Need advice!

Old 04-05-2010, 12:48 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Santa fe, New Mexico
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Need advice!

Hello! I am a constant relapser who is sober for 1 to 3 months, then a week long bender, then 1 to 3 months again, etc. etc. This last time, It was suggested that I move back to my hometown because that is where my friends and family are, and I have nobody where I am currently at except my young children (12 and 10). They don't want me to go. I feel I am miserable here but i'm sure my misery is me and not the place. How much does a support system comprised of family and friends aid in recovery and misery? Please help.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:30 PM
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Hi again rochadad

I'm not a big fan of the geographic cure - I know in my case the problem was me, not the town in which I lived, the friends I kept, or the support I did or didn't have.

There's support everywhere - there's SR (24/7), there's AA or any number of other recovery programmes, counselling....I could go on....

What avenues of support are you using now?
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:35 PM
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I agree that the problem and the solution lie within you and don't depend on where you are. I hope you can find or make the support you need to stay sober. SR is a wonderful resource for many of us. I wish you a successful journey to recovery. Lots of us on that road, you're not alone.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:57 PM
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I agree totally that recovery has little to do with the place.

In the one to three sober months, what changes have you made in your life, regarding your recovery? I think it takes some big shifts in thinking and living life, in order to recover, rather than just being sober.

There is so much support here, so take a look around and I hope you keep posting.
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Old 04-05-2010, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by rochadad View Post
How much does a support system comprised of family and friends aid in recovery and misery? Please help.
Welcome, Rochadad ~

The [sincere] support of family and friends when we're trying to get sober is very valuable unless your family and/or friends drink themselves - if so, that's not the kind of support I would want or need in making such an important life change.

While I believe the success of our sobriety begins with us wanting to get sober for ourselves (ie, not getting sober to please a spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.), the encouragement and support of family and friends who we can lean on and talk to as we're adjusting to our new sober selves is really important (in my opinion).

Also important is our interaction and meeting with new people who have become sober and understand what we're going through - you can certainly find that here on SR, as well as AA. AA is not for everybody, but it is a guaranteed place to meet other alcoholics - and that can help you feel like you're not alone in this.

I did the geographic move over and over - no zip code change ever made any difference - I always took my miserable self with me because I wasn't accepting that I was an alcoholic - I just thought a new address would fix everything. It didn't.

I don't know where your hometown is relative to where your children are, but any distance and temporary time away from your kids can be overcome if it results in a contented, sober Rochadad - and I mean living a contented life in recovery, as opposed to just not drinking - there's a world of difference between the two.

Take care. Look forward to sharing your journey with you.
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