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Went to my first meeting tonight

Old 03-24-2010, 07:40 PM
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Went to my first meeting tonight

Yep, I put on my big girl panties and I went in. It was a women's meeting, and it was a small group. They were warm and welcoming and I felt welcomed. But boy, it was the scariest, most vulnerable feeling walking in there. My lip was quivering, and I was so nervous.

I knew what to expect as far as the content of the meeting, because I have been to many meetings for my parents and my ex, just never one for myself.

After the meeting, the chairperson asked me to go to a meeting tomorrow night in another town and I burst into tears and I said "Oh sh*t, you mean I have to do this all over again? It was so hard for me to walk in here tonight!" and she laughed and said "yeah I know, we all had to walk in the first time, but tomorrow we can walk in together if you decide to go." I got a bunch of phone numbers and felt pretty good, though emothionally drain,ed from thinking.

My thoughts are along the lines of: "What if I still want to drink sometimes, what if I change my mind, what if i tell my family and friends I quit and then I unquit, etc.....

But I'm really proud that I went to my first meeting, and that I have one day sober. I still can't believe I waltzed right in there!
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:54 PM
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helluvacook, that is so awsome. I am so happy for you. NA is just like anything eles in life, the more you do it the easier it gets. And dont focus on all your thoughts, focus on staying clean. And I pray it dont happen but if those thoughts ever do happen, it dont matter if its 2 mins from now or 20 yrs from now, NA will never turn you away. And always remember its never to late until your dead!!! I will definately say a prayer for your tonight.
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Old 03-24-2010, 08:09 PM
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Thats great nice one!!!!

Oh yeah i remember those thoughts about what if i want to drink, i think ill just see how this goes and not tell anyone it is anonymous after all...i went to a couple of meetings years before i finally did the steps of AA, in hindsight i think i kind of knew that this would be the end of that life for me and was scared...but...whatever happens the very best thing i could have done would have been to keep going to meetings and following their suggestions, i don't think i would have liked to do that 8 years ago but i do believe that some of it would have sunk in and with the right person coming into my life at one of the meetings i might have got sober a lot earlier...who knows...keep going:-)

Want to hear a good one, in 2002 my brother came to spain to visit me, i had told him i was going to AA, been to about 3 meetings i guess, a couple of his friends came down and they were all going to Puerto Banus for a night out...i managed to 'convince' him that AA had told me that it was ok to drink as long as it was a special occasion, he kept taking the drinks i ordered until finally he gave in and i was off again....for another few years!!!!!!!!!!! How screwed up is our thinking when we are active...hope you get it and good luck!
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Old 03-24-2010, 09:30 PM
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This really can be the time for you to find
a healthier sober future ....

Congratulations....
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Old 03-24-2010, 11:15 PM
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Congrats, I did the same thing yesterday. I know exactly what you felt and what you're feeling. Keep going, and I will too!

easy does it!
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Old 03-25-2010, 12:06 AM
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Originally Posted by helluvacook View Post
My thoughts are along the lines of: "What if I still want to drink sometimes, what if I change my mind, what if i tell my family and friends I quit and then I unquit, etc.....

But I'm really proud that I went to my first meeting, and that I have one day sober. I still can't believe I waltzed right in there!
Hi

All those thoughts are normal. Keep going back to those meetings and listen to people who tell you what it is like to be sober and living a happy, joyous and free life - free from the obsession to drink. When you are ready, ask them to show you how they did it.

In the meantime, enjoy the meetings and the company of the other women.
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Old 03-25-2010, 04:28 AM
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I haven't had too many problems with meetings, and the ones I had problems with, I just didn't go back. But there were/are so many good meetings out there full of good kind understanding people. It's nice to be around people who understand what you're going thru.

Congrats on your first day sober. It's a great start to a better life.:ghug3
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Old 03-25-2010, 04:55 AM
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helluvacook once you have found the fortitude to go to your first meeting the rest get easier & easier, I eventually looked forward to going to meetings & still do. It is the one hour to hour & a half that I feel safe & comfortable during that day being around people who understand me & some of my crazy thoughts, because they have them as well!!! LOL

"What if I still want to drink sometimes
When I first got in the rooms I learned that the truth about me was that it was normal for me to think that, but in being honest with myself there was no such thing as Martin having ONE drink................ unless you call a bottle one drink! I have found life far easier not drinking at all then taking that gamble that I took & always lost trying to convince myself "I will be happy to just have one or 2 tonight." The rare times I did only have one or 2 I was never happy.............. I WANTED MORE!!!

what if I change my mind, what if i tell my family and friends I quit and then I unquit,
If you do it will be your decision & no one elses, no one I know of has had some one pin them down & force a drink down thier throat. If you changed your mind you would not be the first person to do so, nor the last.

I went to my first AA meeting drunk, left drunk, kept on drinking another 5 years before my second meeting. I was just as welcome at my first one drunk as I was at my second one with a few hours short of 24 hours since my last drink. I have not had a drop since.

No matter what always remember that you never have to be alone again!
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Old 03-25-2010, 09:51 AM
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Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad I'm sober. It felt good to wake up sober today. You know that feeling when you first start to stir awake....and you say "oh no, what did I do last night, is my husband mad at me...etc" What a relief to realize that I did not drink last night and my conscience is clean for today.

The night before last, (and the last time I drank) I had a terrible dream. In my dream I was driving my car and it was out of control and I couldn't slow down. I was hitting other cars and causing accidents left and right. My son was in the car with me as well! When I was finally able to pull over, I got my son out of the car and he was safe, and sound asleep. The fire trucks and ambulances were all there. Some of the medics were vomiting because people were hurt so badly because of what I had done. I was saying "It's all my fault, my car was out of control!" I was holding my son so tightly and feeling so ashamed. I couldn't believe all the carnage I had caused.

That was a re-occurring dream I have about my car going our of control, but the first time it ended in tragedy.

Pretty significant, huh?

edited to add that I am never drunk or drinking in these dreams.
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Old 03-25-2010, 10:15 AM
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Now that is one heck of a dream!!!

I have had some where the brakes failed on my car, but I awoke in a panic before I had destroyed fellow motorist. Just to prepare you, if you are anything like I and most others are, the drinking dreams will come & they do freak one out, I have woke up from them sweating, hating myself, in a panic.......... luckily they come less & less often the longer I have been sober.

BTW these dreams just seem to happen, they are really nothing to worry about, even though they can be very disturbing.
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Old 03-25-2010, 11:28 AM
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Good for you for seeking support and I'm glad you're feeling better!
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Old 03-25-2010, 12:34 PM
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Old 03-25-2010, 11:42 PM
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Helluva -
Good for you that you went and got through that meeting. And don't worry about the thoughts...they're just thoughts after all. Sometimes I think about quitting my job and going to a tropical location to just braid hair on the beach for money - but I never do it. See...? It's ok to have thoughts. It's what you do that counts!
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