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Why can't I stop?

Old 03-25-2010, 11:51 PM
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Why can't I stop?

I'm not going to lie...I am drunk right now.

I have been wanting to stop for quite some time now. I will sit here all day long and tell myself I am not going to drink, and then one of my friends will call me in the afternoon, mention drinking, and what do I do? I say, "Yeah, sounds good, when are you going to pick me up?"

I have a good time when I am drinking, but then I spend at least a day recovering. Oh, and also telling myself, "I'm not going to do this anymore." But, then I do.

I know I need to stop, but I just can't seem to do it. I don't drink every day, but when I drink, I drink A LOT. I am so tired of it. I keep thinking that I can just stop, but it never seems to work out that way.

I've been reading this forum for probably 6 months or so...read a lot of stories that sound similar to mine. For some reason, I just can't seem to learn from my previous actions!!! I'm not looking for a magic bullet or anything...I know it's up to me, but I guess I'm just looking for some more input.

Sorry for the long rant!!!
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:12 AM
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thahdog,

Welcome to SR! Have you read over the stickies at the top of the forums? There's lots of good information.

For me to get sober, I had to have a program. AA is a good one. Check it out.

I hope you'll stay around and let us know about your progress. It's great being sober!

Love,

Lenina
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:22 AM
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Hi Thadog

I was the same as you..I could have written that back in 07.

looking back, I couldn't stop for two reasons - one I was alcoholic and didn't want AT ALL to deal with that reality...and two, because of that, I was looking at ways to control my drinking rather than looking at the real solution - which I've found involves not drinking at all.

The good folks here helped me to realise all that and to point me in the right direction - I hope we can do that for you too

Lenina's idea of a programme is not a bad place to start, Thadog....

Welcome
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:34 AM
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Looks like you already have some good advice going. I also was a binge drinker, we think because we dont drink everyday its not that bad... well it is.

I have been telling myself that I will quit one day for years, it didnt work for me either. I had to join a program & meet people with the same problem face to face who had already found a solution. AA is my current program of choice, there are others out there depending on your preferences.

I wish you all of the best in your recovery.

Take Care,

NB
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:45 AM
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I am the same as you, I dont drink every day, but I drink till I black out, and get into trouble etc etc.

Ive gotten it down to where I can go weeks than i will slip and have a few same thing happens friends ask if I want to hangout.

Ive just been trying to stay away from things that will make me drink until I can control myself being around it.
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:01 AM
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Hi Thadog, welcome to SR....you have made a really big step by just reaching out! Good for you. I can hear in your post that your ready for change......I know how that feels and it is up to you to find what will work for you!! I have read many great suggestions!! I hope you look into them!

I remember making all these rules to "control" my drinking, only beer, only wine, only with food etc.....none of them worked. I had to accept the fact that I am allergic to alcohol and could not ever drink again!! A few years ago, that scared me to death, I could not imagine life without drinking, everything revolved around drinking BUT years of blackouts, self-loathing, guilt, shame and embarrassment has convinced me that I am an alcoholic and I need to do whatever it takes to stay sober. My hangover use to last 3 days and instead of the headache getting better as the day went on, it got worse.....some nights I had to sleep with a heating pad on my head!!! Oh, I never want to feel that way again!! SR has helped tremendously in my journey, just talking to folks that understand what I am going through means so much.

85 days into my sobriety, I am embracing it as a cherished gift!
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:31 AM
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Welcome!

I tried to sort myself out for years and control my drinking. In the end, after trying everything there is to try and spending a lot of money and time, i walked into AA and have been sober since:-)

Stick around and see if anything grabs you here!
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:40 AM
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Yes ...you really can stop and stay stopped....

Many of us are winning over alcohol.
We know and understand just how you feel.

Welcome to SR.....
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:46 AM
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Hey Thahdog,

This disease is cunning and baffling. If you are an alcoholic, you also have an alcoholic mind. This is the reason why you keep repeating this cycle. I know this cycle all too well. That bad news is that it will progressively and exponentially get worse. The good news is that you dont have to experience the worse part.

I'm a huge fitness nut so I like to stay in shape. My alcoholism and staying in shape were complete polar opposites. This was the reason for my cycle otherwise I'd probably drink every day and not care. Basically, my cycle consisted of 2 weeks sober then blackout one night from binge drinking. Before I knew it, the time between the cycles became closer and closer. Also, it went from a one night binge and turned into a 2-3 night binge. I would wake up with a big hangover and just start pounding liquor in order to relieve the pain. This was just part of the insanity.

I would say that it took me 5-6 years of this and other "stuff" in order to be where I am at now. Everyone is different and that is why there are different "bottoms". I would say that the ultimate "bottom" is death. It just seemed to me that I could always top my previous bottom. Step 1 in AA says "we have admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives have become unmanageable." People take years and years to truly understand this and some people instantly get it. However, from what I have heard, many people destroy their lives in order to truly want to give up.

