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Old 04-02-2010, 09:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Miserable in sobriety


Hi everyone,
I just thought I would reach out today because I am desperate for some form of relief. Im 72 days sober and Im just as miserable as I was 3 months ago.
Ive had some rough times recently and they showed me that I can handle problems as they come up and still stay sober. My problem is that 6 months ago my best friend broke my heart and I cant even begin to get over it. Everyone (therapist, pyschiatrist,counselors in rehab) told me that getting clean would help me deal with it. They said until I was free of the depressant effects of booze I wouldnt be able to process and move on. 72 days and I still feel like i want to die.
Im trying to do everything right. I do AA, go to the gym daily, eat better, sleep well, see a therapist, a pyschiatrist, take meds as prescribed and read books about recovery. None of it works, reading the books seems to even make me feel worse.
Im feeling hopeless. I feel like the pain is never going to end. I just dont know what else to do.
Thanks for reading and any advice would be very much appreciated.
Eric
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Old 04-02-2010, 09:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Wow i could have wrote that last year! I did that for 5 months and it was horrible, for me, after the initial elation of stopping drinking had worn off, i was always smiling and everything is great kind of thing but whenever i was walking by myself, alone at home, in a lift...anywhere alone...i would just be looking down at the floor staring into space...just sucked!

I went to AA and worked the steps and got my spiritual awakening, it really has given me the ability to live a life now and the present and future do not look bleak anymore and i have cleared up the past...i would recommend it to you very strongly but i had to do the initial work of the steps to the best of my ability with a sponsor:-)
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Old 04-02-2010, 09:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I understand how you're feeling cause I'm going thru some rough times too and haven't yet found the serenity from being sober. I don't really have any advice except to stay sober and keep working on your recovery, especially good that you're seeing a therapist. Please don't let the feelings take you back to drinking as it will only make you feel worse. Take it one day at a time, for now, and I hope you'll start feeling better about yourself soon.

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Old 04-02-2010, 09:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Sorry for what you are going through. You said reading the books makes you feel worse? I would say quit reading those books if they make you feel worse. Read things that make you feel more positive. The Big Book is very good for that.

I know you are down, but remember that drinking certainly won't make it any better. With sobriety you can work things out rationally. Just stay sober today, and take things one day at a time and work through things. It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right and since you are in AA, you believe in a power greater than you. Maybe try turning things over to him? The feeling of depression and misery means to me that you are taking too much of the burden on yourself when you could turn it over to God.

Keep us posted and best wishes to you and your recovery.
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Old 04-02-2010, 09:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sickbladejob View Post

...Im 72 days sober and Im just as miserable as I was 3 months ago.
Welcome to the club of the ISM of alcohol-ISM. Abstinence is not drinking and feeling bad about it. Recovery is not drinking and felling good about it.

For those of us who only had one tool for coping with life - alcohol, we need to pick up new tolls for coping or else life will be unbearable.

The new tools that I use now are spiritual principles that bring me the peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose that makes life worthwhile.
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Old 04-02-2010, 10:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I hate to say this but sometimes we just need to 'feel it' and time does heal when sober. When not sober it is the same over and over for years and them if you did get sober down the road you will be right where you are now. So staying sober will help.

When I went thru something like that early on I was on my knees every night with my hands cupped and asking God to take it from me. Time heals and sometimes isn't flying by in those times.

So there is light with new friends and being able to 'feel' the good and the bad today.

AG
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Old 04-02-2010, 10:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome Eric - it's great you've told us about your situation. I felt alot of comfort from being here. I could finally talk about my problems without people judging me or giving ridiculous advice. At SR I found so many who were going through what I was, and only they truly understood.

I also have been in that situation - not with a friend exactly, but feeling hurt about life in general and wanting to numb myself from the pain. It ended up having the opposite effect - made me even more depressed and anxious. I say - you need to give it more time. I know 72 days seems like an eternity, but it is early days yet in your recovery. I drank for over 25 yrs. and it took me about 6 mos. to begin to feel truly alive again. It is a work in progress - you'll go through many phases, so don't be discouraged because you're stuck on this one way of feeling. It will pass.

I hope you keep talking to us - it may help take the edge off your pain, and it's reassuring to find you are no longer alone. Sending love up there to Andover. (I love Mass.)
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Old 04-02-2010, 11:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks guys. I forgot to mention that I still work with this girl. So I have to be around her quite a bit. Either of us leaving is pretty much out of the question as we have both dedicated a good portion of our lives to making the business a success and its all either of us know.
The only feelings I have are all about her. I cant find any peace or happiness in what I have accomplished in the last 72 days. Its just a landslide of negativity in my life. I cant even recall the last time I had true fun. Blahhh

thanks for letting me vent (whine)
Eric
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Eric - I know it hurts. As you know, alcohol wouldn't make it any better; and in fact, would just end up hurting you.

When I feel this way, I try to go find a new hobby. Can you start training for a half-marathon or take up guitar or something to give you a new goal to achieve?

I think that when we have this new time (because we aren't drinking), we can either stay in self pity, or get up and do something new.

And, as they say in AA, This Too Shall Pass.

It does get better. I am on almost 15 months, and I am much more balanced now. I can deal with the pain in a much healthier way - and can enjoy the joy too.

I feel for you, but know that it doesn't last forever.
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sorry to know of your pain ..
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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hey eric,nice to meet you.
i went to AA in january last year,i too was doing everything right so i thought......
lots of AA meetings,calling folk from the fellowship several times a day,meeting them for lunch or coffee,eating better,reading inspirational books,decorating and spring cleaning my house.
but.....i suffer the ISM too,take away booze (my solution to life) and i am irritable,discontent and unhappy,life sucked.
after a month i drank again,i dint want to,but im powerless.
so,i needed a replacement in my life.
i got a sponsor and got on the 12 step recovery programme of alcoholics anonymous.
life is grand now,i see lots of good stuff,and i even see good stuff come out of what seems horrible situations at the time.
you didnt mention the steps....time to look for a sponsor maybe my friend and get that spiritual awakening! come on in,the waters fine!
you are in my prayers.
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Been a lot of posts on here this week about people being miserable not drinking.

There are a number of people on this site that have been sober for years and are still pretty darned jazzed about it. Pretty sparked with life.

It's not because they are any better than those still locked in misery. It's because they have fundamentally changed.

Might pay to find out what those people did to bring about that change if you want to get on the other side of the fence.
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Old 04-02-2010, 03:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Eric

I'm sorry you're in pain and I'm sorry you have to relive it each day by working with this woman.

Broken hearts can take a long time to heal...I think you're pretty much doing all the right things tho...and there's been a few good suggestions here about new hobbies things to do etc.

I hope you find the strength to move on soon, emotionally at least. Then maybe you can look at whether this job and being around this person is worth it...

With respect to alcohol and sobriety - I think you made a wise choice to get sober and stay that way. I had my heart broken and drank over it...I lost years of my life because I was numbing the pain but I wasn't moving on.

Staying sober gives you the very best chance of dealing with all of this and getting to a better place sooner

SR is a good place to be too. You'll find a lot of friends and support here

Welcome
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