16YearsDrunk

My actions and behaviours are starting to get a little out of control. I'm being very irrational. I know this is symptom of withdrawal. If you've followed my posts you'll know what I mean.

This morning me and my partner started talking again. She was happy I was helping out and happy we were trying to resolve the issues. Then boom. We got into a raging argument. Completely my fault this time.

She's gone out again. I was left alone and I started to have negative thoughts about self harm and suicide. I called 111 fast as I was contemplating doing something. But, thanks to the lovely lady on the end of the phone I am feeling like I have a plan of action. I broke down in tears on the phone to her and she discussed in great detail about how I am feeling.

She contacted my GP (not sure how it's bank holiday) and they got me in tomorrow under an emergency appointment for medications, and bereavement counselling. The mental health nurse said I was in need of it as a matter of urgency.

And she's right. The past 2 years I've lost the 2 men in my life. My Dad, and my stepdad. Both from Cancer, both died 12 months apart. I have pushed it to the back of my head and told everyone I was strong. But then the towers came crumbling down.

No doubt the alcohol has helped me forget about my problems.

I am documenting this here because I want to look back on this awful situation and remind myself how far I've came. Because I will do this. I will get through it.

I have realised in life you sometimes have to be a bit selfish and take care of number one, because when everything else around you crumbles away you're still left to pick up the mess. There is absolutely no avoiding that. You can delay that process with alcohol, but at some point you will have to face the things you've been running away from.

Dealing with those problems is not pretty. And it's not fun. The journey will never be easy because the reason we turned to the bottle was to avoid dealing with monstrous mess we call life.

Just remember ... you're not alone. The mental health nurse on the phone told me that. She said even she, and her colleagues, suffer depression from time to time. They all have problems that affect them daily. But she said it's how you deal with those problems that matters.

Today has been terrible. A shambles. My relationship is hanging by a thread. But ... on the plus side I'm 1 week sober and still going strong.

It's time to fight the demons once and for all.

MantaLady

I am so relieved for you that treatment has been fast tracked and you are now going to get some more face to face and immediate support, that is great news!

You are an inspiration to me 16, to pick up the phone and call someone, not drink at this, well, I admire your strength. Keep fighting, it's not always going to be this hard and the sun will shine on you again xx

yinzer

I’m glad you are still sober and going to get help. We all need a bit of help once in a while to get through the rough patches!

16YearsDrunk

Thank you MataLady. I feel like I've turned a corner. They say things start to get better from the moment you actively reach out for help. I am looking forward to having a happier life.

Rar

Hi 16. Count me among the others who are relieved you are receiving F2F support. You've shown much courage reaching out for help and avoiding the drink. You're an inspiration to me. Hang in there and stay close.

Dee74

I'm so glad to hear you reached out for help and you're getting it 16

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Numblady

I don’t “know” you but I have read several of your posts and I am so proud of you. You didn’t just do what you needed to do. You are learning from it and building on it. Thank you for sharing this.

Verdantia

I am so glad you reached out and am getting some f2f help, 16. It takes a lot of strength to do this. Excellent on one week!

Delilah1

I'm so glad you have a week sober, it really does start to get easier as you build up more time. I'm really glad you have that appointment tomorrow. Check in and let us know how it goes.

Amusic

Breathe and Believe! Feel and have Faith!! I know the pain is intense and you probably want to anything to make it go away. Stay focused. Everything will be ok.

16YearsDrunk

I have my doctors appointment in 2 hours. Nervous. I woke up and initially put it off. I told myself I'll be fine I don't need any help I just need to control my emotions.

The idea of leaving the house, walking to my doctors, sitting around to wait for an appointment to be come available so I can be seen (that's how they do emergency appointments here).

But, I need this so I am going. The anxiety is going to eat away at me all morning

Day 9 today. My head doesn't feel fuzzy, agitated, or stressed. I fell asleep around 11pm and was up at 6. I love how I can fall asleep early, and wake up early. When I drank alcohol I always woke up feeling sleepy, and groggy.

What if he suggests a hospital? He isn't going to do that is he? I hope not.

MantaLady

Just take a deep breath 16, and try not to get yourself all worried about what might or might not happen when you get in there. It's not going to help you and what will be will be, just make sure you are honest and get as much help as they are offering. Best of luck with it, let us know how you get on, you can do this, you're stronger than you think xx

Dee74

Wishing you the best 16 - no one can make you do anything you don't want to do

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16YearsDrunk

Hey all,

I just got back from the doctor. I'm on 100mg sertraline, and I will get a call back this week to get me in for bereavement counselling and CBT. My mom spoke to my cousin last night who is also a professional mental health nurse for the NHS who gave me the information I need to get referred to an adult autism place. I need help to learn how to deal with things.

Dee74

All that sounds positive 16

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16YearsDrunk

You, and others on this forum offer amazing advice and are always helpful. You're one of the members that gives me strength and encouragement. I'm actually tearing up a little writing this because I still can not believe a forum could help me out of my hole. It's full of such nice people and even when I'm having an off day on here there's always someone that will help me see the bright side. I learn from other members all the time. I lean the traits, the effects, and the every day reminders that remind me why I shouldn't drink.

Sorry, I just had to say that

Rar

It sounds like all went well, 16. Things are looking up.

Schools are more aware of autism and diagnosing it more now than they were years ago. My son will be 40 in a couple of weeks and the more I read about autism, the more I believe he had (has) it when he was young and it was misdiagnosed as behavior issues. We had our challenges raising him. Anyway, I'm glad you're receiving help now. I'm sure it will help. Wishing you the best.

Keep us posted 16.

Chase01

16, the way you reached out for help, and then followed through with the appointment is fantastic. So many of us, myself included, failed to ask for help for a very long time. You are doing the right things for your health and sobriety. Keep going and take advantage of the help that is available to you.

Culture

Glad your getting good, supportive help now 16, it is amazing the things you can learn on this site and the kindness that others offer you here. I would not be sober without SR, fact.

Dee74

Thanks for the kind words 16

you can do this, man

D