New Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
New Here
Hi everyone, been lurking for the past few hours while waiting on account activation and it definitely looks like a good place for support when times get tough.
I've probably realised that I have a problem for around six years or so but I have always told myself that things will get better. I've attended AA sporadically, firstly in 2006 and then again around September last year. I couldn't really identify with the spiritual side of things and so decided that it wasn't really for me.
I lost my job around October last year and my attitude towards, and my consumption of, alcohol was a major factor. Also, my employment as a bartender didn't really help matters but then, I'm not here to make excuses.
I've been trying hard to maintain a relationship with my girlfriend of two years over the last while and she has been supportive but I can see this drying up unless I get my act together.
I've been able to go for ten days and the likes without alcohol before ending up back at square one again. I went out on Thursday past after around a week and half dry and the bender lasted until Sunday night. I made a decision to put a stop to things but felt that I couldn't go cold turkey without having a curer. So, with that in mind, I ventured out for hopefully the last time on Monday. I tried not to go overboard and achieved a reasonable amount of success in that I was able to get home reasonably early to face the inevitable torturous night in bed. I've been here ever since. It's now Wednesday evening here locally. Every ring of the phone, every passing car and even birds singing outside is giving me an irrational fear.
I'm aware that this isn't going to be easy and I'm also aware that my finding this forum may be symptomatic of the 'never again' attitude that generally follows a drinking session like the one just ended.
I really want out. I've established a reputation over the last few months of being someone that people don't want to be around and have often been quite selfish in my attitude towards friends and family and I know that deep down that this isn't 'me'.
The feeling of hopelessness and depression after a heavy bender is really getting on top me. I've been dry-wretching for 36 hours and the inevitable diarrhoea has reared it's head also. I've hardly slept, maybe snatching a half hour here and there, and my appetite is minimal.
Sorry for rambling. Any advice would be really helpful.
Cheers, FB.
I've probably realised that I have a problem for around six years or so but I have always told myself that things will get better. I've attended AA sporadically, firstly in 2006 and then again around September last year. I couldn't really identify with the spiritual side of things and so decided that it wasn't really for me.
I lost my job around October last year and my attitude towards, and my consumption of, alcohol was a major factor. Also, my employment as a bartender didn't really help matters but then, I'm not here to make excuses.
I've been trying hard to maintain a relationship with my girlfriend of two years over the last while and she has been supportive but I can see this drying up unless I get my act together.
I've been able to go for ten days and the likes without alcohol before ending up back at square one again. I went out on Thursday past after around a week and half dry and the bender lasted until Sunday night. I made a decision to put a stop to things but felt that I couldn't go cold turkey without having a curer. So, with that in mind, I ventured out for hopefully the last time on Monday. I tried not to go overboard and achieved a reasonable amount of success in that I was able to get home reasonably early to face the inevitable torturous night in bed. I've been here ever since. It's now Wednesday evening here locally. Every ring of the phone, every passing car and even birds singing outside is giving me an irrational fear.
I'm aware that this isn't going to be easy and I'm also aware that my finding this forum may be symptomatic of the 'never again' attitude that generally follows a drinking session like the one just ended.
I really want out. I've established a reputation over the last few months of being someone that people don't want to be around and have often been quite selfish in my attitude towards friends and family and I know that deep down that this isn't 'me'.
The feeling of hopelessness and depression after a heavy bender is really getting on top me. I've been dry-wretching for 36 hours and the inevitable diarrhoea has reared it's head also. I've hardly slept, maybe snatching a half hour here and there, and my appetite is minimal.
Sorry for rambling. Any advice would be really helpful.
Cheers, FB.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 45
Im new here today also and am just beggining my journey.
"It's now Wednesday evening here locally. Every ring of the phone, every passing car and even birds singing outside is giving me an irrational fear. "
I can totally agree with that up until today I have had the same thing! It has thankfully passed this morning.
Just about everything you have said I can relate to. Apart from the job as im currently a student. If you truly love your GF you have got to stop mate. I didnt and lost her. Heed those words! The dry wretching, diarhea, no appetite, insomnia I still have but im really hoping to get some sleep tonight and am making making some food as we speak. Hopefully will eat more than a few mouthfulls tonight. Its going to be tough but im hoping with the support here and of my friends il get through it. I really hope you do too!!
"It's now Wednesday evening here locally. Every ring of the phone, every passing car and even birds singing outside is giving me an irrational fear. "
I can totally agree with that up until today I have had the same thing! It has thankfully passed this morning.
Just about everything you have said I can relate to. Apart from the job as im currently a student. If you truly love your GF you have got to stop mate. I didnt and lost her. Heed those words! The dry wretching, diarhea, no appetite, insomnia I still have but im really hoping to get some sleep tonight and am making making some food as we speak. Hopefully will eat more than a few mouthfulls tonight. Its going to be tough but im hoping with the support here and of my friends il get through it. I really hope you do too!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi Frank, I just wanted to wish you all of the best in your recovery. Don't worry about the spiritual/god part of AA in the beginning. Your higher power can be anything that you want it to be, even your desire to quit drinking.
