angry and lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 37
angry and lonely
I've got just over two months sober (for the 2nd time) thought I had that spiritual change a few days after the last slip. Had a great since of peace and no more up and downs since then.
Until this last week. I did my 5th step with my sponsor and have felt like crap off and on since. I think our daily phone calls have gotten shorter since then. I think he thinks less of me now, though he of course says he doesn't, but he doesn't seem as comfortable with me anymore.
I was leaving for a meeting when my starter went out tonight. Waited for my wife to get home and went to the meeting 20 min late, then they closed the meeting 12 min early! Uhg!
I'm just feeling very hopeless tonight, like I'm going to have these days/weeks of life sucking and wanting a drink forever. I thought I was done with that!
Until this last week. I did my 5th step with my sponsor and have felt like crap off and on since. I think our daily phone calls have gotten shorter since then. I think he thinks less of me now, though he of course says he doesn't, but he doesn't seem as comfortable with me anymore.
I was leaving for a meeting when my starter went out tonight. Waited for my wife to get home and went to the meeting 20 min late, then they closed the meeting 12 min early! Uhg!
I'm just feeling very hopeless tonight, like I'm going to have these days/weeks of life sucking and wanting a drink forever. I thought I was done with that!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Guelph, Ontario
Posts: 640
That's hard hun, I never did a 5 step because been to afraid to do that, so your strong and that's good!! It's natural you'd feel bad after sharing that stuff. hugs hope stuff gets better for you!! That's annoying about the meeting. Hang in there. <3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by coffeenut 
Hey! Congrats on 2 months!
I think it's normal to have a day like this on occasion. Learning to live through them....makes your sobriety stronger.
Glad you came to SR!
I think it's normal to have a day like this on occasion. Learning to live through them....makes your sobriety stronger.
Glad you came to SR!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Alright Jesse
Congrats on sober time...
Sounds like you got my brain for a day...i've just back into work since getting sober in AA last year, i had a meeting after a month with the boss on Friday, last day of week you know what that means! So before the meeting i am googling flights home, thinking no ill have to stay with my mother for a week cos i have no money, why do i always get in this situation? So i go to the meeting and get a pat on the back and a really glad you came to work for us...
Out of this i can see that i am not a mind reader and the way i see myself and judge my actions is not how others do...ive put myself do death even before the trial date has been set!
As far as i understand sane, mature people talk to other people so you could talk to your sponsor asap about this, short phone calls etc...you know the outcome to this already and that will be you happily skipping off thinking good thoughts about your sponsor and AA and life...but if you are like me you will just plain forget the turmoil you have put yourself through thinking about this and stewing in it instead of taking action as soon as the 'problem' arises or putting it on the back burner until the right moment.
My step 5 was a relief and, for a while, didn't make me feel that good but i did feel lighter...you will be able to move forward to the other steps now which is great news for you!
To highlight how our thought processes are a 'little' different...when i was doing step 5 my sponsor, 24 years sober, said to me ill share something with you and he reached into his mouth and pulled out a plate with 4 false teeth on, you know the one like the braces, he said look there you go...i said ok ehhh well they look real, he said oh right i see so i guess you think less of me now huh (i did come in really arrogant), i said no honestly and put my hand on his shoulder...
I thought **** me here we are talking about all the stuff we have done in active alcohlism and hes worried that i wont like his 4 false teeth...just went to show me that what i think is often quite distorted as to what everyone else thinks...hang on just thought maybe he did that on purpose!!!!!
Anyways keep going man, angry and lonely will leave you, especially the lonely part...very soon...the angry for me is much, much better but is a work in progress:-)
Congrats on sober time...
Sounds like you got my brain for a day...i've just back into work since getting sober in AA last year, i had a meeting after a month with the boss on Friday, last day of week you know what that means! So before the meeting i am googling flights home, thinking no ill have to stay with my mother for a week cos i have no money, why do i always get in this situation? So i go to the meeting and get a pat on the back and a really glad you came to work for us...
Out of this i can see that i am not a mind reader and the way i see myself and judge my actions is not how others do...ive put myself do death even before the trial date has been set!
As far as i understand sane, mature people talk to other people so you could talk to your sponsor asap about this, short phone calls etc...you know the outcome to this already and that will be you happily skipping off thinking good thoughts about your sponsor and AA and life...but if you are like me you will just plain forget the turmoil you have put yourself through thinking about this and stewing in it instead of taking action as soon as the 'problem' arises or putting it on the back burner until the right moment.
My step 5 was a relief and, for a while, didn't make me feel that good but i did feel lighter...you will be able to move forward to the other steps now which is great news for you!
To highlight how our thought processes are a 'little' different...when i was doing step 5 my sponsor, 24 years sober, said to me ill share something with you and he reached into his mouth and pulled out a plate with 4 false teeth on, you know the one like the braces, he said look there you go...i said ok ehhh well they look real, he said oh right i see so i guess you think less of me now huh (i did come in really arrogant), i said no honestly and put my hand on his shoulder...
I thought **** me here we are talking about all the stuff we have done in active alcohlism and hes worried that i wont like his 4 false teeth...just went to show me that what i think is often quite distorted as to what everyone else thinks...hang on just thought maybe he did that on purpose!!!!!
Anyways keep going man, angry and lonely will leave you, especially the lonely part...very soon...the angry for me is much, much better but is a work in progress:-)
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
the only meeting we're ever late for is the first one.
