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Sober Situations!

Old 04-05-2010, 08:51 AM
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6/20/08
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Sober Situations!

Had an 'encounter' on Easter...not a big deal (but obviously not a small one, if I'm still thinking about it) and just wondered how many of you have situations similar to this, and how you deal with it.

We had dinner.....I was the only one who didn't drink the wine. Didn't really think anything of it. The people that were there do not have drinking problems. Later that afternoon, a kind (she really is!) elderly lady brought me a shot of kahlua. At this point, no one else was drinking.

So, I smelled it and said, "oh, coffee liqour". She wanted me to taste it. I said no thanks. She insisted. Finally someone else said, "she doesn't drink". The poor woman looked crushed! What was she to do with that shot in her hand! A man there said he would drink it, so off it went.

I dont' know where my point is with this, or if I even have one. I guess it's just another opportunity to practice happy sobriety!
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:12 AM
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Makes you realise how precious your sobriety is I suppose. That's what I got out of this post so thanks for posting! You were taken totally off-guard and that is where the total acceptance that it's the first sip that kills you. Also a great example of how others around you being totally clear of your status as a non-drinker comes in useful.

peace out.
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:12 AM
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You did the right thing! I wouldn't worry about the old lady.

I haven't been put in that kind of a situation and I am sure it would be awkward. Sounds like you handled it gracefully.
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:24 AM
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Honestly, I think people who are pushy are just rude. I'm sure she's a nice old lady but she has no right to make you feel uncomfortable.
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Honestly, I think people who are pushy are just rude. I'm sure she's a nice old lady but she has no right to make you feel uncomfortable.


I agree! She had no business, nice lady or not, insisting. One "no" from you should have been enough. Good grief!
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:40 AM
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I figure she just wanted to open the bottle.....for herself...
You being there was simply a smoke screen for nipping un noticed.

Glad you did not join in the drinking....
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:43 AM
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Over the years, I've witnessed this time & again...I remember, in high school, a big family/neighbourhood dinner and a very gregarious lady (lovely woman) pushing wine on one of my friend's dads. He'd been sober for 20 years, of which she was unaware.

People should all remember: NO MEANS NO!

(And if I don't want dessert, don't try to push me into that EITHER! Making a big scene so everyone is looking at me refusing dessert is embarrassing!)

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Old 04-05-2010, 09:44 AM
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Good for you!!! I think that some people just don't understand the word "no" or even "I don't drink" it feels sometimes like we speak a foreign a language!!
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:47 AM
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I dunno i see it a little different i guess, i remember when i was drinking...everyone used to have to have a drink, even if a person didn't want one i would insist to the extend that they would take the drink and put it down on the side just to get rid of me...i would have just said i don't drink (anymore) and left it at that...if she knows that you don't drink and is still trying to get you to drink then she is pushy if she doesn't know that she isn't being pushy to try and get you to have a drink at a dinner party where all are drinking IMO...
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Old 04-05-2010, 10:10 AM
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Thankfully, I have not been put in that situation yet. I'm not sure how I would handle it. But you have given me something to think about, since I am sure at some point I will be in that type of a situation.
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Old 04-05-2010, 10:28 AM
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yes. It's easy to preach about No meaning No or what not but I try to never forget where I came from and what I was like when I was still drinking!!

Man, I was the worlds worst at trying to get people to have a drink, I looked upon it as being a miserable b*stard if people refused free drinks. Refusing free-drinks, I mean wtf?!

I guess that's because I am an alcoholic though. I always try to remember that just because I'm a recovering alcoholic, who is fully aware that the drink that kills is the first one, doesn't mean everybody else is... In fact quite the opposite and that's the way it should be. Drinking to most is a fun, relatively harmless activity which compliments other social interaction and fun. But not for this alcoholic.
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Old 04-05-2010, 11:49 AM
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The same thing happened to me with my elderly neighbor - also a very kind and sweet woman. She was born before AA even existed and grew up in the days where drinking alcohol, even to excess, was not considered a stigma, let alone a disease.

