so im here.. about time.. ive been awake a a few hours and am drinking while drowning in self loathing and of course the the daily feelings of regret and shame (what a fun drug alcohol is). Long story short my addiction is only one of about 8 years but it really took a grip on me.Last july i had a detox and felt great but a few months later (christmas) i made the bigist mistake.Yes the "oh i will just have a couple" mistake. WEll im sure you can all guess how that worked out. I had just started to mend a few broken friendship with family and friends and have now single handedly destroyed them all again. See im not a "nice drunk" and can fully understand that people can only take so much abuse and then the "im sorry, i was drunk," line well last night i messed up bad. i had one friend left that has tried so hard to stick by me all this time and last night i just went off at her , god knows what about but im pretty sure there is no way back. Im so so sick of this. the whole self hate thing so drink to numb it yet its the drink thats induced it. How pathetic. So why am i here? Well this is hopefully my first step in coming to terms that im swiftly loosing control again and its only going to get worse.On monday i shall make an apointment with my support worker and start taking small steps.. im scared its now or never . Pete |
may i add i was an intravenous drug user (speed /heroin/ whatever) for many many years before. I have been illigal drug clean for 10 years this year .But seem to of always needed something, if that makes sence..God knows what i will do without a substance |
Welcome to SR! :grouphug: im scared its now or never That's a very healthy fear, I think. One of the biggest things keeping me sober is the fear that if I drank again I might not have any more 'recovery' left in me. I'm afraid of finding my bottom so I stay sober. Besides, sober living is so much better than drinking and just existing with endless shame and regret and self loathing, not to mention being sick all the time. I hope we can give you the information, hope, and encouragement you need to get and stay sober. Perhaps the friendships can be mended in time, just work on mending YOURSELF first. |
Welcome and good choice to join up here. I have only been sober 10 weeks...but this place is what keeps me on track. I think that most of us can relate to your story. The day I quit, I was scared to death. As Least says, perhaps yours is a healthy fear. Keep coming back..and good luck with your appointment! |
Welcome Pete! SR is the place where you can get help, it is never too late to get sober. Read the posts, and share with others. The support you need is here. I am just about finished my 6th day of sobriety and it is great. Couldn't have done it without the support of other members of SR. Best of Luck! |
Hi Pete, I have done the same thing for 30 years. for me it took the realization that i am powerless over alcohol really powerless, I gave up.. alcohol is stronger than me I now run from it instead of standing up to it thinking somehow it might be different this time. also I realized I cant fight the battle myself I need the support of others that I can relate to. for me on a daily bases. as you say small steps 24 hr at a time, its the only way to overcome. Thanks for sharing |
Hi This, You have made a great choice by coming to SR. Everybody here is so supportive and because we all have had similar problems, can give some great advice. I too am not a very nice drunk and burned many a bridge before coming here and seeking help. Im 6 days sober now and am starting to feel pretty damn good about it too. Read the post's and take what can from them. I have found some very useful stuff here and it has helped my to stay off the booze!!! |
Hey all! thanks for the welcome! im so very lost right now i dont eat and only sleep when i pass out, only to wake to a few mins of being very sick. I hate this guys x |
Originally Posted by this
(Post 2559787)
Hey all! thanks for the welcome! im so very lost right now i dont eat and only sleep when i pass out, only to wake to a few mins of being very sick. I hate this guys x |
Originally Posted by foxy0116
(Post 2559801)
It does pass. I was like this for the first 4 days. Im on day 6 now and am feeling much better. Getting more sleep and eating like a horse (yet still losing weight). Hang on in there, it does get better! |
Hi Pete I remember feeling like this too God knows what i will do without a substance It's a big scary leap into the unknown but you're not alone :) Welcome to SR :) D |
just got in. have just broken into my parents house ..welll i had a key but they were out. stole the only bottle i coud find,,, oh thisd is great .. |
Nothing changes if nothing changes Pete. I know the fear can feel overpowering and many of us had some faltering steps.. but you can live without booze - there's many of us here as testament to that. The first step is trying your best at not giving in to the impulse. The second is reaching out for support from others to do that. The best thing for you to do is tip the bottle out. Have you thought about a recovery programme, Pete? If you're feeling sick all the time, have you considered seeing a Dr about your drinking? It's often a good idea. D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2559895)
Nothing changes if nothing changes Pete. I know the fear can feel overpowering and many of us had some faltering steps.. but you can live without booze - there's many of us here as testament to that. The first step is trying your best at not giving in to the impulse. The second is reaching out for support from others to do that. The best thing for you to do is tip the bottle out. Have you thought about a recovery programme, Pete? If you're feeling sick all the time, have you considered seeing a Dr about your drinking? It's often a good idea. D |
Pete, you're so miserable right now - why not see what it's like without the poison? It would have to be an improvement over what you're going through. It's no longer doing anything for you - it's no fun, not relaxing, just a living hell. I was just like you - could never imagine my life without being able to get numb. I tried so many times to control it and just have a few, but in the end there was no control left. My life was chaos. I had to stop or die. You came here because you aren't ready to give up on life. Give yourself a chance to see what living without booze can be like. No, not the first few days - it takes some time - but you can get your life back and feel happy & hopeful once more. Give yourself a chance to live again, please Pete. |
Give yourself a chance to live again, please Pete. |
Welcome. to SR.....:wavey: How did you overcome your past drug use? Perhaps that could give you a start on quitting alcohol. You also might consider having a medically supervised basic de tox to be safe. |
Originally Posted by this
(Post 2559745)
ive been awake a a few hours and am drinking while drowning in self loathing and of course the the daily feelings of regret and shame (what a fun drug alcohol is). Long story short my addiction is only one of about 8 years but it really took a grip on me.Last july i had a detox and felt great but a few months later (christmas) i made the bigist mistake.Yes the "oh i will just have a couple" mistake. WEll im sure you can all guess how that worked out. I had just started to mend a few broken friendship with family and friends and have now single handedly destroyed them all again. See im not a "nice drunk" and can fully understand that people can only take so much abuse and then the "im sorry, i was drunk," line well last night i messed up bad. i had one friend left that has tried so hard to stick by me all this time and last night i just went off at her , god knows what about but im pretty sure there is no way back. Im so so sick of this. the whole self hate thing so drink to numb it yet its the drink thats induced it. How pathetic. So why am i here? Well this is hopefully my first step in coming to terms that im swiftly loosing control again and its only going to get worse.On monday i shall make an apointment with my support worker and start taking small steps.. im scared its now or never . Pete |
Originally Posted by this
(Post 2559806)
Im constantly feeling sick, even the thought of the smell of alohol makes me throw up. it only stops when i drink. Is this normal? |
Originally Posted by this
(Post 2559754)
may i add i was an intravenous drug user (speed /heroin/ whatever) for many many years before. I have been illigal drug clean for 10 years this year .But seem to of always needed something, if that makes sence..God knows what i will do without a substance Hang in there, as another member told me here my first week, I won't have to ever go thru this hell again, if I _choose_ not to, this CAN be the last time!! Be strong, talk to whoever you have to, post here alot and you will get _Alot_ of support from people who do not know you but know expicitly what you are going thru and really do care! Walk to road you have to brother, best regards, Peace, ..Mike |
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