Notices

Never had 5 mos before.

Old 04-12-2010, 10:37 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
 
Aysha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Never had 5 mos before.

Here it is. 5 months of clean time. I havent ever had this long clean. I started doing drugs at 12. Thats a long time to be messed up.
I am still not impressed. I can lose it just like that.
I have been feeling off lately. I see a pattern forming and I dont like it.
But I can tell on myself now. And to the right people. Not the ones who dont understand and just enable me.
Its the thought of shame and guilt that keeps me going right now. Before it was bliss. Later it may be something else. Whatever works I guess.
I seriously need a sponsor. At a meeting last week there was this speakert and she said " If you dont get a sponsor and work the steps, then why are you here?"
Well said. Commitment and service work keeps me coming back. I still struggle with the happily wanting to go. I go because I know I need to and I do feel better most of the time when I do.
I am beginning to deal with life clean for the first time. No drugs, no nicotine. Its tough.
I never want to go back there. I am doing my 1st step at treatment to morrow. Thats got me all nervous. Opening myself up like that in front of the entire day treatment.
I dont see why that helps. But whatever.
I am not working a 100% program. I am doing almost the minimum. And thats not good either.
Once I get settled with the new job, I will put more effort back in.
But I need to make sure I dont get lazy or too complacent.
That is when I always mess it up.
LOL..5 months. I couldnt even put 5 minutes together most of the time before.
My journey started here at SR. You guys have seen my worst. And still accepted me. Still stood by me and held me up when all I wanted to do was die.
I have said it so many times before. There arent words to explain how grateful I am to you all.
But I have the clean time funk blues that happens sometimes.
But alot of things are weighing on me too.
I will make it.
I just want to thank you guys for helping me get here.
Aysha is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 10:43 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Congratulations!! Sounds like your "thinker" is working over time again. You go girl! You have done 5 months, which you say you have never done before. Dare I say, that deserves a pat on the back!! LOL! I have never seen someone that self analyzes as you do. You are incredible and we at SR are lucky to have you.

Signed your enabling friend, Sarah
Horselover is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 11:24 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
dedubya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Hey
That is so inspiring Aysha- you are one strong lady. I can tell you from experience that I had around 3 or so months sober (for the first time in my life since 15ish) last year- I am mid 40s. I felt fantastic but fragile. I felt like I finally had control, real control. Then I pretty much dropped the atom bomb and decided to have a couple (around 3) beers one day. I stopped at 3, and guess what- I am totally back on my old habits (quite a bit less but it still OWNS me).
Hang in my Friend. I am trying hard now to get to where you are- don't take it for granted......
Peace and Love
Dub
dedubya is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 11:27 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
member
 
Mattcake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Well done, Trish. You're right... you can choose to "lose" it just like that - or you can keep doing the right thing, like you are right now, and add whatever is necessary to go the extra mile.

Mattcake is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 11:32 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Psalm 118:24
 
CAPTAINZING2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
grats to you on 5 months
CAPTAINZING2000 is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 11:43 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,668
Way to go on five months!!
least is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 11:50 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
NewBeginning010's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Great job on five months

Re the funk/blues, try to get out for a walk or get some exercise. Having a coffee with a friend & having a tasty treat helps too {reaches for a piece of dark chocolate}.

Keep up the great work! :day6
NewBeginning010 is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 01:50 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
AWOL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Five months is amazing. Keep it up Aysha. Yes you are one strong person, and
a trailblazer. For some of us relative newcomers, five months sounds like a millennium!
AWOL is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 01:58 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,038
Congratulations Trish
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 03:21 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
mirage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Glad to hear about your 5 months..great job!
mirage is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 03:50 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,325
Good for you, Trish!
Anna is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 04:10 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 224
Congratulations. And I don't blame you for being nervous opening up tomorrow. I get like that too. I usually feel so relieved and good after I do it though.

Your accomplishments sound awesome to me.
Houndheart is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 04:19 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
CarolD is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 06:52 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
6/20/08
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Awesome job on 5 months!
coffeenut is offline  
Old 04-12-2010, 07:00 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Omega10's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Well done on the 5 months! Congratulations!!!
Omega10 is offline  
Old 04-13-2010, 02:07 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rusty Zipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
But whatever.
ok trish, thats the jerry springer attitude that "Has to, Must" Go!

imo, i still smell resistance.

you know i'm rooting for you,

so again,

knock it off, and get a sponsor thats tougher then you...

hey, i'm available! lol
Rusty Zipper is offline  
Old 04-13-2010, 03:28 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Andi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 159
Wow,

All I can say (as a newbie on day 11) is that you must be doing something right to have reached your 5 months!
Way to go and good luck on "fine-tuning" your process.
Andi is offline  
Old 04-13-2010, 03:38 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
four812's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
way to go aysha

i hope you find the "wonder" spot in your heart that lives and strives towards the light as does a flower
four812 is offline  
Old 04-13-2010, 06:10 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Roadr440's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 274
Congrats on 5 months Aysha, Stay strong, just like your doing!!!
Roadr440 is offline  
Old 04-13-2010, 07:21 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
littlefish's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I just want to say that your post made my day Trish! I remember last year when you absolutely refused to consider meetings and a f2f program. You have made such incredible progress!
And you should be proud of yourself.

I would have to second the idea that step work is important. I fluttered around the rooms of AA for over a year without having a sponsor or working the steps. (I know you blend NA with AA)...
I didn't make much progress.

Working the steps has been a challenge and a hard look in the mirror that I didn't really want to do. My sponsor coddled me for a while with steps 1 to 3, but she took off the kid gloves at step 4 and it was tough. (I told her she put on her boxing gloves). But it is liberating to finally understand how situations in my life REALLY go down, and to see how those situations include my involvement....
Keep up the good work, you are doing great!
littlefish is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:31 AM.