If she's like my neighbor, she simply does not understand what it means to hear 'she doesn't drink' and probably felt badly for thinking she hurt your feelings for something she doesn't understand.

Pushy? Rude? I would not be so quick to judge.
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Old 04-05-2010, 12:32 PM
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when i tell people i don't drink they look at me like i'm crazy. maybe because im so young i get a stronger reaction, but i don't think its easy for others to understand alcoholism. i've believed that i had a problem almost since i started drinking, i don't think i EVER drank normally, and i still believed that ONE DAY i could drink again until i came here and started reading other's stories.

anyway, in my experience, alot of people really do think it's only a matter of self-control. i've been asked so many times..why don't you just drink a little? you cant have just one drink?

i don't think it's being rude or pushy, a lot of times it's simply ignorance. alcohol is very culturally relevant and we are the minority.
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Old 04-05-2010, 12:37 PM
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There's always "I don't drink under Dr. Bob's orders"
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Old 04-05-2010, 02:07 PM
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there ya go captain
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Old 04-05-2010, 02:23 PM
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Some situations i have called on the "alergic reaction to alcohol" line..

they think ill get a rash.......they have no idea that id be missing for weeks at best.
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Old 04-05-2010, 02:24 PM
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Great job coffeenut! You never know where or when the next shot of bourbon might jump in front of your mouth - duck! Whatever the circumstances, great job rolling with it and not getting sucked into a black hole that dwarfs anything the Large Hadron Collider could muster up.
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Old 04-05-2010, 09:33 PM
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I went out with a drink a couple of weeks ago with a guy that is over here and was introduced to me, the convo came up and he asked about drinking, said yeah but did you ever drink? I said yes...he paused and said well no-one that has drunk before stops drinking without a good reason do they? I said go on and he tried to bale out and said sorry so i said i dont mind you are on to something there, carry on...anyways he kind of guessed and i said yup im an alcoholic thats why i dont drink anymore and had a great night...heard from him since and he doesn't think im a 2 headed monster!

I would feel quite comfortable sharing this with anyone now, not on first meeting them like in the introduction but defo at an appropriate moment...i would have been too afraid to say it before because in hindsight i really was never sure if i was willing to quit for good before AA...but i understand there are occasions when it may not be appropriate and may even be that the job doesnt allow for disclosure...

Just thought i'd share cos it was a nice experience to say that...and he really wasn't that interested, we were talking about his family about 5 mins later...i think most people would have respect for you rather than the fear that we might be ridiculed or thought less of...obviously you can't disclose this then expect people to think well of you if you drink again:-)

Just my experience!
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Old 04-06-2010, 08:23 AM
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[QUOTE=yeahgr8;2561967]I went out with a drink a couple of weeks ago with a guy that is over here and was introduced to me, the convo came up and he asked about drinking, said yeah but did you ever drink? I said yes...he paused and said well no-one that has drunk before stops drinking without a good reason do they? I said go on and he tried to bale out and said sorry so i said i dont mind you are on to something there, carry on...anyways he kind of guessed and i said yup im an alcoholic thats why i dont drink anymore and had a great night...heard from him since and he doesn't think im a 2 headed monster!

QUOTE]

That is something that I haven't really struggled with yet, but I presume I will. Some part of me feels weird telling my friends that I have a problem - when I have been in situations where people have asked, I've responded with "I'm taking a vacation from drinking." and have followed up with something like, "I felt a little out of control so I've decided to stop for a bit." Either way, I'm telling people that this is a temporary thing - and not a permanent lifestyle change. It's like I'm embarrassed to admit I have a problem to the people that I'm close to. I don't know how much longer the "vacation" excuse will get me by before someone starts asking the hard questions...
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Old 04-06-2010, 08:41 AM
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Greeneyed - it can be awkward in early sobriety days - this might be helpful to read:

How to Turn Down a Drink: 12 steps (with video) - wikiHow
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