New Here
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Hey FrankBarone,
"Everybody Loves Raymond" is one of my favorite shows but back on topic. You mentioned that you tend to relapse or go back to alcohol after you tend to your responsibilities, start feeling good, and feel confident. This was the same situation for me. I would work out for a good 2-3 weeks and start feeling good again, I would have all my responsibilities in order, and generally life was back to "normal". Boom! that is where I decide that I deserve a night out or even just a "couple" to go relax. From there, It would turn into a couple day binge because I just felt so bad after the first night. I would realize that I did stupid things and I would continue to drink the morning after because I didnt want to deal with the consequences. It was a vicious cycle!
As they say, alcoholism is progressive. In the beginning, I never did 2-3 day binges. If I drank one night and did stupid things, I would wake up the next morning and feel like crap, shameful and among other emotions but not drink. Now, I just start drinking more and more.
As far as looking into the future and what not, you really have to concentrate just on today. I think I am on day 34 or 35, i lost count but they keep telling me to just concentrate on today or one day at a time. I know it is hard because how do you psyche yourself out by just thinking about today. I think as you keep going and keep getting through day by day that it will be easier to concentrate on just for today.
Have a good day
"Everybody Loves Raymond" is one of my favorite shows but back on topic. You mentioned that you tend to relapse or go back to alcohol after you tend to your responsibilities, start feeling good, and feel confident. This was the same situation for me. I would work out for a good 2-3 weeks and start feeling good again, I would have all my responsibilities in order, and generally life was back to "normal". Boom! that is where I decide that I deserve a night out or even just a "couple" to go relax. From there, It would turn into a couple day binge because I just felt so bad after the first night. I would realize that I did stupid things and I would continue to drink the morning after because I didnt want to deal with the consequences. It was a vicious cycle!
As they say, alcoholism is progressive. In the beginning, I never did 2-3 day binges. If I drank one night and did stupid things, I would wake up the next morning and feel like crap, shameful and among other emotions but not drink. Now, I just start drinking more and more.
As far as looking into the future and what not, you really have to concentrate just on today. I think I am on day 34 or 35, i lost count but they keep telling me to just concentrate on today or one day at a time. I know it is hard because how do you psyche yourself out by just thinking about today. I think as you keep going and keep getting through day by day that it will be easier to concentrate on just for today.
Have a good day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Recovery1983 
You mentioned that you tend to relapse or go back to alcohol after you tend to your responsibilities, start feeling good, and feel confident. This was the same situation for me. I would work out for a good 2-3 weeks and start feeling good again, I would have all my responsibilities in order, and generally life was back to "normal". Boom! that is where I decide that I deserve a night out or even just a "couple" to go relax. From there, It would turn into a couple day binge because I just felt so bad after the first night. I would realize that I did stupid things and I would continue to drink the morning after because I didnt want to deal with the consequences. It was a vicious cycle!
As they say, alcoholism is progressive. In the beginning, I never did 2-3 day binges. If I drank one night and did stupid things, I would wake up the next morning and feel like crap, shameful and among other emotions but not drink. Now, I just start drinking more and more.
As they say, alcoholism is progressive. In the beginning, I never did 2-3 day binges. If I drank one night and did stupid things, I would wake up the next morning and feel like crap, shameful and among other emotions but not drink. Now, I just start drinking more and more.
That, right there, is my life squeezed into two paragraphs. I'm more serious about it this time than any other time though. I don't want another experience like the one I had this past week.
Originally Posted by Recovery1983
"Everybody Loves Raymond" is one of my favorite shows but back on topic.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
Hey Frank, good to see youre doin well..i know Scotland well i worked there a lot of years..the glaswegians..well there somethin else..Brand new..you can never pull the wool over a scotsmans eyes...canny likeable bunch..but there football teams..ah well.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Kerbcrawler
Hey Frank, good to see youre doin well..i know Scotland well i worked there a lot of years..the glaswegians..well there somethin else..Brand new..you can never pull the wool over a scotsmans eyes...canny likeable bunch..but there football teams..ah well.......
As for the football teams? Well, one of them are not too bad. But then, I'm biased.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by FrankBarone
Not too far from Glasgow and spend a bit of time there. The craziest and nicest people in the world.
As for the football teams? Well, one of them are not too bad. But then, I'm biased.
As for the football teams? Well, one of them are not too bad. But then, I'm biased.
Off topic but which of the 2 teams would be for you the Ger's or the Hoops? Being a life long Gooner I know that we have many supporters of each team! But mainly Rangers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Celtic mate, with a wee soft spot for Everton.
A few aquaintances of mine up here are Gooners. One, in particular, gets down around four or five times a season. He's been doing it for about twenty odd years.
A few aquaintances of mine up here are Gooners. One, in particular, gets down around four or five times a season. He's been doing it for about twenty odd years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Slept like a baby last night. First non-intoxicated sleep without the TV on for a long time so I'm gradually becoming comfortable with my own company again.