I have tried and failed many times trying to beat alcohol, I have finally admitted my powerlessness and that I needed a support group to beat this thing. Right now it is AA and working the steps. So far so good my friend.
I wish you all of the best in your recovery, stay close to SR.
I have tried and failed many times trying to beat alcohol, I have finally admitted my powerlessness and that I needed a support group to beat this thing. Right now it is AA and working the steps. So far so good my friend.
I wish you all of the best in your recovery, stay close to SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 224
FB WELCOME! Most of us can relate to your story...and you can ramble all you want. I quit 10 weeks ago...and without this place I bet I'd be back to my old habits. Please keep coming back....and good luck to you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to SR! 
I'm glad you joined the family. Early sobriety is a rough road, no doubt about it. If you haven't seen a doctor that might be a good idea, as meds can be prescribed to make withdrawal from alcohol easier and safer. I wish you success in your quest to stay sober.
I'm glad you joined the family. Early sobriety is a rough road, no doubt about it. If you haven't seen a doctor that might be a good idea, as meds can be prescribed to make withdrawal from alcohol easier and safer. I wish you success in your quest to stay sober. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Thanks for the kind words.
There were two things that have really jolted me into action here. The first was that I never saw it coming. Usually I can tell when I'm going off the rails, and while that hasn't really stopped my behaviour in the past, I've been able to make provisions for it like heading off somewhere that I wasn't totally known and eroding the embarrassment levels to an extent. Secondly, this led to me to make a bit of a public show of myself because I hadn't recognised that I was even on a bender. If this isn't rock bottom, well it's not far away.
There were two things that have really jolted me into action here. The first was that I never saw it coming. Usually I can tell when I'm going off the rails, and while that hasn't really stopped my behaviour in the past, I've been able to make provisions for it like heading off somewhere that I wasn't totally known and eroding the embarrassment levels to an extent. Secondly, this led to me to make a bit of a public show of myself because I hadn't recognised that I was even on a bender. If this isn't rock bottom, well it's not far away.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Guelph, Ontario
Posts: 640
God luck in recovery!! Welcome to SR!! This can be your rock bottom if u want it to be, or you can let it get worse, it can always get worse, the very worse will end you up dead. So don't wait to hit your bottom get help when you can.
This can be your rock bottom if u want it to be, or you can let it get worse, it can always get worse, the very worse will end you up dead. So don't wait to hit your bottom get help when you can.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 224
Maybe get something from your doctor for the withdrawals. They can be bad, and even deadly.
And what is hitting bottom anyway, and why does it matter? Take care of yourself while you can.
Keep coming back.
And what is hitting bottom anyway, and why does it matter? Take care of yourself while you can.
Keep coming back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome to SR Frank - and to you other guys too
It's not easy, but this forum literally saved my life. It's is a great place for support.
Do yourself a favour and stick around - even after you feel better
d
It's not easy, but this forum literally saved my life. It's is a great place for support.
Do yourself a favour and stick around - even after you feel better
d
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,500
Hi Frank,
I went through the binges, the shame, the horrible anxiety and paranoia so many times. I kept telling myself that it had to end, but it was so scary. I had isolated myself, so that I could drink more, and my health was a mess. I do understand how you are feeling, and I am here to tell you that you can do this!
I went through the binges, the shame, the horrible anxiety and paranoia so many times. I kept telling myself that it had to end, but it was so scary. I had isolated myself, so that I could drink more, and my health was a mess. I do understand how you are feeling, and I am here to tell you that you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome to SR, Frank!
I could've written your post. My final drinking days were filled with so much self-loathing, shame and remorse that I couldn't stand it - the emotional pain was worse than the physical (and that was bad).
The irrational fear, anxiety, etc. is your body's mental and physical way of detoxing and re-adjusting to the absence of alcohol. It takes time, as I'm sure you're aware from past dry spells. The most important part of recovery takes place after we begin feeling physically well.
As you begin to feel better, pls recall how awful you feel - refer back to this post that you wrote and continue to reach out for help. An amazing and full life is waiting but it has to start with you wanting it for you - everything else has a way of falling into place after that. Be well, Frank.
I could've written your post. My final drinking days were filled with so much self-loathing, shame and remorse that I couldn't stand it - the emotional pain was worse than the physical (and that was bad).
The irrational fear, anxiety, etc. is your body's mental and physical way of detoxing and re-adjusting to the absence of alcohol. It takes time, as I'm sure you're aware from past dry spells. The most important part of recovery takes place after we begin feeling physically well.
As you begin to feel better, pls recall how awful you feel - refer back to this post that you wrote and continue to reach out for help. An amazing and full life is waiting but it has to start with you wanting it for you - everything else has a way of falling into place after that. Be well, Frank.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community.....
You may not have noticed the sticky posts
in our Alcoholism Forum.
I certainly hope you will go read them.
Glad to know you are planning a better sober future
You may not have noticed the sticky posts
in our Alcoholism Forum.
I certainly hope you will go read them.
