Most people?

Old 04-02-2010, 01:58 PM
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Most people?

Most people don't see a box of 20 beers and think about drinking them in one go.

Most people don't drink as soon as they open their eyes in the morning.

Most people don't think of drinking all alone and not wanting to be anywhere else in the world or doing anything else in the world at that particular moment.

Most people would stop drinking when they began to lose control and not speed up.

Most people wouldn't love drinking so much that life seems utterly crap when the drink is wearing off.

Most people don't view a chemical substance like an old friend/enemy.

Most people feel repulsed by alcohol when they are hungover and don't crave it so badly.

Most people's lives wouldn't be destroyed by drinking a pint of beer with their Dad.

Most people don't have to think about living so much. They just live.

Most people aren't alcoholics.

I sometimes can wish that I had been born with a different head and wonder if what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I know it is but it is so hard at times and I can wonder what everything is for. Why was I so unfortunate to have this prison of a mind. Seemingly everything but at the same time like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

But today I stayed sober and did what I had to do and for that I guess I will be grateful for in the future. Right now I am just letting it all pass as I know I have to. Nobody said it would be easy but the alternative is bleak also.

Are most people so sorted and contented and secure in their minds or is it just all in my head?

Just getting it out there.

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Old 04-02-2010, 02:04 PM
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My belief Neo, is that most people are not as together as you think.

What I have realized since beginning recovery, is that everyone has a story and everyone has struggles.

You're doing great!
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:10 PM
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thanks Neo for getting it out there!

Sort of sad, but this is our destiny.
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post

Are most people so sorted and contented and secure in their minds or is it just all in my head?

Just getting it out there.

Hey Neo,

I guess I am not most people either ;-) In regards to sorted & contented... I have a lot of work to do there. I am still working on the first three steps of the AA program, I guess progress not perfection is the way to go.

Its a tough road but I am confident that we will all find the right path for us in the end (without drinking of course ;-). Keep sharing my friend, it helps you & us.

Take Care,



The steps I am currently working on \/

# We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
# Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
# Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:30 PM
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Have you looked at the 10th Step promises recently? Ceased fighting anyone or anything, even booze?
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:54 PM
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I dunno Neo. I mean sure, most people aren't alcoholics...but like Anna said, they have their own things going on.

Most people don't have cerebral palsy either, so maybe I'm a double winner LOL.

But most people aren't me, and most people aren't you, Neo.

There's something to celebrate there, not commiserate over, IMO.
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Old 04-02-2010, 03:20 PM
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Hi Neo,

Most people? ......I can look at it this way.

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path"

Which means that most people who follow the directions in the Book recover to the point that alcohol is no longer an issue for them. "The problem has been removed"

To me this Step 10 promise (p84/85) is most significant. When I gave up drinking I couldn't care less about the Step 9 promises (I love the fact they have come true now). But all I wanted was for someone to take away this mad obsession about alcohol which meant I was either drinking or thinking about drinking, or what was for me the thing that really drove me insane, thinking about NOT drinking.

The days when I was sober and I was constantly thinking about NOT drinking or praising myself for NOT drinking were the days which were the worst - in the end they pushed me to the edge. At least when I was drinking I had oblivion and I didn't have to think about alcohol, full stop.

Working the 12 Steps does take committment but it really, really is worth it. The day when alcohol becomes something you no longer think about is the day that you know a new freedom.
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Old 04-02-2010, 03:32 PM
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The only thing that does strike me and can be a little off-putting is the way that posts from people who are struggling/not feeling great and in sobriety are somehow scorned by certain people on here. It makes me feel uncomfortable in a similar way to how certain things/members at AA make me feel uncomfortable. Holier than though if you like.

The way it is not a two-way street almost. The people who seemingly never suffer and everything is happy, joyous and free never post about what they are feeling or anything happening in their journey whatsoever but instead offer little but to make you feel belittled for sharing where you're at.

I know for a fact that AA members with 20+ years who have worked all the steps and speak to Jesus Christ over a cup of cocoa beofre bed still have days where they struggle, as they have shared that with me ,and even though their desire to drink has been removed and all that jazz then at fleeting times on xmas/parties or whatever their mind wonders for a brief time.

