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Not Happy today

Old 03-26-2010, 11:15 PM
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Unhappy Not Happy today

today is a bad day for me, full of self loathing, how did i get into this situation, why am i craving to drink, i hate the taste but the numbness that it gives me and drives my pain away just for a short time has such a pulling power,

for me today is a Saturday, the football is on tonight i love the football and i love to drink when i watch the football....

God, why am i ranting....what is wrong with me....
I just hate who I have become..... I feel like such a failure, I feel nothing....
Last night was night 4
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:21 PM
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I hate the moment right before i drink after I have stopped for a while, I hate the next day more, i always regret it, If you can go to sleep or whatever but drinking isnt that great, you just hunger for it, eat somthing else.
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:25 PM
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Dinkee - the early days are a bit of a rollercoaster ride - just try and keep focused and maintain perspective...reading and posting here is good for that...and, above all, don't give into the idea a drink will help in any way - it won't.

You can do this - hang in there!
D
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:39 PM
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Dinkee, I'm just working on Day 3. Keep it going; if you get to 5 I know I can!
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Old 03-27-2010, 04:58 AM
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It does get better Dinkee.
For me at first all I could remember were the good times of drinking but now all I can remember are the bad times of drinking.
I have a list of all the bad things about drinking and if I get an urge I read the list and it goes away.
Hang in there and good luck.
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Old 03-27-2010, 05:03 AM
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I feel for ya as I'm having a bad time of it lately too... but dammit, I'm sober and going to stay that way come hell or high water. You can too!
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Old 03-27-2010, 06:05 AM
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you aren't alone....I have enough self-loathing for both of us and 1/2 my block too.

I spent 6 months hating myself and drinking heavier and heavier...it didn't help and I hated myself more....every avenue i tried seemed like another failure.

after 40 sober days, I actually like myself some days and feel hopeful...being sober is not a cure all (for me), but it is much better for the long run and less damaging to my psyche...i am kinder to myself.
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Old 03-27-2010, 06:27 AM
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Hi Drinkee,

Congratulations on Day 4 sober!

The self-loathing can prevent you from recovering. I allowed those feelings to overwhelm me countless times and it caused many relapses.

Remember addiction is a disease, not a character defect.

My suggestion is if football triggers you to drink, avoid the football. There are lots of tough choices in early recovery.
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Old 03-27-2010, 02:44 PM
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thanks for sharing dinky

stay sober and hang on. the roller coaster becomes more fun then the hills aren't as steep as at the beginning
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Old 03-27-2010, 03:14 PM
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My experience with craving alcohol....from my files

I think there are 2 types of cravings
perhaps a mixture?

One type is more a habit than physical.

You drive home and your car steers into your
favorite bar or package store.
You come home tired...sit in "your: chair and
want the usual comfort of a glass/can in hand.
To sleeep better...toss down a drink.

These can be avoided by changeing your routine

Drive a different route
Change the furniture around..sit in a different place.
Fix a glass of anything non alcoholic.

If you drink booze from a can...use a glass
If you did drink from a glass...use a mug

I did time my cravings in early sobriety.
Mine were 5 to 7 minutes in duration.
seemed forever...but that was false.

I took action....drank cold watter ...brushed my teeth
went for a walk...danced around the room...ate Lifesavers

I was also taking a multi vitamin and a B 12,
I was following an eating plan for hypoglycemia

Within 2 weeks they lessened immensley... in both
intensity and duration By 2 months they vanished
The oddest thing....
when I now watch football...I not only know who won
but I know how.

Please do continue your sobriety...you will find it so
beneficial rather quickly....
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Old 03-27-2010, 03:29 PM
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Dinkee, I feel for you - having been there so many times. What everyone said is so true - nothing will be made better by picking up again. You've come so far in just a few days - staying away from it is so much harder than anyone realizes, but you've done it. Be proud.

You'll go through many phases as you heal, and after awhile everything lightens up. The self-loathing kept me drinking for years. I couldn't bear to think of all the destruction I'd caused while I was numb & not paying attention. There was no easy way, so I just faced up to everything and stood tall - knowing I'd be strong again one day and could fix all the things that were fixable. Do not despair - the sun will shine again for you.
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Old 03-28-2010, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Dinkee View Post
for me today is a Saturday, the football is on tonight i love the football and i love to drink when i watch the football....
How did it go last night?

I had similar thoughts with watching hockey - did not know how I could watch a game without a drink in my hand. I remember how liberated I felt at the end of the first sober game I watched. Part of getting over the association of drinking and watching sports is "mind over matter". Drinking while watching a sporting event is not a requirement, it's a habit or a mental association that has been developed over time.

As you work through your recovery, you should be able to break these mental associations. In the end it is worth the effort to "retool" yourself to think a different way.

It will get easier over time, but you have to work at it. You can't just stop the drinking, you have to dig deeper into yourself to answer the "who, what, when, where, why, and how" of drinking. By getting to the real root cause of your drinking, you can develop the necessary plans to stop and will have a higher chance of success. One day you will wake up and realize that you no longer need to have a drink to enjoy certain things, enjoyment will just happen naturally on its own.

Stay strong! With a few days under your belt already, you've already progressed - keep building on that.
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Old 03-28-2010, 12:24 PM
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[QUOTE=Omega10;2554012]One day you will wake up and realize that you no longer need to have a drink to enjoy certain things, enjoyment will just happen naturally on its own.QUOTE]

Hope you made out ok last night. Omega's thought makes me ponder something. When we were kids, before we drank, we USED to just do things and enjoy them naturally. I wonder at times, what the H*ll happened to me? I am only 70 days sober and keep having to retool and rethink associations about things that I associate with drinking. I hope you and I and all the rest of us working on recovery can get to this point of enjoyment happening naturally. I really cannot wait! Good luck to you. You can do it!
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Old 03-28-2010, 03:54 PM
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hey dinky

i've returned to the steep scary first hill of the roller coaster today. you are not alone.
it's common for me to want to drink when I "LOATH" myself.
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Old 03-28-2010, 04:31 PM
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I'm sorry your feeling down. I know the feeling... hugs <3
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