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Hi (Recovery is just the tip of the iceberg)

Old 04-03-2010, 10:06 AM
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The Shocking Truth
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Hi (Recovery is just the tip of the iceberg)

Hi. I'm 7 days sober.

I'm 37 y.o., married with 3 young children.

Been drinking and drugging, pretty much daily, since I was 13 y.o.

Was always able to stop for a few days whenever I wanted, and used that to convince myself I was not an addict.

Considered myself high-functioning: good job, beautiful wife and children, home in the suburbs, hobbies, friends, etc.

My marriage is on the rocks.

My wife has her own problems, but this is about me.

I AM 7 DAYS SOBER AND HAVE NO URGE TO BOOZE!

But the sobriety is just the tip of the iceberg for me.

My marriage is probably going to end in divorce - even sober I cannot control my rage.

I am not violent (I have been in the past however), but I am quick to anger.

I don't want to make this too long (I'm afraid no one will want to read a wall of text), so I'll write more later.
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Old 04-03-2010, 10:19 AM
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Also ... a question.

I'm a newbie here, and I did read the forum rules, but it might take me a little while to learn the style and etiquette of the board, so ...

I have a lot of anger and resentment and choice words for some people in my life. Things I'd like to get off my chest. Is this discouraged here? Is this a positivity-only forum?

Thanks.
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Old 04-03-2010, 10:27 AM
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Hi mate. sadly I know it's not the real Bonzo posting as he choked on his vomit long ago. John Bonham was fundamental to the sound of the greatest band of all time.

Keep rockin sobriety just like Bonzo rocked that drum kit and Pagey that guitar!!

All The best mate. With recovery theres a hell of a lot of emotional stuff that needs to be dealt with. The drinking/drugging is often just a symptom of much underlying psychological stuff going on.

peace
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Old 04-03-2010, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Hi mate. sadly I know it's not the real Bonzo posting as he choked on his vomit long ago. John Bonham was fundamental to the sound of the greatest band of all time.

Keep rockin sobriety just like Bonzo rocked that drum kit and Pagey that guitar!!

All The best mate. With recovery their is a hell of a lot of emotional stuff that needs to be dealt with. The drinking/drugging is often just a simptom of much underlying stuff going on.

peace
I lived like Bonzo for too long - I don't want to die like him.
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Old 04-03-2010, 10:29 AM
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Hey jonbonham...have a lot in common with you also...tryin so hard to save somethin..changin so much to be a better person....you can but only ever be as honest and caring, to your spouse and children as you can..if it dont work, you did all you could do as honourably as you could be...what will be will be..all the best ..im in a similar place.
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Old 04-03-2010, 10:35 AM
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John....
You might find it useful to write all the junk down
on paper.....read it over several times.....and......
then burn it
That is a good way to empty your head
and start to heal ...I think.

I do find prayer helps me immensley
in restoring my mental balance.

Blessings to you and your family
Well done on your early sober time.....
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Old 04-03-2010, 12:35 PM
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sobriety is just the tip of the iceberg for me

Me too. I'm having to learn different ways of coping with difficulties than numbing them with alcohol. I see an addiction counselor once a week and it's been very helpful. I hope you can work thru your issues and remain sober. Living sober really rocks!
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Old 04-03-2010, 03:57 PM
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Hi John

We're not a positivity only forum but we do have a wide membership from all ages and walks of life. A lot of people vent here - and find it helpful - so that's perfectly ok, so long as it's not offensive.

Carols suggestion is a great one too

D
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Old 04-03-2010, 11:28 PM
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I echo Carol's sentiment about prayer. JB, I've also been one to be quick to anger. The slightest thing would set me off, and it was usually somebody else doing something that I though was stupid, or they weren't behaving the way they were supposed to, or people just did things that didn't fit into MY PLANS.

But I was the one drinking myself into jail and out of an awesome relationship (fingers still crossed on that one...getting better every day) with a fantastic woman. Who was really the stupid one?

When I've felt myself get worked up the last 10 days, I've somehow been able to stop myself, breathe deeply, and pray for balance. It's worked on all but probably 2 occasions, and on 1 of those occasions I called the individual at whom I had lashed out and apologized (it was accepted), and on the other, tonight at work, I just kinda freaked but instead of flipping out, I told my boss I was kinda losing it for a second, and she told me to go outside, calm down and smoke a cigarette and she would handle my work for a few minutes till I got back.

