal is abstinence by the age of 40. I'm not ready for abstinence just yet (...) I don't post much, however, as given that I still drink I don't want to negatively impact on others' abstinence.
Take care =)
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