Kate

You sound like me!! "Why me, why me" Its something that no one really knows. It just is. Now its time to decide to do with the realisation. You sound like a pretty smart person.. I think you know the answer :)

I now look at my alcoholism differently. Rather than a negative thing I view it as a positive. ie- my life has taken a direction that it would never have taken and without my alcoholism then I wouldn't have experienced everything that I've experienced and also wouldn't be the person that I am today.

However when I was 17 then I didn't even consider I had a problem. I got sober at 23 which is still considered young. That's not to say that you can't get sober at 17. But you're going to have to really want it and have reached some sort of rock bottom, whether materially or emotionally or psycholgically. Just my opinion as I know what it took for me to truly want to get sober.

It's especially difficult the younger you are in many ways as you need to be 100% sure that you're on the right path ie- sober path. Because people, places and things have to all be totally changed and that means cutting out partiers and parties to be honest. Dedicating your whole life to recovery. A difficult thing to accept when you're young. But if you're an alkie or an addict then eventually the party will be always for one... Yourself and it will last days and days and destroy lots and lots. You will be even lonlier at the end than at the start. The only solution another party for one.

All The Best

Asking why me is understandable Kate, but it really doesn't get us anywhere. It just is.

I hope someday soon you can get up the courage to tell your folks everything because keeping secrets like that is one sure way to keep you in the hole - I spent 20 years lying about my drinking - it just makes it that much harder to do anything about it.

D

I don't mnow how to atop I am sdriunmk right moW an I know it is abad burt I cannoot atop,.I liove Alcohol, the way it feels is amaZzzingf jughh immature go pass out noone care about me any ways peave ssinf you live thids feelsng

There's a lot of good advice in this thread - people do care about you and what happens.
I really hope you decide to do something sooner rather than later.

D

Mek....I am sorry to see that you are still drinking and I wish you well. Only you can make the choice to stop and get into recovery. At your young age....well your drinking will continue on a long, progressive, and destructive path if you do not find the strength. It is there and I know you can do this but only when you stop can you begin to heal and live the life you want.

Stay strong my friend and I hope you find peace. From reading all of the responses...including mine back in April....well yeah.....we do care about you.

Huggs.

Wow I am very embaressed I wrote on this last night. I'm sorry.

I have been realizing more the differences between my drinking and my friends drinking. I drink heavily with the goal to get very drunk whereas with my friends it is a social thing, although they get drunk too. Take last night for example, the party was low on beer, so I took 2 and stashed them, just in case we ran out, so I could still get drunk on my own. The other difference is that when we make plans to party or drink and they don't work out, I get really mad. Not visibly but I burn up inside just because I always want to so bad. I have also caught myself at time when I am either angry, sad or upset about something, thinking about getting drunk. It's almost like a relief to me. If I'm angry at my parents, I'll go get drunk that night (without them finding out) and it makes me feel better. Same with when I'm sad, you don't think about those emotions when you drunk, it kinda just wipes that all away.

I don't know if this sounds like a problem to you guys, but the reason I haven't stopped is because I have not totally convinced myself that I do have a problem. Sometimes I think I do, but other times I feel like I am just overthinking it. I really appreciate you guys. It's nice to know someone cares, even if you're ****** up.

*** even if I'm ****** up

Hi again Kate.. I'm just curious (honestly), what part of how you're drinking makes you think you don't have a problem?

You will quit when you're ready and no sooner. Sound obvious but it's the reality.

You sound like you run the risk of developing serious problems with your drinking. By that I mean that your whole life will be taken over by, and then destroyed by, alcohol. Good ole King Alcohol.

It makes you feel better when you're sad and higher when you're happy. Infact life becomes mundane and boring unless your getting drunk. When you're not drunk then you're planning getting drunk.

I can relate to your drinking and your mindset. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict too. I Loved getting wasted way too much and how was I gonna give my best friend up? Only when I was ready and I could see clearly that my best friend had become my worst enemy and was destroying me and my family.