You didnt mention any legal troubles or other issues in your post so I assume you have been fortunate to dodge those bullets. On the other hand, it is not an "if" but a "when" when you do encounter those type of trouble. The best thing you can do right now is read the forums until you sober up and then hit an AA meeting tomorrow. Take that step if you are wanting to quit.
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Old 03-26-2010, 03:02 AM
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It might be a good idea to see your doctor for a medically supervised detox, as going thru alcohol withdrawal is not pretty and can be dangerous. I'm glad you've been reading the forum and decided to join the family!
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Old 03-26-2010, 03:51 AM
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Thahdog welcome to SR, you have gotten some excellent advice, for me I first went to a Dr., he sent me to detox & then detox sent me to AA & I am still in it 3 1/2 yers later and very happily sober.

I would suggest first seeing & Dr. & being totally honest, follow the Dr. suggestions then get into a recovery program, for me & millions of others AA has been the key.

Be honest, open minded, & willing.
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:53 AM
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I see a lot of similarities with myself in some of the posts above as well. I drank fairly infrequently and usuually with no issues. However, too frequently I would drink more than I intended. Usually, when that happened I would swear off drinking for a period of time.
Eventually the memory would fade and I would drink again convinced I had it under control. I would also do things like just sticking with beer, thinking I was okay when I did that. I was convinced I really didn't drink let alone have a problem because I didn't drink that often.
However, after finally being truthfull with myself I have admitted I have a drinking problem and am an alcoholic. I've learned it isn't how often or how much you drink, but what results when you do drink.
Regardless, I am happy to have recently started getting involved in AA and look forward to continuing my life without alcohol. I do not want or need it.
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Old 03-26-2010, 05:16 AM
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Thadog - welcome to the family! It's wonderful that you've been reading & finally decided to post. I did the same thing - took me 5 mos. to lay it down after joining. I always knew what I had to do, but needed the encouragement & hope I found here.

Most everything in the above posts pertains to me, too. As was mentioned, this is a progressive disease. My first beer many years ago made me dizzy. In the end, a 30-pack a day (yes, you can drink one all by yourself if you start in the morning) did not do the job, so I graduated to 100 proof vodka. Nothing made me feel good or happy in the end - it was a vicious cycle of misery that I had no control of anymore.

The more you read & post here, the better you'll feel. We all understand and support you. You're not alone anymore.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:46 AM
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Thadog,
You sound like me. I cave in as well when the buddies want to have a few. I just found this site this week and I firmly believe that it was for a reason. It is going to be real hard saying no and I am sure I will slip a few times trying to climb this mountain but damn it I'm going to do it and so can you.
Lifes too short to waste it on hangovers and I think its time both of us learn that.
With the help of the people and resources on this site we really have no excuses. It's up to us to make up our own minds and I am sure going to try.

Hang in there!
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:41 AM
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Hi and Welcome!

Yes, you can stop drinking and live a peaceful life.

But, it takes a lot of changes, including the people you spend time with.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:01 AM
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You guys are great! I appreciate all the responses.

I was drunk when I posted...now, the day after, I am dealing with the hangover. It's not bad right now. Probably because I still have a buzz. Later on, I will be dealing with anxiety symptoms. (Yup, that's right. I have anxiety and depression! More than likely due to my drinking.) I'll spend all day dealing with it. Sometime tonight around 10 or 11, I'll start to feel normal again.

As crazy as it sounds, I think one of my biggest concerns is disappointing my friends if I quit. I tell them from time to time that I am going to quit, and they just laugh. I have a reputation I guess!

I feel like I'm rambling here, but it feels good to get some of this off my chest. Believe it or not, posting here was a big step for me. I look forward to hearing more from you guys.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:49 AM
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Hey dog,

Not quitting to keep from disappointing your friends is beyond crazy. This is life and death stuff my friend.

Alcohol does a number on our central nervous system which is cause for the increased anxiety, especially when we stop drinking (where you're at right now - until 11pm or so tonight, like you said). Your body is reacting to not having its regular dose of alcohol poured into it and it's trying to adjust.

I don't know if you're on meds for the anxiety/depression. If you are, drinking booze with them is lighting a fuse on the alcohol/meds combination time bomb.

I agree that if you're serious about this, best to put the "friends" on hold.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:49 PM
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hey Thahdog - i know where you're coming from with the hungover anxiety attacks. I had them everyday for the last few years. I'm only sober 8 weeks now, but I have to say that I haven't had more than a couple anxiety attacks during that time, and they lasted for maybe 30 seconds or so. Probably the best thing for me being sober so far is not having those panic attacks anymore. And honestly, even though i read that drinking causes them, i didn't really think they would go away if i stopped drinking. Glad i was wrong on that one!
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