New Here
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome back Frank. I too relapsed and picked back up and gave sobriety a 100% do or die go again. I learned that I couldn't moderate or control it and picking up the bottle brought me right back to the bottom as though I had never left. I am coming up to 100 days soon and man it feels great.
Keep posting and keep it sober one day at time. Learn from this and move forward. You can do it and we are here to fully support you!
Keep posting and keep it sober one day at time. Learn from this and move forward. You can do it and we are here to fully support you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Cheers for the kind words guys.
Looking back on where I'd went wrong, I guess it was because I never worked hard enough on staying sober. When I first got the urge to have a beer I allowed myself to be convinced that everything would be fine, I rolled over and allowed my addiction to walk all over me, even though I could see what was happening and the inevitability of it all, I was weak and allowed myself to be defeated by it.
That's the main lesson I must learn. I musn't allow myself to be fooled again.
Day two today, I feel fine, mainly because I restricted myself to one day. No shakes, no sick, no paranoia, didn't have the best sleep but I'm sure I'll remedy that tonight.
Glad to be back here.
Looking back on where I'd went wrong, I guess it was because I never worked hard enough on staying sober. When I first got the urge to have a beer I allowed myself to be convinced that everything would be fine, I rolled over and allowed my addiction to walk all over me, even though I could see what was happening and the inevitability of it all, I was weak and allowed myself to be defeated by it.
That's the main lesson I must learn. I musn't allow myself to be fooled again.
Day two today, I feel fine, mainly because I restricted myself to one day. No shakes, no sick, no paranoia, didn't have the best sleep but I'm sure I'll remedy that tonight.
Glad to be back here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Hi Frank - nice to meet you.
We've all done it - I was sober for over two years and starting over again. I'm on day 7 and feel optimistic and pretty good today. Still don't trust myself with over two cups of coffee in the am cuz of the jitters. But that could be a good thing.
Keep up the faith my friend.
We've all done it - I was sober for over two years and starting over again. I'm on day 7 and feel optimistic and pretty good today. Still don't trust myself with over two cups of coffee in the am cuz of the jitters. But that could be a good thing.
Keep up the faith my friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
As we say here in this part of Scotland guys: 'I'm sorry, I've made a **** of it'.
Was at a Christening today watching my friends' kid being welcomed into the Catholic Church.
Anyhow, I've had about twelve bottles of Peroni (Italian beer). I'm home now, I was out with my girl, I made sure she was dropped home in a taxi and everything is OK in our relationship at the moment.
I made it easy for myself to go out drinking today. Again, I don't know what to do. Last week I came back here ready to quit, thinking I knew all the answers to my problem but I don't.
P.S. I just read this post back and it is literaray nonsense - hopefully someone sees what I'm saying.
Was at a Christening today watching my friends' kid being welcomed into the Catholic Church.
Anyhow, I've had about twelve bottles of Peroni (Italian beer). I'm home now, I was out with my girl, I made sure she was dropped home in a taxi and everything is OK in our relationship at the moment.
I made it easy for myself to go out drinking today. Again, I don't know what to do. Last week I came back here ready to quit, thinking I knew all the answers to my problem but I don't.
P.S. I just read this post back and it is literaray nonsense - hopefully someone sees what I'm saying.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Well you know as well I do what you should do Frank....but in the end, it's down to you.
I've followed your story from the beginning - you've got a lot at stake...and you know this trip only runs one way - it's going to get worse...there's no doubt.
We can offer you all the advice and support in the world here Frank, but we can't stop you from doing what you want to do.
I'd be really sad to see you continue to make what we both know is the wrong choice, Frank.
D
I've followed your story from the beginning - you've got a lot at stake...and you know this trip only runs one way - it's going to get worse...there's no doubt.
We can offer you all the advice and support in the world here Frank, but we can't stop you from doing what you want to do.
I'd be really sad to see you continue to make what we both know is the wrong choice, Frank.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hello Frank, I've been reading about your addiction to alcohol, and it always amazes me with addiction that no matter how much the addict wants to stop using or drinking, they still keep going back out. Your common sense tells you to stop. Your relationship with your girl tells you to stop. Your horrible hang overs after a binge tell you to stop, and the physical sickness you go through when you try to stop, makes you want to put an end to it, and yet, you still go right back out and consume the alcohol.
