New...Scared...
 

Hi ~ I am new to this site. Browsed for a few days then joined today. I know I need help and have needed it for some time. The last time I drank was on Monday night (3/22). I drove past a local AA meeting place twice last night. Just couldn't go in. I saw people standing outside smoking and was immediatley embarassed to walk past them. I do wish I had someone to go with however nobody "knows" that I am an alcoholic. I am a closet drinker and have been for quite a few years now. I Drink 1-2 bottles of wine about 4-5 nights a week then hide the empties in my trunk and throw them away at work. Ridiculous, I know. I have a great life, amazing friends, wonderful job and have no idea why I continue with this cycle. I feel down on myself everyday after I drink which makes me want to drink all over again that night to forget the pain of the whole cycle. I have gone a week here and there without drinking at all but after I start feeling really good I want to "celebrate" again and then the cycle continues =( Is there a way to get a sponsor without having to go to the meetings just yet anyway? Posting this is a big step for me. I have admitted to myself many times that I have a problem but seeing it in writing makes it more "official" somehow. I am really scared but really excited to begin this new chapter in my life. I know what I am capable of in this lifetime and have put many dreams on hold due to this addicition. It frustrates me so much that I know what the problem is and I know what will make my life soooo much better yet I always revert back to the same thing. I'm tired of lying to my family and friends. Just plainly sick and tired =(

Hi BrighterDay

Welcome

I've been where you are and it's not fun. I hope something you read or talk about here might help you to find your way, just like I've found mine :)

I'm not an AA member but I think the only way you're going to find a useful sponsor is hit a meeting.

What have you got to lose, but your current way of living? :)

D

Hi and Welcome,

Oh yes, the endless cycle of drinking, feeling miserable about what I'd done, and then drinking again. I felt like I would never get out of it. But, I did and you can too. I'm not an AA person, but I think you need to go to a meeting and talk to people in order to get a sponsor. Please know that you can do this. Take the leap of faith and get out of the cycle.

I'm glad you found us.

I have a sponsor but don't go to many meetings. I used to but just don't much anymore. I like the people in my home group a lot and they have always been supportive and caring, and are always glad to see me when I show up.

I would just suggest being really brave and calling the AA hotline in your area. Perhaps they could send some AA people of the same gender as you to take you to your first meeting. That way you wouldn't have to walk in all by yourself. AA should be in the phone book, or you can google it for your town/city and call the number that comes up. I've always found them to be good people, ready to help the newcomer.

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you joined the family. :grouphug:

I was in a similar situation as you just one week ago. I went to my first meeting by myself. I was nervous to walk up to the building were people had started to congretate outside. That nervousness soon faded. I was greated very warmly and made to feel much appreciated for being there. They even scraped the planned topic for the meeting and instead did a "newcomers" meeting for my benefit. I left feeling the best I had in some time. I've been back and will keep going back.

Hey and Welcome-
I am no expert on this- by any stretch. But my experience with AA meetings has always been good. Just know that you don't have to say anything at all. Its really not a pressure experience. If it comes a turn or something to speak (which is unusual) just say 'I would like to pass'. Thats what I did the first few times then wanted to talk a little afer a few meetings...there are a lot of groups so if your first one doesnt work out try another?? I am not promoting anything- but AA is good IMO from my experience.
Great job on the 3-4 days- thats amazing, I am working to get to that point, not far off.
Dub

Welcome!!
I just joined on Monday and I have the same feelings as you do about going to the meetings solo. My last drink was saturday and it was a bad situation. I was with a group of my buddies and walking back to the hotel I kept falling. At this point I realized I needed a change. When I got home Monday I started researching and I found this site. I figured it would be a start. I havent drank, but I have had craving. There are a lot of good people on this site that you can talk to too. Glad you joined the site and just know there are people here you can talk to.

Welcome to SR, you took a huge step posting on here, It is scary. My story is similar to yours,, I have a great life, 2 great kids, a beutiful home a sucessfull buisness. But drinking has always been a huge part of my life. My husband also drinks, but doesnt ahve aproblem, we used to drink a few beers everynight to unwind. After a while the beer wasnt enough for me, I started buying bottles of vodka and hide them. I would stay up late and drink. He didnt know until I told him last weekend. I feltl like a huge weight was lifted, I didnt have to hide anymore. He was very supportive and doesnt want alchohol in the house anymore. I also went to my Dr and told him everything. He is helping me with the withdrawal and gave me some meds to reduce cravings.
The best thing you can do is be honest with yourself and your loved ones. I dont have a sponsor, but I have the best Pastor in the world who is very supportive and I can call her anytime. Good Luck

Welcome!

I was scared of AA meetings for years! I would pop into one every several years and think wow i dont like that at all, they're not like me...lucky really because there is no way i could have gone to AA, follow their suggestions and continued to drink...would've killed my drinking career much earlier than last year if i had gone years ago...

AA is full of people like you, who wanted to get sober and were willing to go to any length to do so...you will be welcomed there and feel at home once you get into it, kinda like joining and new club...the stigma BS is all you, and was me, it's just another excuse i'm afraid but an excellent one to keep drinking;-)

For me i had to try every other way to get sober, lose everyone out of my life, end up broke and wanting to die at 38 (Note i learned, most don't go to this extreme they manage to keep on going to a ripe old age and die after a miserable and tortured existence of always trying to stop drinking, i was very lucky!)...then i thought ok ive had enough ill go to AA because i knew it would work...in hindsight...last place i wanted to be when i was active and whilst i still had any trappings of a 'normal' life was AA...

I suggest you make an anonymous phone call to one of the numbers listed in your area for AA and ask if someone will meet you for a coffee near to the meeting if you are that scared of going to the meetings...there is a 12 step forum on here if you want to ask for more info about meetings, you could start a thread and hear how other people did it:-)

Life's a trip, huh?!

Thanks everyone for your encouragment. I don't feel alone anymore. I have had too many nights where I don't remember everything that happened. I can't take anymore! I just turned 30 the end of last year. I kept thinking it was too late for me to change and have all the things I wanted like my dear friends have. I think that was a big part of the problem. Meaning, I need to change my path to get what I want instead of worrying about what everyone else has. I have hope and I know that nothing will change in my life unless I change. I will make it to a meeting eventually but I am hoping this site and all of the wonderful people here will get me by until I get to that point. I stumbled upon this site for a reason :)

:wave:
why not ask one of your friends to go with you
to a meeting? That's how I got to my first one.

Welcome to our recovery community

Brighter, I like the idea of celebrating by not having to lug the bottles to work to throw them away. That sounds like one manifestation of freedom right there. I understand the scary part of the freedom too. I'm happy that you sound like you are on to something good! If you don't feel the nerve to hit the AA meeting immediately, don't be down on yourself. You might change your mind as you go. We will talk with you too.