Still getting horrific flashbacks to some social faux pas I made last week but, as per usual, it's probably a bigger deal in my own mind than it is in reality with the others involved. Still though, when alcohol is making you act in a way contrary to the way you, to put it complicatedly, perceive yourself to be perceived (does that make sense to anyone else?) it's not a great feeling.
The thought of going outside is still a bit of an issue. I've been out a couple of times but on both occasions I couldn't wait to get home again.
Everyday's definitely been an improvement in one way or another and, ultimately, day six of sobriety is infinitely better than day six of a bender.
Happy Easter and God Bless,
FB.
Still getting horrific flashbacks to some social faux pas I made last week but, as per usual, it's probably a bigger deal in my own mind than it is in reality with the others involved. Still though, when alcohol is making you act in a way contrary to the way you, to put it complicatedly, perceive yourself to be perceived (does that make sense to anyone else?) it's not a great feeling.
The thought of going outside is still a bit of an issue. I've been out a couple of times but on both occasions I couldn't wait to get home again.
Everyday's definitely been an improvement in one way or another and, ultimately, day six of sobriety is infinitely better than day six of a bender.
Happy Easter and God Bless,
FB.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Originally Posted by FrankBarone
ultimately, day six of sobriety is infinitely better than day six of a bender.
.
.
I have had a great day today. If I had of still been drinking then this would have been day 3 of a bender and it would have been a calamity. Running away from the inevitable and p*ssing off everybody, who gets in my way, in the process.
So grateful for staying sober. I would have been feeling so ill now but instead I'm feeling nice and healthy and optimistic.
peace
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Hi Frank, and welcome aboard. I'm fairly new here and happy to have found this groups of loving and supportive people. I am a recovered alcoholic and, just like nearly everyone who has posted here....can relate to exactly what you are experiencing.
I've been sober a number of years, and my biggest challenge was the obsession: the insanity of alcoholism that allows me to believe that "this time will be different," or "I can have just one," or even..."So what...I can stop again some other time." (but this is a potentially fatal disease, so there may not be another time.)
If you have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'd suggest you open it to page 31 (more about alcoholism) and see how your experience is not unique, different or even more difficult than others who have embarked on this journey of recovery. If you don't have it, it is available on-line. I'm a member of AA, because that is finally what worked for me. I don't believe that sobriety is for those who need it....but for those who WANT it badly enough to "go to any lengths" to get it. That's what I finally got willing to do after years of struggling with it. The "gift" of desperation was the key.
Do not be misled by "feeling good." Nor alarmed by "feeling bad." Be grateful to be able to experience your feelings, period, instead of running away from them. Sobriety is NOT about comfort. It is about not drinking no matter what. It is about character.
I hope you stick around here and gobble up all the love and support that is being offered.
blessings
zbear
I've been sober a number of years, and my biggest challenge was the obsession: the insanity of alcoholism that allows me to believe that "this time will be different," or "I can have just one," or even..."So what...I can stop again some other time." (but this is a potentially fatal disease, so there may not be another time.)
If you have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'd suggest you open it to page 31 (more about alcoholism) and see how your experience is not unique, different or even more difficult than others who have embarked on this journey of recovery. If you don't have it, it is available on-line. I'm a member of AA, because that is finally what worked for me. I don't believe that sobriety is for those who need it....but for those who WANT it badly enough to "go to any lengths" to get it. That's what I finally got willing to do after years of struggling with it. The "gift" of desperation was the key.
Do not be misled by "feeling good." Nor alarmed by "feeling bad." Be grateful to be able to experience your feelings, period, instead of running away from them. Sobriety is NOT about comfort. It is about not drinking no matter what. It is about character.
I hope you stick around here and gobble up all the love and support that is being offered.
blessings
zbear
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by FrankBarone
Celtic mate, with a wee soft spot for Everton.
A few aquaintances of mine up here are Gooners. One, in particular, gets down around four or five times a season. He's been doing it for about twenty odd years.
A few aquaintances of mine up here are Gooners. One, in particular, gets down around four or five times a season. He's been doing it for about twenty odd years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Well, that's a week just about cleared. Not kidding myself or anyone else that I see it as an achievement of any kind because I do it regularly and still ended up back on the booze. I am aware however, for the first time in my life, and, hopefully, this is what'll make this time different, of the fact that I have no control whatsoever over alcohol. Within myself, I'm feeling OK. Eating well enough, sleeping's returning to a pattern that resembles normal and the depression has been lifting a little as each day passes.
Had a frank and, for me, brutal discussion with the Girlfriend last night and was told some things that I didn't really want to hear about myself even if I already knew them -it's never nice to hear it from someone else. That, though, is her entitlement and, if truth be told, she probably could've did a bigger hatchet job on me if she really wanted as I have been a total a**hole towards her, particularly in the last six months. The only thing I could really tell her is that it won't be possible for me to give her drunken abuse or disappear on benders if I simply don't allow myself to get into a position to do so and while this isn't my only reason for wanting to get sober, it's well up the list.
So, all in all, I'm at a fork junction. Head one way to sobriety, a loving relationship and a future. Or head the other way to a booze tainted hell. I know which one I want to take. Every sober day is a step further on that correct path.
