New Here but not to the program
 

Howdy all,
I am a recovering addict who is still new in my recovery. I had about 47 days then a slip now I am up to 8. I go to at least 1 meeting every day and I have a sponsor(who I haven't called enough). I have a desire to stop using but my obsession to use has not been removed in the slightest. I can't take it one day at a time, I mostly have to think in terms of "I won't use in the next ten minutes". This is incredibly hard.

I have already come to believe in a power greater than myself I just question the reality of my sanity being restored!

Thanks for listening

Welcome to SR, Swelter.:welcome

Hi swelter welcome to SR. I used to think about when and where my next high would happen, it consumed my mind 24 hours a day. Now with a clear head my cravings are all but gone and everyday without drugs and alcohol is a blessing. Hang in there and good things will come your way.

Hey Swelter, welcome to the forum. It seems like you are familiar with the 12 steps. I'm doing AA but i'm not sure if you are doing AA or NA. I think they are almost the same but the reference is to alcohol or narcotics. For me, the biggest hurdle was truly understanding the first step. I had to look deep down and surrender to alcohol. In AA they have a book called "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions". My sponsor had me read the first step in the book and while I was reading it, it felt like the book was referring strictly to me. All that was missing was my actual name at the end of every sentence.

In my opinion, the obsession that you talk about will always be there. Some say that as you get more time under your belt, the obsession grows stronger because your addict mind will start to rationalize or justify certain thoughts. It was hard for me to believe that my mind is an addict mind and thus wired differently. It was hard because my friends did not have this and if I try to explain it to them, they look at me as if i'm hysterical. It was something that I had to learn the hard way in order to surrender to alcoholism. Even if my friends dont "understand" completely what i'm going through, I am assured that the people in the meetings can understand completely.

It's great that you are going to meetings every day. You mention that you have a sponsor which is great too. My sponsor tells me to call him once every day. I've been doing it the last 28 days. I'll admit that some times I'm already dreading to call him. I get so wrapped up in doing my daily things that I feel like that. When I realized that feeling, I had to remember that it was my addict mind already setting back in. My sponsor doesnt remind me to call him and he always reminds me that doing all this is for me and not for him. If you arent calling your sponsor every day then make it a regular habit to call him every day. Now that I have some days under my belt and i'm going to meetings and doing what I need to be doing and especially staying sober, I just call to check in with him. I've also gotten other member's numbers and another person has recommended that I call 3 people every day just to get into that habit.

With all this being said, just worry for today. As long as you are doing what you are supposed to do, you'll be fine. If you are wondering what you are supposed to do, contact your sponsor and let him know that you want his help and recommendations.

Welcome to SR swelter, you are on a solid path based upon my own experience, lots of meetings & a sponsor. You mention the steps, are you taking the steps with your sponsor?

I can attest that my obsession for alcohol was lifted due to taking & applying daily to all areas of my life the steps. I took the steps with my sponsor because to be quite honest even though the steps are in reality very simple, but for an alcoholic or addict we tend to over complicate the simplest of things & create for our selfs a beast out of the most simple & obvious things!

My sponsor due to his experience taking & applying the steps was able to make me see that I was take the simple & making it so complex that no human could do them.

If you are working the steps now you will find that some time after taking step 10 we will slowly become aware that our sanity has returned, at this point we have quit fighting drugs & alcohol as well as fighting life itself, there is no longer a need to fight anything or anyone as long as we keep ourselves spiritually fit.

Do you beleive that your Power Greater then you can do anything? Then just have faith that with time & work on your part that your HP will return your sanity. It took me taking the steps to heart with my sponsor one at a time in order simply having faith that if I take them that the promises associated with each step will come true. SOme of them have come quickly for me, others slowly, but as long as we keep working at it they will all eventually come true.

Relax, try & be at peace, keep putting one foot in front of the other, as you go along the path keep a gratitude list and read it often, you will develop faith in what you are doing is providing you results, this will make your faith stronger & you will find your self taking more actions towards growth and more things to be grateful for.

Now I will say something that I used to hate hearing because addict or alcoholic the one thing we always look for is instant gratification and that simply does not happen when working towards good goals. Time takes Time!

Swelter: Welcome to SR. I'm pretty new to this site myself, although I have been sober for several years. I still remember the morning I awoke and knew it waws over. I'd had yet another DWI. That bottle of pills I took didn't do what I wanted. I had tried everything imaginable to keep drinking, and all had backfired on me. So I surrendered. I gave up the fight: Alcohol had beaten me. My fear from that point was how I would live sober, and it would be several weeks later that I was introduced to AA. That's where I learned the tools that would help me to live life on life's terms. As for coming to believe.....that would take a bit longer. I grow a little uncomfortable when people "come to believe" so quickly, because too often I have observed them making a quick & uncommitted pledge to religion instead of spirituality. It has been my own experience that most of us need to nurture that relatiionship, whether with a Higher Power or the universe or spirit.

Recovery1983 wrote: In my opinion, the obsession that you talk about will always be there. Some say that as you get more time under your belt, the obsession grows stronger because your addict mind will start to rationalize or justify certain thoughts. It was hard for me to believe that my mind is an addict mind and thus wired differently.

I have been sober for more than 21 years, and today I think about drinking alcohol about as often as I think of drinking bleach. Alcohol simply is not in my repertoire. I don't say that I am immune to it, but the reality is that I don't think about it anymore; it is history. It does pass.

Welcome to SR! :) I hope we can help you in your desire to live a sober life. SR has helped me so much, I pray we can share our hope with you and that you can live a rewarding life free of alcohol.

Welcome to SR swelter :)

D