AA, SR and totally and utterly accpeting myself as an alkie and total change of people, places and things and a fundamental 'mind' change keeps me sober.

I want to stay sober more than I want to get f*cked up. But that only came when it came. I had to burn the candle at both ends well and truly untill I reached that point. I lost enough that I could see I had to get out whilst I still could. Is it possible to get and stay sober before you reach that point? I dunno but maybe you can prove that it is?

Kate I read all your posts and I think you have a problem - but I'm not the one who needs to judge that, y'know?

Like Neo said, I had to burn the candle at both ends too before I grew wise - I lost health, I lost self respect, I lost careers, I lost a lot of friends and people I loved, and I lost the best part of 20 years....damn, some people even lose their lives before they figure this out....

I wish you a far easier and shorter journey than mine, Kate.
D

Well it's because it's not like I'm the only one, I'm not some lonely kid that sits in the corner by themselves all day and gets drunk. I go out a lot and go to a lot of parties, where there's plenty of kids doing the same thing as me. So how could I have a problem and they don't? The likelyhood of 30 kids at the same party all growing up to be alcoholics is pretty small. For example, I got out of school on Monday and my friends and I have gotten drunk every night since ( so like 5 or 6 nights in a row), which is a lot I admit. But does that mean we are all alcoholics or have a problem? I don't know.

Plus it's like every other aspect of my life continues to be normal. My family, my school, my sports and everythng else continues the same whether or not I go drunk that weekend or whatever. It's hard to change when what you're doing isn't affecting you whatsoever in real life. I know it could be a problem which is why I'm here. But those reasons are what's making me second guessing myself and keeping me from changing. Idk if that makes sense or not, but that's what's in my mind right now.

Like the others have said, you're the only one that can make a decision about whether you want/need to stop or not. I think at your age alcohol can have a very detrimental effect on your physical health, especially your brain (look in up on the web).

You said: That is the definition of addiction. I hope that you don't wait until you've suffered some real consequences to get some help. It's up to you. We're here though, if you want support!:ring

Wanna bet on many of the 30 having problems later in life.Trust me Kate, it was not until after I put it all down that I realized how many people actually do have a major problem drinking and I am 34 and STOKED to have this chance so early on in my life.

There are Threads: 117,644, Posts: 1,807,361, Members: 67,834 on this site alone who have admitted they have problems. How many people out there are thinking their drinking is no problem, when in fact it is...

At your age I was never drinking every single night. and I am sitting here now admitting I have a big problem with booze and weed.

My life was completely normal on the outside and all of my family and friends are shocked that I put it all down saying over and over "problem? what problem, you seem perfectly fine to me.

Kate, your very young to be thinking about this problem and I am sure all of us here would LOVE to be where you are. If we could all go back and smack ourselves up side the head and say "Hey dumb ***#, your gonna kill yourself and ruin whatever future you have"

You are getting some serious 20/20 hindsight here early in life trust me... Take this chance while you still can.

Cheers :)

Like I say you'll be done when you're done. I'm not sure how old you are but I think you're about 17 or something. Writing on this recovery forum for alcoholics and addicts means that you suspect that you're drinking is different to most. Your relationship to booze is likely different.

You have to reach the stage where you see the light so to speak. I was in a similar 'place' of questioning my drinking for a good few years before i reached the point where I was done. I lost my driving license, University, Job, mental health, self-esteem, friends and nearly my home. I could have easily lost my life during that time too. I am very lucky that I got away with things and my body was able to tolerate what I put my heart through at times. It really scared me on occassions where I was worried I would die but obviously was street-wise enough to hold it together without ringing ambulances etc and making a real show. It's russian roulette that you play but i wouldn't have had it any other way.

