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Old 03-28-2010, 08:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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One week sober


I've been drinking on my own for years now (I'm 29 now) and am now 8 days sober today. Some days I've really missed drinking. Others have gone by without nary a thought.

Still, I struggle. I would've gone to the liquor store today if it hadn't been closed by the time I thought of it. I thank god I didn't think about it before 5:00 rolled around.

I miss the taste, the way alcohol made me feel. It's almost like an old friend I could rely on every night to make me feel good. But the shame and remorse I'd feel every morning I woke up with stale alcohol breath outweighed that in the end. For now.

No one in my life knows about my struggle. People know I drink too much when we're out at bars, but no one knows I drink alone a lot at night. I'm too ashamed. I guess you could say I'm a "functioning" alcoholic. I'm hoping to find community here.
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Old 03-28-2010, 08:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome. I just joined this forum in February and it has helped me immensely. Stick around and you will meet some really great folks.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi eleanor

I think you'll find your story resonates with most of us - the secret drinking alone, the shame, the remorse, and the almost grieving for a lost friend when we give it up....it can be tough - especially at 8 days - but you're doing great.

And you're not alone. Coming here is a good move - you'll find a lot of support and encouragement, and a lot of understanding too

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Old 03-28-2010, 09:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Congrats and welcome. Chances are that if you think you have a problem you do.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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My story is a lot like yours. Going out and getting drunk w/ friends was the social norm. But no one knew I was putting away a handle of vodka by myself every 2 to3 days alone. We quit being "functional" alcholics when alcohol consumes us more than we consume it. We become obsessed with thoughts of the drink and thinking of how great it will feel to just get drunk, listen to music, play vid games/ surf the net, etc. But its not that great. Its not functional. You are destroying yourself all alone and its not okay to do so. Quit now before your liver quits on you...and it will quit on you if you keep going. I offer you any support you need. You've made it this far. don't go back. Keep staying sober and for now, thats enough.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:07 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to our recovery community....

Congratulations on your sober time!
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! Congrats on your sober time. Keep adding to it a day at a time and you'll be amazed how much better you feel.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome! Glad you are here. Yes, I thought alcohol was once my friend too, but today I know differently. It isn't a friend anymore--perhaps never really was...I just imagined that it was. Congrats on 8 days! This is a great place for support. We do recover.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you ALL for your support. It means a lot to me and I hope to be a support for all of you as well.

It's 11:15 pm here. Usually I'd be drunk and stumbling to bed and groaning on Monday morning when it was time to get up. Now I'm totally sober and will feel refreshed in the morning and not have to wonder what I texted or emailed to anyone the night before. Yay!
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Eleanor, I'm in my first week of sobriety (just hit 96 hours), and I've found AA to be a big help to me. That was not the case when I went 4 years ago, but these last 4 days I've been living in those rooms. Talking with people who have had similar experiences, listening to the stories, beginning a relationship with my sponsor...It's been invaluable.

Awesome work getting to 8 days! Now just make it 9!
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hey Eleanor, I am 8 days sober, too. We're both going to be happy tomorrow morning that we did not drink today or over the weekend!

I got to the point where alcohol was making me miserable more than it made me happy, as I think most of us here have come to realize. My hangovers were getting worse all the time with insomnia, anxiety and panic attacks taking over. I am happy to say goodbye to some of the worst times and feelings of my life.

Welcome!!!
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Old 03-28-2010, 10:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Great job on your 8 days that is awesome, I'm comming up on 3 months clean and sober and I have never felt better. Stay with it, your doing great.
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Old 03-29-2010, 08:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR eleanor, stay in the day, that is all we control is today anyhow. Have you thought of AA or some other long term recovery program?
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Old 03-29-2010, 09:29 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome Eleanor! Hoping you loved waking up refreshed today and not having to worry about any damage control that might be needed. That was always a killer for me.

Congrats on 8 days! As "functioning" as we appear, it's only a matter of time before things progressively worse. All those yets (haven't lost a job, yet, haven't lost my family, yet) were all just waiting to happen - fortunately, it didn't have to come to that before I "got it."

The hardest part in early sobriety for me was when I began feeling good - physically and mentally. Alcoholism is very deceptive. It will pounce on anything to lure you back.

Glad you're with us! Looking forward to hearing more from you. Take care.
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Old 03-29-2010, 10:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome, Eleanor... there are plenty of good friends here. I think you'll find quite a few people here who are surprised at what they can do. The very best thing about being sober is that life really starts having focus. Even the music's getting clearer! Wishing you the best (:
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi Eleanor and Welcome!

I'm glad you found us and good for you on your 8 days sober!
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:22 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Eleanor, good for you. I used to make sure I had my new stash before closing time too. Since I stopped drinking, it's nice not have that burden and not to see myself prioritizing the alcohol over the groceries. Lots of times I would consider going out for groceries or some other errand and feel like I didn't want to go and would do it another time; yet a few minutes later, I would wind up on my way to get alcohol. Talk about priorities and double standards.

You will probably (or possibly) find yourself gaining confidence with each week that passes. As far as days gone by without drinking, I am in the 130s now. There were times I had a "home free" feeling, like it would not come back, but there were also times that thoughts about alcohol would creep in, even in the last week. Not a good alternative for me. I don't want to die drunk, to put it bluntly.
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
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hi eleanor

thanks for your post and congradulations and great that you avoided the drink last night. when i've experienced that before and wokel up the next morning....i've always (always I think) been glad...even if my mind is "crazy" or anxious because it would be even worse to have that with a night of using or drinking behind me
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Old 05-29-2018, 07:45 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I can relate ..

Quote:
Originally Posted by eleanor View Post
I've been drinking on my own for years now (I'm 29 now) and am now 8 days sober today. Some days I've really missed drinking. Others have gone by without nary a thought.

Still, I struggle. I would've gone to the liquor store today if it hadn't been closed by the time I thought of it. I thank god I didn't think about it before 5:00 rolled around.

I miss the taste, the way alcohol made me feel. It's almost like an old friend I could rely on every night to make me feel good. But the shame and remorse I'd feel every morning I woke up with stale alcohol breath outweighed that in the end. For now.

No one in my life knows about my struggle. People know I drink too much when we're out at bars, but no one knows I drink alone a lot at night. I'm too ashamed. I guess you could say I'm a "functioning" alcoholic. I'm hoping to find community here.
I can relate my friend .. Iíve been sneaking alone drinking for a while now, Iíve always drank a lot , but for the last 6 months been almost finishing a bottle of vodka every night ... Iím 34 and divorced, lonely I guess , maybe a little depression and major anxiety. Iím one week sober today , I was tired of who I became and the lack of enjoyment I was getting out of life ...
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Old 05-29-2018, 07:55 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Welcome Eleanor. It is great to have you here.

There is some great advice here already. You are not alone. I relate completely. Somewhere in my mid to late twenties, drinking went from a social activity to something I did alone for no other purpose than to get as drunk as possible. Over the past eight years I have had many slips, but have spent much more time sober than not. Drinking might seem like an old friend but there is nothing better than waking up sober. I never regret saying no to drinking.
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