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Two years on SR!!

Old 04-15-2010, 10:23 AM
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Two years on SR!!

And back to day 1........I feel miserable. I was wondering how long I had been signed up on SR and it's been just over 2 years. Why is it taking me so long to take action? Why don't I go to a meeting? How many more excuses can I come up with? Why must I hide behind a computer screen? I am terrified, and it is not fun.
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:32 AM
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well...you know you are here and you are alive...that is a start....

I was terrified when i got sober too...I really didn't think i could be sober...i was hopeless...and i was fortunate that someone told me that that is exactly where i was suppose to be in that moment...

You mentionede meetings..and there are lots of different ways for some people to get sober....or rather it's different for lots of people...but for me...going to AA, buddhism, and SR have finally draged me into sobriety
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:46 AM
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I am new here, right now I am working on day 3. Hard time with withdrawals, anxiety and emotions.
You are on here so that is some motivation.
I am taking this day minute by minute.
Read, read, read these forums. Try and go to a meeting.
Dean
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:48 AM
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nothing changes unless something changes !!
You ever go back over some of your original posts from two years ago??
If, I get a flat tire, I can sit and complain about it forever. That's not going to change the tire though
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:54 AM
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Mate, I always thought the same thing. The idea of being sober for the rest of my life is terrifying...when in reality the idea of drinking for the rest of my life is far far worse.

I'm going to an exam in 5 minutes that I almost messed up completely cause of my last binge which ended on Monday giving me 2 days to study, one of which was a withdrawal day.. I mean a year of work almost thrown away because of what? So I could feel awful? So I could stay bed ridden drinking whiskey for days? Fun.

Go to AA. The people are just as wonderful and understanding as they are on this forum. They will definitely give you a major boost.
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Old 04-15-2010, 04:28 PM
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Hi Oddman,

I hope that you can make the decision to stay sober.

We do understand how hard it is and I know you will continue to find support here.
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Old 04-15-2010, 04:33 PM
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Hi Oddman

I'm sorry. If I had been on SR for all my drinking career I would have had some 15 years of :wtf2:

I don't have answers for your questions - I only know for myself I didn't want to have to change - I didn't want to have to work on myself, or go to meetings, I didn't even want to stop drinking - I just wanted to not drink so much.

I finally realised that I was killing myself and to stop that process I had to make changes. There was no other way.

Be smarter than I was Oddman and don't let it get to that.
Change is scary, sure - but I promise you it's a change for the better.

Start off with something achievable.
I will not drink just for today works wonders for a lot of folks.

I hope you'll think about answering some of your own questions
D
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:19 PM
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I'm sorry to know you are still suffering....

Why not ask your best friend to go to a meeting with you?
You won't have to talk....unless you choose to.
It's free...and you can drink coffee for an hour
just listen to what others are saying.

I sure was not thrilled that I was an alcoholic
who required drastic changes to find a way out...
I certainly hope you will take action.
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Old 04-16-2010, 05:48 AM
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Oddman, coming to that realization is progress in itself. It sounds like you're tired of being stuck on square one. I was so afraid to face the unknown of being sober - after years of falling back on alcohol to cope with everything. Little did I know, I was making life so much worse & more complicated by staying numb and in a fog.

It sounds like you're getting ready to take the next step. Whatever it turns out to be for you, we're with you all the way. Please keep posting.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Oddman View Post
And back to day 1........I feel miserable. I was wondering how long I had been signed up on SR and it's been just over 2 years.
Hey there Oddman, the past is gone - try to let go of it and not compare your self-worth today to your SR membership date. That was then, this is now.

Fear of the unknown is very common.

Do what you can do to improve your situation today - heck, for the next hour if that's what it takes - it's all about baby steps. Posting here is a great start. You can do this.

Focus on right now, where you're at, at this moment.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:53 AM
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Sitting on a computer on SR clearly isn't enough is it? 2 years is a pretty good effort IMO! But this is not working for you, it might for others but not for you!

Maybe you could do what Carol suggested? Do you have a friend or family member that would go with you to an AA meeting, you could even ring the telephone number associated with the meeting in your area and tell them that you want to come down with a family member for your first meeting and that you are nervous...i've seen a closed meeting turned into an open one because someone new turns up with a non-alcohllic friend, believe me you will be more than welcome!

I was scared witless of going to a meeting, my friend took me beginning of last year when i was still drinking...you would have laughed, here is this loud mouthed big guy who suddenly turned into a quiet mouse staring at the table all the meeting through...absolutely petrified...i sometimes wonder if it is because i knew they knew me if you see what i mean whereas everyone else just saw who i wanted them to see...felt a bit naked y'know?!
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Old 04-16-2010, 03:14 PM
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hi - i've been coming here almost 2 yrs so i know how u feel! the point is u obvoiusly want help like i did but u need to push if u want this!
i've just started my dtox...
wish u all the luck
Karma
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Old 04-16-2010, 03:55 PM
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Day by Day--April 16th 2010

"Our ideal of staying clean and sober has to be made practical and must be put to work. At the practical level many of us lack commitment to our ideal, and some of us may even believe that the program won't work for us. Such a belief only serves to give us an excuse not to build our ideals into reality. Fear and selfishness always stand in our way. We must work hard to hold to our ideals when lack of belief, fear and selfishness stand in our way."

I've been reading these books (must have at least 10 of them BB included!) and I have never given a commitment to the program. No meeting for me. I see what I HAVE to do if I truly want the ideal of being (and remaining) sober. But I am still scared.................and I don't even really know why.......
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Old 04-17-2010, 08:57 AM
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Well, I guess all I know is what I was scared of. I was scared of a sober holiday, I mean who could do that? And why in the hell would they want to?

I was scared of relationships. Beer didn't talk back to me.

I was scared of not being able to sleep sober. I never gave it a shot, but I sure was scared of it.

I was scared of really looking at me. Facing up to me. Living with me.

It's so nice not to be scared anymore. So nice. I can not put into words the peace that sobriety has given me. I truly feel like I have come through hell....and I mostly like myself!

You gotta want it. You gotta want it more than you want anything....ever. And really, you gotta want it for you. It's the most 'selfish' thing you'll ever do for yourself. And, once you do it, you aren't so selfish anymore.

Come to SR. Every Day.
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Old 04-17-2010, 10:33 AM
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I've been here as long as you have. I now have four months sober. We CAN recover. It just takes some of us longer to 'get it'. Keep trying. Try something different. Don't give up.
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