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Why do I keep doing this?

Old 03-22-2010, 04:58 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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A social drinker doesn't like the affects of alcohol
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:00 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NewBeginning010 View Post
Your welcome KS. I forgot to mention that I have been trying to control my drinking for years and then trying to quit drinking for the last year on my own & couldn't do it.

I consider myself a strong person & have overcome some huge obstacles in my life in the past but quitting drinking beat me into the ground actually it got much worse because of the shame/hopelessness of not being able to quit. Its a scary ride, please don't get on it.

I wish you all of the best in whatever path you choose. Any program that involves meeting others face to face that have been through this hell is best.

I have beat two drug addictions in my life, and niether was as hard for me as quitting drinking. You know something has a hold on you when cocaine and meth were easier to stop.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Killswitch View Post
I have beat two drug addictions in my life, and niether was as hard for me as quitting drinking. You know something has a hold on you when cocaine and meth were easier to stop.
some would call that substituting one for another,.........I consider myself cross addicted,......booze always led me to the others.

Admitting I was an alcoholic I learned something really cool.

There was a treatment.
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Old 03-23-2010, 04:04 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Dear Kill switch,
Your drinking pattern sounds similar to mine, tell myself after period of abstinence can drink normally, can manage to keep lid on it for week or so, then BANG a binge of all binges,sick+++ and remorseful+++.
Get all the help you can to give up NOW as blackouts are not a good sign, withdrawals only get worse,so do cravings and have read that this style of drinking is more harmful to our mind and bodies.
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Old 03-23-2010, 06:27 AM
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Hi Killswitch, and Welcome,

The drinking patterns you described sound very familiar- and what I experienced was that it tends to escalate over time. Wanting to stop and not being able to is a strong indicator for alcoholism. It doesn't really matter if you are a "problem drinker" or an alcoholic, it is causing you problems, yet you have a hard time to not drink. It is pretty likely that it is not just a willpower or discipline issue. I tried it for nearly two years to stop my drinking binges before I realized that I was an alcoholic and had to give up the idea that I could go back to social drinking and that it wasn't "that bad".

What if one day you are drunk and decide in that state that it isn't a big deal to use drugs again? If being inebriated does make you do things you wouldn't do normally, it's not a far shot that you are putting yourself at risk.

For me, willpower alone didn't work on the long run. Often, alcoholism is not a stand-alone problem. I managed to quit for some time on my own, after I was so emotionally drained and depressed that I knew I couldn't go on like that. But in the process, I realized that there were also some issues that I was numbing out with alcohol. And I didn't even look out for them, once I got sober they popped up again all by themselves and I had to adress them in the order they presented themselves to me.

Staying sober was something I couldn't do without others, I started reaching out on these forums, I started to reah out for ftf support in real life. I started to go to meetings that have a secular approach on alcoholism, but that said, many people get help in 12-step meetings and are are not über religious, so that doesn't need to deter you. I also started to look into cognitive behavioural therapy to work on some issues that fueled my drinking and depression. What I am trying to say is that it is more likely to succeed with support.
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Old 03-23-2010, 06:36 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Alcohol always tricks you into believing you can handle it but the after effects of a binge are proof you cannot.
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:07 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Killswitch View Post
Rinse and repeat.
Originally Posted by AA BB, 1st Ed.
After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
If this sounds like you, Killswitch, you may require that psychic change in order to recover. I know that nothing else (doctors, drugs, counselors, therapists, outpatient treatment, inpatient rehab, etc.) worked for me. The people in AA showed me how to have that entire psychic change. I did what they showed me how to do, and I recovered from that hopeless cycle.
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:22 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. " -Benjamin Franklin
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:22 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Killswitch I total am with ya..I do drink alot more than you but I feel exactly the way you do and act like a A** when I am drunk....
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Old 03-23-2010, 03:00 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Thank you again for all of your words of advice. Really some great stuff here, and for the first time I feel like I can talk to others that understand what I'm feeling, and what I am going through. My fiance' understands as much as a person can who doesn't suffer from this problem. My friends don't see that I have a problem because they would have to admit that they have a problem to see that.