I'm not a doctor, or an addiction specialist, but I do know some things about addiction
and what I do know is that your brain is sick. It's your brain that makes you go. If you can learn to not listen to your brain when it's sending you the message to drink, you will have a good shot at putting your addiction in check. I have 5 years sober, and my brain tried to get me high in my early recovery. I knew it was going to do that because I had some knowledge on addiction and the brain. So, I totally ignored it. I was aware and that's what kept me sober. Here I am 5 years later, and I'm still sober. I wish the same for you. Be strong, and learn as much as you can. Don't wind up dead or in jail from alcohol intoxication. Seek some professional advice and maybe you can see an addiction specialist. There is alot of help for alcoholism these days. They have meds for the alcoholic that can't do it on his own. I wish you the best.
I'm not a doctor, or an addiction specialist, but I do know some things about addiction
and what I do know is that your brain is sick. It's your brain that makes you go. If you can learn to not listen to your brain when it's sending you the message to drink, you will have a good shot at putting your addiction in check. I have 5 years sober, and my brain tried to get me high in my early recovery. I knew it was going to do that because I had some knowledge on addiction and the brain. So, I totally ignored it. I was aware and that's what kept me sober. Here I am 5 years later, and I'm still sober. I wish the same for you. Be strong, and learn as much as you can. Don't wind up dead or in jail from alcohol intoxication. Seek some professional advice and maybe you can see an addiction specialist. There is alot of help for alcoholism these days. They have meds for the alcoholic that can't do it on his own. I wish you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Well you know as well I do what you should do Frank....but in the end, it's down to you.
I've followed your story from the beginning - you've got a lot at stake...and you know this trip only runs one way - it's going to get worse...there's no doubt.
We can offer you all the advice and support in the world here Frank, but we can't stop you from doing what you want to do.
I'd be really sad to see you continue to make what we both know is the wrong choice, Frank.
D
I've followed your story from the beginning - you've got a lot at stake...and you know this trip only runs one way - it's going to get worse...there's no doubt.
We can offer you all the advice and support in the world here Frank, but we can't stop you from doing what you want to do.
I'd be really sad to see you continue to make what we both know is the wrong choice, Frank.
D
I know that the fact that I'm here on SR, the fact that my boozing has cost me jobs and the depression/shame/guilt that alcohol brings means that I'm an Alkie, I know this, I take a step back and see it in all it's horror and yet from time to time, like today, it seems like a great idea.
I remember everything from today, I didn't black out and I wasn't an ******* to anyone. Same as last week. Still made terrible mistakes.
Hopefullly have a clearer head tomorrow Dee. Thanks again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I didn't get any frivolity Frank. More gallows humour LOL.
It was the times that I didn't black out and I wasn't an ******* to anyone that were the really bad ones for me - cos they fed the fire...and allowed me to drink again - tonight, tomorrow, next week...
take care, mate
D
It was the times that I didn't black out and I wasn't an ******* to anyone that were the really bad ones for me - cos they fed the fire...and allowed me to drink again - tonight, tomorrow, next week...
take care, mate
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Hi Frank, as everyone has welcomed you to SoberRecovery, so do I. I ran into your posts at Newcomers to Recovery, yours being "New Here" which you started, and I had seen that there were already four pages to it and when I started reading all of your posts and most replies, and I must say good suggestions, you were at that time the last one to post anything more. Since then, after reading, Dee has replied.
Quite a journal you have going here :-), and maybe it can be documented, as you mentioned.
Well you've already heard it from several people, but I'll say it again, "we've all been there, right where your at. And I'm going to add, I've tried at least a hundred times myself to do this on my own. And at times, you have tried to do it alone, I'm sure, just like I have.
My one suggestion, and I haven't read anywhere that you have mentioned it, have you tried going to AA? I'm almost a 100% sure that there are AA meetings even in Ireland, they have them all over the world.
It's fine to come here and share, it gives you a start at doing just that, but in my own opinion, going to AA meetings and getting a sponsor will help you a lot more than "JUST" coming here and posting.
I needed help from something greater than me. AA is just that. Go to meetings, ask for help, get a sponsor, call that sponsor and ask anything more powerful than you for help. I've heard of people using, what is called a home group, their Higher Power and when they prayed, they would ask this Higher Power to help them stay sober just for today and thank this same Power at night.
Right now alcohol is your Greater Power and is using that power to control you. I surrendered to alcohol, admitted it whipped my a**, and then just stayed as far away from it as I could possibly get.
Pretty soon you may not have to worry about your girlfriend, alcohol will eventually erase her out of your life. Alcohol is a great eraser. Already erased one job from you.
Going into the pubs, "just to chat with friends." It's like just going into a barbershop to just chat to friends, eventually your going to need that haircut.
