Old 03-24-2010, 06:55 PM
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Angry Seriously?

Today is my 9th day. Tonight my husband came home and asked me if I was going to see him play this weekend. (I talked about this in another thread..He's in a band and is playing back home this weekend..and a real challenge for me)..Anyway, I said yes...But he noticed I wasn't too thrilled about it and asked why and I told him its because I won't be drinking so I'm afraid the night is going to be really long...From that point this is how the conversation went.

"What do you mean you're not going to drink?"
"I'm not drinking. You know I quit."
"YOU are going to spend the weekend with YOUR family and not drink?"
"Why do that to yourself. You're not an alcoholic. You always put too much pressure on yourself, grab on to something and blow it out of porportion."

So I looked him in the eyes and said, "I don't know if I'm an alcoholic, but I do know that I have been using alcohol to cope with depression, that isn't right. I need to stop."

Then my son came up and asked him to play he went and that is the last we will speak of it because he is afraid to talk about it. When I stopped before he didn't talk about it either. The thing is he wasn't around when I drank the most. He always saw me with one after work and not the two or three others I had before he got home...drinking fast because I knew he would be home at certain time...hearing him at the door and quickly filling my glass so it appeared like I had just started...Letting him take the kids for their bath and quietly pouring another drink...trying to hide it from my daughter who watches everything I do real closely..

Okay, I think I just convinced myself to keep going. I was starting to waiver when he said I over do things...cause I do...The OCD kicks in..haha..BUT I just reminded myself why I'm doing it....It would be so easy to go on Saturday and drink..I'm getting Facebook messages galore about people wanting to buy me drinks.."can't wait to get together and party!"...I'm upset that I'm going to disappoint them, but I have to selfish damn it!!
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:02 PM
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I'm upset that I'm going to disappoint them

Do'nt worry about disappointing THEM, just don't disappoint YOURSELF. This is, after all, YOUR recovery. :ghug3

They can have their own recovery if they want to or not, just don't let their attitudes damage yours.
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:02 PM
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fess up 100% with hubby,

and just dont go.

if you drink, you will be a disappointment to yourself

good wishes char

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Old 03-24-2010, 07:20 PM
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Charlotte, that line you got back from your husband is similar to what I heard from friends a while back in a smaller party setting. I was patient with it on site, but was later furious about it. I am still working out how I would handle future installments of a similar nature.

It means a lot to you not to be drinking. Impress upon your husband that he can benefit from having a sober spectator/wife, if you think it will do any good.

I normally don't suggest lying (since recovery has to do with honesty), but if you think it is necessary to avoid mayhem and drama, it may not be such a rotten thing to do. You could make it all about your health as an initial way of bringing it up in a group setting. I assume it would not be in the cards to say the fuller reasons for quitting.

In the long run, I can certainly relate to the importance of hanging on to your sobriety, so do what you think it takes to keep a good thing going!
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:30 PM
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I think that, above all, you have to focus on your recovery.

If you think that your husband will support you, then tell him the truth. Recovery is about living an honest life.

Hang in there and you can get through this!
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Old 03-24-2010, 08:17 PM
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Hey Charlotte

I've always had a tendency to overreaction and OCD too - I used that rationalisation to drink maybe 10 years after I realised I didn't drink like 'normal' people, and that I had a problem.

Normal people don't always get drunk, they don't drink alone habitually, and they don't prefer drinking alone. They don't need a drink to wake up in the morning or go to bed at night. They don't blow off or fudge their responsibilities to make more opportunities for drinking or post drinking recovery. Normal people don't make themselves drink until they're sick...and then drink more.

They don't take 3 days to recover from a drinking binge and then think - 'hey it only took 3 days...I must not have that big a problem'...and go and start drinking all over.

I could go on, but if any of that rings any bells, Charlotte, you're not overreacting - but you already know that

I hope your husband comes around, but regardless of that, you have us

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Old 03-25-2010, 05:42 AM
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Hi Charlotte,
my husband knew and knows I'm an alcoholic, yet he, as a non alcoholic, still has a hard time accepting the changes it brings. Maybe your husband is scared too. You will be different not drinking and that will take getting used to. If you can and this was my approach, tell your friends, make a face book announcement that you don't drink anymore and for them to respect that decision. Give reasons you and you alone are comfortable with. True friends will stick with you. Of course you may choose not to tell anyone but your husband; however I agree with Anna and recovery being an honest life.
It's so nice not having to hide anything and everything anymore. You will be so much happier. Oh and personally, I wouldn't have gone to any event so early in recovery. I would have been too tempted. Please let us know what you decide and good luck.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:55 AM
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it's really early in your sobriety....are you strong enough to be in a setting where Alcohol is a prominent fixture? I don't think i could do that yet (i'm on day #38)...your husband's remarks may make it all the harder to stick to your resolve....perhaps he is not used to the newness of you not drinking...maybe in a few weeks he'll view it differently.

if it were me, i would be "cowardly" and invent an illness to protect myself....because I would be so nervous about caving in and blowing my sobriety....(but i've been obsessing about easter dinner with my family where wine is served with dinner for the last 2 weeks) of luck with your decision.
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Old 03-25-2010, 07:52 AM
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Some good advice so far, this stuck out to me & bears repeating:

I'm upset that I'm going to disappoint them
In the long run you are the only one that looks at yourself in the mirro in the morning not them, some how I doubt very seriously if they are going to be dissapointed by you not drinking unless of course you are thier entertainment when you drink.

If you do think of taking a drink ask your self this question:

"Have I ever woke up in the morning sober and had a regret or worry about not getting drunk the night before?"

BTW I avoided any thing that may have tempted me to have a drink in early sobriety, however once I was more then half way through the steps the obsession to drink was lifted from me, I go any place I wish to go today as long as I am spiritually fit at the time I have no fear of taking that first drink, I can honestly not think of one single benefit a drink would give me today that would out weigh the joys I have found staying sober.
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Old 03-25-2010, 08:00 AM
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After his little attitude, I would NOT go see him play this weekend.

No way, no how...

First for myself, then to send him a message that you do not reward such a lack of support FROM him with support OF him. I'm sure there will be plenty of gigs in the future, now is YOUR time.
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:07 PM
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I know my husband loves me....he supports me but me not drinking is hard for him, he is not an alcoholic , he loves a beer but he can stop i cant...... so early on do i want him to drink infront of me....NO WAY!! I think it must be really hard to love an alcoholic.... or is it me who finds it hard to love myself.....

Talk to him tell him how you feel....
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