I am sober today. I am going to remain sober today, and I will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Feels good to be back on the right path. Now it is just a matter of staying with it, and getting through the times that I feel weak, and want to have a drink.
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Old 03-23-2010, 03:08 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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...welcome Killswitch, I have no words of wisdom (yet) but I will tell you that I was inspired and motivated a great deal by the lyrics and powerful music of Killswitch Engage...Hope Is... (as well as Metallica) in the months leading up to my decision to quit drugs & alcohol. You have found a good place, and I hope you will keep posting, learn as much as you can, and find the sobriety you deserve.

Breathe Life
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Old 03-23-2010, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by getr345 View Post
...welcome Killswitch, I have no words of wisdom (yet) but I will tell you that I was inspired and motivated a great deal by the lyrics of Killswitch Engage (as well as Metallica) in the months leading up to my decision to quit drugs & alcohol. You have found a good place, and I hope you will keep posting, learn as much as you can, and find the sobriety you deserve.

Breathe Life
Killswitch Engage is a massive inspiration in my life. You may recognize the lyrics in my signature. They are from the song Unbroken off of the Daylight Dies album.

I believe Howard Jones (singer) lives a straight edge lifestyle, and being one of my heros that is a great inspiration to me.
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Old 03-23-2010, 03:34 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Yes of course I recognize the lyrics, great song, more than a few times it has filled me with inspiration and sent chills through my body as I listened to it. Music was and is a very powerful tool in my recovery toolbox, I was highly inspired by James Hetfield's recovery and his incredibly powerful lyrical expression on Death Magnetic, the new Metallica record. I think you are right about Howard that he does not drink or drug but I have read that he may have some other issues relative to sexual addiction and/or infidelity I hope that's not true (and if it is that he gets help) but his recent lyrics do seem to be an expression of these themes, My Curse, My Obsession, etc..

Anyway, I wish you well and I will be following your posts closely.

If you are truly serious about getting sober and staying sober...be prepared for EVERYTHING to change. Be prepared to really seriously grow up and find the real YOU, and be prepared for the greatest journey you will ever go on. Rock on!



Let the strength of your words
Be the spark that ignites the flame
Proclaim your freedom
Give voice to your liberation
This is my confession

Mark these words, we will rise
Weep no more, we will prevail
Grieve no more, we will prevail

Revoke the needless way of affliction
Revoke and abandon
We are the authors, finishers of our faith
We are the solution

This is our moment
Will you stand with me?
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Old 03-23-2010, 03:40 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by getr345 View Post
Yes of course I recognize the lyrics, great song, more than a few times it has filled me with inspiration and sent chills through my body as I listened to it. Music was and is a very powerful tool in my recovery toolbox, I was highly inspired by James Hetfield's recovery and his incredibly powerful lyrical expression on Death Magnetic, the new Metallica record. I think you are right about Howard that he does not drink or drug but I have read that he may have some other issues relative to sexual addiction and/or infidelity I hope that's not true (and if it is that he gets help) but his recent lyrics do seem to be an expression of these themes, My Curse, My Obsession, etc..

Anyway, I wish you well and I will be following your posts closely.

If you are truly serious about getting sober and staying sober...be prepared for EVERYTHING to change. Be prepared to really seriously grow up and find the real YOU, and be prepared for the greatest journey you will ever go on. Rock on!



Let the strength of your words
Be the spark that ignites the flame
Proclaim your freedom
Give voice to your liberation
This is my confession

Mark these words, we will rise
Weep no more, we will prevail
Grieve no more, we will prevail

Revoke the needless way of affliction
Revoke and abandon
We are the authors, finishers of our faith
We are the solution
I feel stronger just to read your words. And those lyrics give me chills. Today I feel more determined than ever to beat this. I am strong, and I can do this, but I really have to make a commitment to myself. I have to remain strong and steadfast in my ways, and beliefs, and continue fighting to make it through each day.

Temptation is always around every turn, and weakness follows right behind I just have to be prepared to deal with whatever may rise.
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