Keep on doing the same things and expecting different results, never worked for me. Kept on doing the same thing and I kept getting the same results.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. And I found it very important for me to make changes if I wanted to keep my sobriety. I made sober people my friends and changed where I hung out at. Didn't go to the old playgrounds anymore.
If you want what sobriety has to offer you have to be willing to go to any lengths. Chase sobriety and recovery the same way you would your alcohol.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, you'll keep yourself in your own prayers.
Keepcoming,
Harry
Quite a journal you have going here :-), and maybe it can be documented, as you mentioned.
Well you've already heard it from several people, but I'll say it again, "we've all been there, right where your at. And I'm going to add, I've tried at least a hundred times myself to do this on my own. And at times, you have tried to do it alone, I'm sure, just like I have.
My one suggestion, and I haven't read anywhere that you have mentioned it, have you tried going to AA? I'm almost a 100% sure that there are AA meetings even in Ireland, they have them all over the world.
It's fine to come here and share, it gives you a start at doing just that, but in my own opinion, going to AA meetings and getting a sponsor will help you a lot more than "JUST" coming here and posting.
I needed help from something greater than me. AA is just that. Go to meetings, ask for help, get a sponsor, call that sponsor and ask anything more powerful than you for help. I've heard of people using, what is called a home group, their Higher Power and when they prayed, they would ask this Higher Power to help them stay sober just for today and thank this same Power at night.
Right now alcohol is your Greater Power and is using that power to control you. I surrendered to alcohol, admitted it whipped my a**, and then just stayed as far away from it as I could possibly get.
Pretty soon you may not have to worry about your girlfriend, alcohol will eventually erase her out of your life. Alcohol is a great eraser. Already erased one job from you.
Going into the pubs, "just to chat with friends." It's like just going into a barbershop to just chat to friends, eventually your going to need that haircut.
Keep on doing the same things and expecting different results, never worked for me. Kept on doing the same thing and I kept getting the same results.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. And I found it very important for me to make changes if I wanted to keep my sobriety. I made sober people my friends and changed where I hung out at. Didn't go to the old playgrounds anymore.
If you want what sobriety has to offer you have to be willing to go to any lengths. Chase sobriety and recovery the same way you would your alcohol.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, you'll keep yourself in your own prayers.
Keepcoming,
Harry
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Originally Posted by FrankBarone
Harry, that haircut analogy made me chuckle.
I'm gonna hit the hay before coming back here with a clearer head. Cheers for taking the time to post, it's very much appreciated.
I'm gonna hit the hay before coming back here with a clearer head. Cheers for taking the time to post, it's very much appreciated.
Hey Frank, I guess you haven't heard the expression. If you don't want a haircut, don't go to the barber. LOL It's an oldie but goodie. And so true.
You need to stay away from the bar if you want to get sober.
It's all up to you. And it's possible.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Ya, Angelic said it all. But it is so true Frank, if you want to stay sober you have to stay away from anything, anybody and anyplace that has anything to do with drinking. You've already shown you can do it for a little while, but without any other help, and that's what you need. Like someone to call on a minutes notice if you are in the wrongplace, mentally or physically, and let them know you need help. By the time you get back to your computer, it could be too late, as you have already shown.
Hope you get a good nights sleep Frank and wake up well rested. I will still be looking forward to you posting more. Everybody here cares, wants to help, but we are very limited on what help we can give you as to what help you need up front.
Seriously think over what I suggested. This program of Alcoholics Anonymous isn't for the people that need it, but it is for the people who want it.
Hopefully when you do wake up you might decide to try a different way to sobriety. As you can see, your way isn't working.
Keep coming and God bless,
Harry
Hope you get a good nights sleep Frank and wake up well rested. I will still be looking forward to you posting more. Everybody here cares, wants to help, but we are very limited on what help we can give you as to what help you need up front.
Seriously think over what I suggested. This program of Alcoholics Anonymous isn't for the people that need it, but it is for the people who want it.
Hopefully when you do wake up you might decide to try a different way to sobriety. As you can see, your way isn't working.
Keep coming and God bless,
Harry
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Originally Posted by Harry01854
Ya, Angelic said it all. But it is so true Frank, if you want to stay sober you have to stay away from anything, anybody and anyplace that has anything to do with drinking. You've already shown you can do it for a little while, but without any other help, and that's what you need. Like someone to call on a minutes notice if you are in the wrongplace, mentally or physically, and let them know you need help. By the time you get back to your computer, it could be too late, as you have already shown.
Hope you get a good nights sleep Frank and wake up well rested. I will still be looking forward to you posting more. Everybody here cares, wants to help, but we are very limited on what help we can give you as to what help you need up front.