A drink wouldn't have made any difference on fixing your starter! More then likely would've done you more harm then good.
Ask your sponsor point out if, he's got time for you ? Ask what he suggests to help you with your program
We have to live life on life's terms. Stay sober and the problems that seem like mountains to you know will be speed bumps years down the road to you!
A drink wouldn't have made any difference on fixing your starter! More then likely would've done you more harm then good.
Ask your sponsor point out if, he's got time for you ? Ask what he suggests to help you with your program
We have to live life on life's terms. Stay sober and the problems that seem like mountains to you know will be speed bumps years down the road to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,347
I'm not sure what you want Jesse. All any of us can do is share our experience 
Personally I think learning to face life's up and downs, face them sober, and aiming for a generousity of spirit is an integral part of anyones recovery, Jesse - AA or not.
I hope tomorrow will be better
D
Personally I think learning to face life's up and downs, face them sober, and aiming for a generousity of spirit is an integral part of anyones recovery, Jesse - AA or not.
I hope tomorrow will be better
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,753
I'm just feeling very hopeless tonight, like I'm going to have these days/weeks of life sucking and wanting a drink forever. I thought I was done with that!
Hang on tight. You will feel better, it just takes time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Jesse. I'd like to ditto the other posters and say that what you are feeling is normal. As alcoholics, we (or at least I) run from uncomfortable feelings and drinking was our solution. Now that you have taken that away, well, there they are: the good, the bad and the ugly and recovery is learning to deal with them. In time, I found that my moods became less pendulum like and the intensity settled down.
About your sponsor, I think we expect them to be super humans...which they are not. Again, one of the major life lessons in sobriety for me has been the acceptance that it really isn't all about me. News Flash!!!! Who knows what is going on in his life at this moment. I agree to ask him. Perhaps say, "you seem a bit distracted...is there anything I can do to help you?"
About your sponsor, I think we expect them to be super humans...which they are not. Again, one of the major life lessons in sobriety for me has been the acceptance that it really isn't all about me. News Flash!!!! Who knows what is going on in his life at this moment. I agree to ask him. Perhaps say, "you seem a bit distracted...is there anything I can do to help you?"
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Every time I've 5th Stepped, I've felt a little down for a week or two. I know the book says that we can feel this great burden lifted sometimes, but that hasn't been the case for me. I've always felt a little funk after the 5th.
But, every time I've come home and done 6-7, taken the rest of the night off and then made a list the next day. Then I start amends as soon as possible. That funk has always lifted relatively quickly for me, and brought me to a better place.
But, every time I've come home and done 6-7, taken the rest of the night off and then made a list the next day. Then I start amends as soon as possible. That funk has always lifted relatively quickly for me, and brought me to a better place.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi Jessie,
I'm glad you posted.
I know there are a lot of ups and downs in recovery, because that's how life is. I feel that I have learned healthy ways to deal with those things and I think you will too.
I'm glad you posted.
I know there are a lot of ups and downs in recovery, because that's how life is. I feel that I have learned healthy ways to deal with those things and I think you will too.
The Shocking Truth
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 33
What a rough thing it is to feel lousy. I wish the best for you.
We all know that drinking isn't going to make you feel any better.
Try some new fiction. I'm reading a great book now, and it's a sweet escape (with no hangover).
Even though I don't know you, your original post really touched me, and I hope you can feel better soon.
We all know that drinking isn't going to make you feel any better.
Try some new fiction. I'm reading a great book now, and it's a sweet escape (with no hangover).
Even though I don't know you, your original post really touched me, and I hope you can feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 62
well i think we all may imagine how hard it is to go through all these processes but at leat we all are well aware of the bright goal behind these tough timings..
so i would suggest only one thing, do not loose hope and do not ever get depressed in any case. I know you will do it
so i would suggest only one thing, do not loose hope and do not ever get depressed in any case. I know you will do it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 37
I know this is an old thread by now, so forgive me for resurrecting it. I just wanted to apologize for sounding so self absorbed and whinny. Oh wait, I'm an alcoholic, I guess I don't just sound self absorbed and whinny, I am. 
Anyway, I've got 5 months, 11 days sober now. I made it through that low spot, and several since. They do get shorter and while maybe they don't get less intense, I'm able to dismiss the idea of drinking over it pretty easily these days (well, dismiss it anyway).
I just wanted to thank you all for being here. I was on the verge of killing myself when I accepted that I could not stop drinking, yet still didn't believe I was an alcoholic. It was you guys on here that gave me the courage to go to that first AA meeting last Nov. today, I can honestly say that the last few months, despite low spots, have over all been the happiest I ever remember.
Thank you all for being here!
Anyway, I've got 5 months, 11 days sober now. I made it through that low spot, and several since. They do get shorter and while maybe they don't get less intense, I'm able to dismiss the idea of drinking over it pretty easily these days (well, dismiss it anyway).
I just wanted to thank you all for being here. I was on the verge of killing myself when I accepted that I could not stop drinking, yet still didn't believe I was an alcoholic. It was you guys on here that gave me the courage to go to that first AA meeting last Nov. today, I can honestly say that the last few months, despite low spots, have over all been the happiest I ever remember.
Thank you all for being here!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I love happy endings! (or beginnings..... or middles, too!) It helped me stay sober today to read where you started, see the low point, and know that you survived it and came out smiling. Sometimes we look for happiness before we take action in our life, when it only works the other way around.
Great post!
Great post!
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