Cheers to anybody that's been reading my daily unburdening of my thoughts and for your kind words. It really is a help.
F.
Had a frank and, for me, brutal discussion with the Girlfriend last night and was told some things that I didn't really want to hear about myself even if I already knew them -it's never nice to hear it from someone else. That, though, is her entitlement and, if truth be told, she probably could've did a bigger hatchet job on me if she really wanted as I have been a total a**hole towards her, particularly in the last six months. The only thing I could really tell her is that it won't be possible for me to give her drunken abuse or disappear on benders if I simply don't allow myself to get into a position to do so and while this isn't my only reason for wanting to get sober, it's well up the list.
So, all in all, I'm at a fork junction. Head one way to sobriety, a loving relationship and a future. Or head the other way to a booze tainted hell. I know which one I want to take. Every sober day is a step further on that correct path.
Cheers to anybody that's been reading my daily unburdening of my thoughts and for your kind words. It really is a help.
F.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Hi, not been on for a week or so. Was away on a walking holiday, covered 154km over six days in what must be some of the most stunning scenery in the World. It was a truly fantastic way to clear the mind. I'm still fairly resolute in my decision to quit drinking - today is day 16 and it is absolutely fantastic to be sober. What a great feeling.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by FrankBarone
Hi, not been on for a week or so. Was away on a walking holiday, covered 154km over six days in what must be some of the most stunning scenery in the World. It was a truly fantastic way to clear the mind. I'm still fairly resolute in my decision to quit drinking - today is day 16 and it is absolutely fantastic to be sober. What a great feeling.
Keep sharing & posting 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
As I've said in previous posts, abstaining for periods of a week to ten days is a common occurence for me before I convince myself that drinking this time will be different and then proceed to make all the same mistakes I'd made on my last bender, so finding myself here at the two and a half week mark you'll guess that I'm starting to feel things getting a little tougher.
I've a knot in my stomach, can't sit at peace or concentrate and have a general feeling that my head's ready to burst. This is all because I know that my mates are heading to the football tomorrow and then out on the beer and that I have a few quid burning a hole in my pocket - optimum conditions usually for the start of a genuinely unintended bender. At this stage I can't even trust myself to go to the football and head straight home so I'll be settling for the radio while staying close to SR tomorrow. Waking up Sunday and remembering the result will be a welcome change as well.
Not really sure of my point tonight and I realise that there's no point in worrying about tomorrow when there's nothing I can do about it right now - I just find it cathartic to get things off my chest and this place provides a great outlet.
My head doesn't feel anywhere near bursting point as it did when I started typing so that's a small victory in itself.
All advice appreciated.
Cheers
F.
I've a knot in my stomach, can't sit at peace or concentrate and have a general feeling that my head's ready to burst. This is all because I know that my mates are heading to the football tomorrow and then out on the beer and that I have a few quid burning a hole in my pocket - optimum conditions usually for the start of a genuinely unintended bender. At this stage I can't even trust myself to go to the football and head straight home so I'll be settling for the radio while staying close to SR tomorrow. Waking up Sunday and remembering the result will be a welcome change as well.
Not really sure of my point tonight and I realise that there's no point in worrying about tomorrow when there's nothing I can do about it right now - I just find it cathartic to get things off my chest and this place provides a great outlet.
My head doesn't feel anywhere near bursting point as it did when I started typing so that's a small victory in itself.
All advice appreciated.
Cheers
F.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Hey FB - I read this post and thought it sounded familiar. I will tell you how SR helped and currently helps me. You have the patterns I did in that you feel better after so much time and then forget just how bad it was. Here's something I would suggest you read and then maybe start a journal or something.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2556651
That was your first post and it really describes how you were feeling and what made you go to the computer and find SR. I just recently went back myself down memory lane and I feel 100 percent better about this. Can't go back and "control" my drinking. Heck! I tried to control my drinking my whole life practically and it never ever worked.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2556651
That was your first post and it really describes how you were feeling and what made you go to the computer and find SR. I just recently went back myself down memory lane and I feel 100 percent better about this. Can't go back and "control" my drinking. Heck! I tried to control my drinking my whole life practically and it never ever worked.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Horselover
Hey FB - I read this post and thought it sounded familiar. I will tell you how SR helped and currently helps me. You have the patterns I did in that you feel better after so much time and then forget just how bad it was. Here's something I would suggest you read and then maybe start a journal or something.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2556651
That was your first post and it really describes how you were feeling and what made you go to the computer and find SR. I just recently went back myself down memory lane and I feel 100 percent better about this. Can't go back and "control" my drinking. Heck! I tried to control my drinking my whole life practically and it never ever worked.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2556651
That was your first post and it really describes how you were feeling and what made you go to the computer and find SR. I just recently went back myself down memory lane and I feel 100 percent better about this. Can't go back and "control" my drinking. Heck! I tried to control my drinking my whole life practically and it never ever worked.
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think you've made a wise choice sticking with the radio FB.
It does get easier - but you're right to be cautious in early recovery
D
It does get easier - but you're right to be cautious in early recovery
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