Seriously think over what I suggested. This program of Alcoholics Anonymous isn't for the people that need it, but it is for the people who want it.
Hopefully when you do wake up you might decide to try a different way to sobriety. As you can see, your way isn't working.
Keep coming and God bless,
Harry
Hope you get a good nights sleep Frank and wake up well rested. I will still be looking forward to you posting more. Everybody here cares, wants to help, but we are very limited on what help we can give you as to what help you need up front.
Seriously think over what I suggested. This program of Alcoholics Anonymous isn't for the people that need it, but it is for the people who want it.
Hopefully when you do wake up you might decide to try a different way to sobriety. As you can see, your way isn't working.
Keep coming and God bless,
Harry
Harry, you are so right. Alcoholics Anonymous isn't for people who need it. It's definitely for the people who want it. I'm not quite sure if Frank is really ready. Only Frank can answer that. And to get sober, from my own experience, you have to really want it. That's why I have 5 yrs clean. I really wanted it. And believe me, the devil was trying to get me back.
I was totally prepared to fight for my sobriety.
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Every ring of the phone, every passing car and even birds singing outside is giving me an irrational fear.
I know your pain intimately, Frank. But I cannot take it from you. It's yours to experience and endure.
Think this: it may never, ever, ever be this bad again.
And this: millions of people have been exactly where I am, and have recovered.
And this: your recollection of the agony you are experiencing right now may save some other alcoholics life in the coming years. You may be going through this right now so you can be of service to others later.
I get dramatic, so bear with me. But you're at a crossroads.
Reach out if you need help. Happy to share my phone, to call, to send pictures of my dog, my children, whatever, to pass the time. Just send me a Private message and I'll do what I can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Frank,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I hope you keep fighting the good fight and that the next time you are faced with the choice of wether or not to drink, whatever needs to click for you does and stays clicked.
You are important.
LaFemme (Tina)
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I hope you keep fighting the good fight and that the next time you are faced with the choice of wether or not to drink, whatever needs to click for you does and stays clicked.
You are important.
LaFemme (Tina)
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey Frank.
It's quite simple mate. You can be like the countless other Scotts and p*ss your entire life up the wall. Knowing that's what you're doing but not being willing to do enough about it. The same applies to the countless English too!! My two best drinking/drugging/party mates were both Scottish. I had to leave them behind because I didn't want to die an alcoholic covered in his own p*ss and vomit. Waiting outside the corner shop at 7.00am with everybody looking at me thinking what a waster.
If you want to turn your life around then you cannot allow alcohol to be an option. Period. If you're an alkie then you will lose everything. Gauranteed if you continue to drink. The longer it goes on the more the booze will have you by the b*llocks again mate. I can see it's already getting at your mind a little by you hinting that you have 'controlled' the drink, not blacking out, dropping your mrs off etcetc. I bet you acted more drunk than you realised mate. Lots of your mates probably are p(ss heads and drink alot but they won't be there for you when you're in the gutter or in the police cells.
Only you can stop drinking mate but be careful because you still have a "window of oppurtunity" where you are thinking about recovery/sorbriety. That may soon dissapear and then the booze has got you where it wants you again. You will be blacking out and going further down again and drinking more and more booze.
All The best mate. 'One day at a time' Just don't drink just for today'. The longer you continue to drink for then the more that is going to get less likely.
peace
It's quite simple mate. You can be like the countless other Scotts and p*ss your entire life up the wall. Knowing that's what you're doing but not being willing to do enough about it. The same applies to the countless English too!! My two best drinking/drugging/party mates were both Scottish. I had to leave them behind because I didn't want to die an alcoholic covered in his own p*ss and vomit. Waiting outside the corner shop at 7.00am with everybody looking at me thinking what a waster.
If you want to turn your life around then you cannot allow alcohol to be an option. Period. If you're an alkie then you will lose everything. Gauranteed if you continue to drink. The longer it goes on the more the booze will have you by the b*llocks again mate. I can see it's already getting at your mind a little by you hinting that you have 'controlled' the drink, not blacking out, dropping your mrs off etcetc. I bet you acted more drunk than you realised mate. Lots of your mates probably are p(ss heads and drink alot but they won't be there for you when you're in the gutter or in the police cells.
Only you can stop drinking mate but be careful because you still have a "window of oppurtunity" where you are thinking about recovery/sorbriety. That may soon dissapear and then the booze has got you where it wants you again. You will be blacking out and going further down again and drinking more and more booze.
All The best mate. 'One day at a time' Just don't drink just for today'. The longer you continue to drink for then the more that is going to get less likely.
peace
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