Glad to know you are planning a better sober future
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Well, that's another night over. Sleep was still very sporadic and was having some weird dreams indeed on the few occasions I managed to get some. I've also developed a sort of condition where I'm randomly shouting out words that pop into my head. It's uncontrollable and very strange.
I've started using some Vitamin B compound and Thiamine Hydrochloride that I had left over from the last time I went to the doctor so hopefully I'll pick up as today goes on. I still can't face leaving my bedroom far less the house so going to the doc was out of the question. I'm also letting people down by not keeping appointments.
The next few days are going to be tough as I'm going to have to come totally clean to my girlfriend about the extent of my problem. She has been supportive up to now but only because I haven't fully explained what's been going on and I'm hoping that by clearing things up we can build a base to move forward on. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and the lying to her, and myself, over the last few months has been a major factor in my realisation that my habit has to be combated for good.
I'm lucky that my family will stick by no matter what and I'm going to have to come clean to them very soon also.
A bit more clarity of thought today has been a godsend and once again thanks for everyone's advice and support.
I've started using some Vitamin B compound and Thiamine Hydrochloride that I had left over from the last time I went to the doctor so hopefully I'll pick up as today goes on. I still can't face leaving my bedroom far less the house so going to the doc was out of the question. I'm also letting people down by not keeping appointments.
The next few days are going to be tough as I'm going to have to come totally clean to my girlfriend about the extent of my problem. She has been supportive up to now but only because I haven't fully explained what's been going on and I'm hoping that by clearing things up we can build a base to move forward on. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and the lying to her, and myself, over the last few months has been a major factor in my realisation that my habit has to be combated for good.
I'm lucky that my family will stick by no matter what and I'm going to have to come clean to them very soon also.
A bit more clarity of thought today has been a godsend and once again thanks for everyone's advice and support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 45
Hey FB im sure if you explain everything to your gf now that she will support you. I never did admit it to my wife and she duly kicked me out of the family home. I cant say that I blame her either! Im on day 4 and most of the withdrawal symptoms seem to be subsiding, apart from like your self I can not sleep at all well. Very very strange dreams, mostly about my family seem to wake me up every hour or so. I managed to get about 3hrs last night, woke up just before 6am, stayed up til 7am then managed get another 2 and a half hours til half 9. The bags under my eyes are unbelievable today. Hope you keep quitting mate.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
It's wonderful to have you with us. I also could have written your first post. The misery of those first few days is hell, but you're well on your way now. You never have to feel this way again - and that's a wonderful thing. It's insane what we put ourselves through, all in the name of "feeling good" and having fun. I can't remember the last time there was any joy in drinking - yet still I persisted.
Having SR to come to in the early withdrawal stage made all the difference. When we just white-knuckle it all alone (as I had in the past) the possibility of failure is huge. I was reassured by the things I read here, and knew I'd come out into the sun again.
Congratulations on the beginning of your new life. Please keep posting and let us know how you are.
Having SR to come to in the early withdrawal stage made all the difference. When we just white-knuckle it all alone (as I had in the past) the possibility of failure is huge. I was reassured by the things I read here, and knew I'd come out into the sun again.
Congratulations on the beginning of your new life. Please keep posting and let us know how you are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by newagain 
Frank haven't heard from you. everything going your way? Just wanted you to know you were in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you a successful day.
Hopefully I'll get outside today at some point but I won't be overly disappointed should I not.
As I said to Foxy yesterday, for me, in the past, this has been the 'easy' period I'm now heading in to. I'll start feeling 'good', the shame and depression will subside, I'll tend to my responsibilities, get out and about and see people and will be confident in my ability to stay away from alcohol for a week or so but after that the temptation will be a real battle. I have a small trip planned for next week which will definitely help focus my mind and help me stay dry but then it's game on.
This weeks' fight is nearly over but then the real war begins.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
I'll keep bumping this because it a good way of articulating my thoughts, letting off steam and generally keeping track of progress so far.
On day five and doing good. Appetite's back, I'm passing solids again (too much info, I know Ha!) and am generally in a decent frame of mind.
Was told some good news at my Girlfriend's today about her brother getting engaged but all I could think about was the social situations that it was going to throw up and I started to hit a downer but I seem to have snapped out of it. No point in worrying about it now, I'll deal with it when the day comes.
Still have a few things to deal with, apologies to a few folks incurred during last weeks binge, that are hovering around the back of my mind but they'll be duly seen to in the coming days when the last remnants of despair lift.
Good Luck, F.
On day five and doing good. Appetite's back, I'm passing solids again (too much info, I know Ha!) and am generally in a decent frame of mind.
Was told some good news at my Girlfriend's today about her brother getting engaged but all I could think about was the social situations that it was going to throw up and I started to hit a downer but I seem to have snapped out of it. No point in worrying about it now, I'll deal with it when the day comes.
Still have a few things to deal with, apologies to a few folks incurred during last weeks binge, that are hovering around the back of my mind but they'll be duly seen to in the coming days when the last remnants of despair lift.
Good Luck, F.
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