I guess it's just the way it is. But it seems a little uncomfortable like AA. But what I shall not do is what many probably do as a result of this and go back drinking again. I shall post my struggles and my great times too. Just because I am struggling at the minute is not indicative of what I have achieved in my sobriety. For the majority of the last 4 motnhs I have felt fantastic and things have been going great. It can;t all run smoothly all the time... Maybe that's why most young people run from AA and back to the bottle untill they get to their 40's or later.

This is not referring to this post per se but in general. I just feel a little uncomfortable about posting when I'm struggling when that's the exact time that you should feel most comfortable as that's the time that matters.

What I am psting about has nothing to do per se with a desire or thoughts about alcohol but is merely an expression of my psyche/mind. Much more psychological than the simply saying a desire to drink booze. For the last 4 months I haven't felt like this. I just express when I do whereas others don't. But I don't believe that they don't feel 'off' at times. That is what does my head in at times. At 24 it ain't about the booze but the fact that where you want to be hanging out and where all your peers at least go to all serve booze. Maybe some people on here just ain;t got a clue about the scene in the UK and drinking cultutre and how engrained it is in the UK. Even with the desire to drink booze removed it doesn't change that.

Who is anyone to judge whose sobriety is 'better'? That is ego at it's most hightened I would say.
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Old 04-02-2010, 03:46 PM
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I look at it this way, Neo. At the end of the day, did you drink? If the answer is "no" then that's what REALLY matters. Everybody's got their problems, it's how you deal with them without alcohol, that's the least it has been for me these past 9+ months. It hasn't always been easy (nothing worthwhile ever is), yet it's been MUCH easier than dealing with all the problems that my drinking caused and for THAT I am truly grateful.
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Old 04-02-2010, 03:53 PM
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Hey neo.. thats why everyone admires your posts because youre young an you tell it like it is... Am damm sure you young guys with fresh thinking and ideas, should be allowed to run the country...goes for all nations by the way....:rotfxko is True!!
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Old 04-02-2010, 04:34 PM
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Honesty is Essential For Lasting Sobriety.. Keep on Posting NEO!
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Old 04-02-2010, 04:43 PM
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Neo, I've always enjoyed reading your posts. You are honest about your experiences and I make a point to read what you have to say.

You are right, there are both good days and bad, but the bad are manageable mostly because I am finally learning what "this too shall pass" means. To me, a major pitfall of alcoholism is our tendency to react rather than respond. Reacting brought me straight to the bottle, responding brings me space to let things settle and work themselves out, to have faith that they will do so.

I have said it before, but in a strange way I am grateful for my alcoholism. Not, certainly, for the harm I have done, but because I am becoming a far more authentic person. I have a growing sense of humility and a diminishing sense of my own importance. I have a growing appreciation for honesty and a decreased tolerance for self-deception. I have a new found wonder for all that I have and a decreased resentment for all that I don't. I have a better understanding of all I can be and an increased intolerance for my old excuses. I have a new code of personal integrity and am finally willing to take responsibility for myself. And I have an increased conviction in Divinity and a diminished sense of existential isolation.

Had I never battled alcoholism, would I be a better person? Doubtful. I would just have been a sober self-absorbed, deluded, unappreciative, manipulative people-pleasing, ethically lazy, egocentric.

I have a long way to go, but I like where I'm going and I wouldn't be here had I not been there.
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Old 04-02-2010, 04:53 PM
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Neo, I am coming up on a two year anniversary, and there are times that I want to drink. I have worked all the steps, and my mind seems to have a mind of its own. I feel ashamed of my thinking -- then I remind myself that it is just a thought. I can let it pass without acting on it and without judging myself. I came into the program as a young person -- late 20s and what I had to do was make new friends (i.e., non-drinking friends). This is my second time around. The first time I had 13 years of sobriety. I went out for a few years. I relapsed because I wasn't entirely convinced that I was alcoholic. We really do have to concede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic as the first step in recovery. From experience I can tell you that the disease only gets worse -- never better. I am now in my mid-40s. When I have thoughts about drinking, I begin to pray, asking my Higher Power to direct my thinking and my actions and to keep me sober for another day. When I am thinking about drinking, I am only thinking about what alcohol does FOR ME -- I am not thinking about what alcohol does TO ME.