It's been a really great feeling not allowing my temper to overcome me. And I am starting to see instances where people want exactly that; I have conditioned them that they will receive a certain response out of me for behaving a certain way. I've seen people the last few days trying to push it to that point, and they are confounded when it doesn't happen and I smile and respond in a positive and optimistic manner.

I think that's why things have gotten better with my girl, actually. I can see that she's made some comments (whether intentionally or not, I can't be sure) designed to get me worked up. It hasn't happened, and in fact I've been quite helpful at home and very serene and positive lately. Guess she's seeing something she likes, cause like I said, better every day.

Try to find a technique to calm yourself down, and see if you can apply it in those situations where you feel your head getting all tight and you want to blow up. Cooling down and coming out on the other side of a potential explosion is an awesome feeling.

In the immortal words of 2Pac: Keep Ya Head Up!
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Old 04-04-2010, 05:31 AM
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Thanks Snarf - great advice.

BTW I'm still sober !!!!!!!!
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:50 AM
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Bonzo
Man I wish I were in your shoes- sobriety is great, unfortunately I haven't figured out how to do it yet. Hang in there my man.
Jimmy Page (kidding of course- although he is my fav guitarist- along with Beck and a couple of others...). They all sobered up- so can we! I can't imagine how hard it would have been for them...so I have no excuse.
Peace and Love
Dub
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Old 04-04-2010, 09:20 AM
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It took me a long time to understand that abstinance does NOT equal recovery.
The easiest part for me was putting the drugs down. Leaving them there and making the changes in my behavior, thinking and attitude were a whole nother thing. Thats where the real changes and work is for me.
Do you work a program or anything like that?
Recovery, especially early recovery is tough and for me, I cant do it alone. I tried for years and it only made it worse.
I was told to just keep doing the next right thing and it would get better, not easier but better.
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Old 04-04-2010, 09:48 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

We urge members to post their feelings good or bad, up or down. We are all here to support each other. I agree with Carol, that writing things down and then burning the words can really help. I did that. I kept a journal and wrote and wrote and wrote every angry, negative feeling I had for months and months and then I burned it. It was very cathartic.

Have you consider an anger management program?

I would also say that drinking is always a symptom. It's the underlying problems that we need to deal with that make recovery challenging.
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Old 04-04-2010, 01:13 PM
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Oh My God. First real craving to booze.
Wife and 2 kids are at mother-in-law's for Easter - i took a "pass."

I'm at home with the 18 month-old trying to get chores done, and the baby keeps making messes as i clean.

Feel like boozing, but i won't - came on here instead ... THANKS!

Originally Posted by Anna View Post

Have you consider an anger management program?
Been there, done that - and it helped me on my path.
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Old 04-04-2010, 01:37 PM
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Hey John, an 18 month old could lead anyone to want a drink! Okay, maybe not so funny considering the circumstances... Glad to hear your doing well. Be strong, we need your support here!
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Old 04-05-2010, 10:24 AM
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Nobody ever told me how wonderful it feels to go to bed every night and think:

"Wow. Another sober day."

BTW - I lost so much weight in 8 days that my pants don't fit anymore.
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Old 04-05-2010, 10:28 AM
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Good for you John, and it sounds like things are going well!
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:45 AM
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The Shocking Truth
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I am trying to stay humble, but I feel similar to the way one feels when they have just fallen in love.

I want to shout it from the mountain-tops!

I STOPPED DRINKING! I AM SOBER!!

Thank you to SR for all the support. I need you all. Thanks again.
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:54 AM
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Great job, JB. I likewise feel fantastic without the booze coursing through my veins. Keep it up!
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Old 04-07-2010, 04:25 PM
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The Shocking Truth
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home w/ the 18 m.o. & the 4 y.o. ... STRONG URGE TO DRINK

18 m.o. just dumped a gallon of white vinegar on the kitchen floor and then i found my toothbrush lying on the bathroom floor near the toilet ...

breathing
pausing

feeling thirsty

time for a tall water on the rocks

breathing
praying
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