Finally, what I understand about the first three steps is that step one is worked outside of AA. Step one is the bottom that brought me into the program. Step two is a conclusion -- either God is or God isn't -- what is my choice to be? Do I now believe or am I willing to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? My first power greater than myself was my AA group. The people in the group had a wisdom and strength far greater than my own. Step three means making a decision. Unless I take action on my decision (i.e., Steps 4-12), nothing has changed. I can make a decision to visit my friend in Canada. But unless I take action (i.e., take time off work, buy a plane ticket, pack my bags, go to the airport, etc.) I will never get to actually visit my friend in Canada. Steps 4 thru 12 are the action plan of the program.

Don't get discouraged. Hang in there. Nearly everyone has something they struggle with -- whether one is alcoholic or not. Life has its ups and downs. That's what I understand "life on life's terms" to mean. I take the good with the bad, the struggles with the ease, the joy with the sadness. SusanLauren
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Old 04-02-2010, 05:30 PM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
The people who seemingly never suffer and everything is happy, joyous and free never post about what they are feeling or anything happening in their journey whatsoever but instead offer little but to make you feel belittled for sharing where you're at.
Hi Neo,

All I am offering is my experience of AA - that is the 12 Step program which is Alcoholics Anonymous.

You go to AA so you know how sharing works. You are welcome to share anything you want to and if getting all your feelings out there helps you and your recovery, then that is how it should be.

When I share, I am working Step 12. I carry this message - this message being that I have had a spirtual awakening as a result of these steps. This is what Alcoholics Anonymous is about and why the rooms of AA exist. People who carried this message to me, saved my life.

As to always being happy, joyous, free. Yes, most of the time I am. Today I had a resentment. I felt restless, irritable, discontented. For three hours I was studying my AA books, writing my inventory, (shouting at my son a lot) sharing my inventory with someone on the phone and praying until I got to the point of being happy, joyous and free again. All I wanted to do was be free from the resentment because living with resentment is not a way that I want to be any more.

I wouldn't share these troubles on a Newcomers to Recovery forum because talking in detail about doing inventory and doing Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7 is not what people who are thinking about quitting drinking/or have just quit would really find relevant.

I do quite regularly reach out for help on SR - but I do it in the 12 Step Alcoholism forum. (If anyone is interested in learning more about the program of AA and how to recover from alcoholism, it is a great place to visit.)

You suggest you feel belittled? I always read your threads and see a great deal of encouragement, support, help and praise in the responses you get.
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Old 04-02-2010, 05:44 PM
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Neo - I always love your posts. They are always heartfelt and insightful.

I just remember that saying that "we always compare our insides to everyone else's outsides".

Everybody has problems, they all just manifest differently. Hang in there.
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Old 04-02-2010, 05:58 PM
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Hi Neo

I PMed you, as you know, but I wanted to say something publicly too. Like Intention, most of the time I am 'happy joyous and free' to use AA terminology.

And why wouldn't I be? I'm living the life I used to dream of when I was anesthetising myself to sleep day after day, year after year.

I do personally tend to focus on the positive here - we each have our own experiences of how hard life, and sobriety, can be without me adding mine.

But that's my personal decision. I never give much away anyway

I'd hate to give the impression that sober folks have great lives 24/7 365 days a year tho, or that being sober is some kind of ******** against hard times or struggle.

Life is NOT always good - it's just not - noone's life is like that - but I reckon it's pretty wonderful lived sober, good and bad.

I've rallied the troops here when I've needed support though - and they've never let me down...we're a great bunch of folks

I'd never deny that opportunity to anyone cos it's that kind of support we do best.

Keep posting whats in your heart Neo

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Old 04-02-2010, 06:17 PM
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Originally Posted by NEO
Are most people so sorted and contented and secure in their minds or is it just all in my head?
I've been to various recovery meetings and groups for some time now, filled with people that have all sorts of problems with life, sobriety and you name it. I think its just human nature to moments of weakness. One has to only look around in the recovery community and see that relapse can happen to anyone.

Just keep going froward in your recovery and more will be revealed.
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Old 04-02-2010, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by NewMe11109 View Post

I just remember that saying that "we always compare our insides to everyone else's outsides".
LOVE that^^^^^^^^^^!!!!
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