It is a natural journey. I partied hard with some real mash-heads but I knew deep-down, and they knew too, that my drinking and my relationship to the drug was slightly different to theirs. My drinking progressed to 24/7 drinking over binges of 2/3 days. I dropped out of life. Drinking was my medicine and my lifeblood. Drugs were too. I lived for the party but the parties were usually one man parties.

Drinking F*cks many peoples lives up without them even being alcoholics. However for an alcoholic it will kill you and destroy everything. Many alcoholics never get sober and see the light so to speak. I am very grateful for getting to the stage where I was ready and could see my life ending up in the gutter, quite literally.

I don't regret my drinking and drugging though and I don't blame anyone or anything anymore. I accepted that I was the problem and was willing to change. But only when I was truly ready and willing. No consequences directly made me get sober but the fact I was just beaten by booze.

I had some incredible times whils't drinking and drugging with my friends and best pals. I expereinced some truly amazing and life-changing profound experiences at holidays, music festivals, parties, gatherings, nights out, many nights alone tripping; all of which i would have never experinces without drinking and drugs. However I realised that the 'high-times' were long since over and had to come to an end. It was dark and desolate for a good couple of years as I turned into an obvious alcoholic. Not a good place to be at and I considered killing myself numerous times in my darkest moments. My mental health was screwed and booze was my medicine. It will take over your mind and life if you're an alkie. Those other kids will calm down and grow out of it and settle down and 'play the game'. They will become distant from you as you seek out fellow mash-heads and starting hanging with the low-life. I enjoyed hanging with them but only because they would tolerate my drinking and they were equally as bang into drugs.

I got sober at 23. I'm 24 now.

All The best. Peace and Love x

I agree with this 100%.

Hi Kate,

I didn't seek out a recovery website until I actually thought that I most likely had a problem with alcohol.
I have tried SO many times to slow down, stop alltogether, even not drink for TWO days, and I was just so powerless that I couldn't do it.

I have gone 13 days today without drinking, and I know NOW for certain that I am an alcoholic, and it is not a question of abstaining or slowing down anymore. I will NEVER be able to drink like a non-alcoholic. I will never be able to stop at just one.

I know how hard it is to be surrounded by it, which is why I am trying to avoid all places where I know that alcohol will be like the plague. I feel so much better. I am happier, my soul is lighter, my friends and family can see the difference, and most importantly, I am actually looking forward to my future for the first time in a long time.

I don't remember the majority of my twenties because of drugs and alcohol. I'm 34 now, and that makes me really sad. Don't do that to yourself.

Keep posting. This site has worked wonders for me.

Well I've really outdone myself this time... Tailgated outside of a concert last night, and drank more than I should have on an empty stomach (rookie mistake). As I was walking in to the concert the parametics pulled me away and strapped me down to a f***ing stretcher loaded me into an ambulence and sent me to the hospital. This was a little rediculous considering I wasn't throwing up or anything. I dont really remember how I was behaving but there were people FAR worse than I was... My dad had to come get me from the hospital and now I'm grounded out of my a s s h o l e... The hospital stole $60 out of my wallet... And I just threw up. I don't understand why this had to happen to me...

Over the years I have come to realize I simply don't enjoy living... Life has too many dark sides to it that I always seem to fall into. Why did I have to be put on this earth when all I want to do is leave?

Hi mate. Drinking kept dragging me down lower and lower. I often thought that the world was a dark and corrupt place and that my salvation to this f*cked up world was alcohol and drugs. + music of course but only if I was off my head intoxicated.

I realised that alcohol and drugs ( particularly alcohol) was actually my worst enemy. It was a painful and harsh realisation. I thought it was my best friend for many years. The last few months of my drinking it was my only company on the park bench as I didn't want to drink in pubs because of the bouncers and police around. Easier to drink alone in the park. My thinking was severely warped whils't I was an active alcoholic.

Now I surrendered and see the world and my life so much clearer and realise that I can be happy and enjoy living now. I just have to know that drink and drugs cannot be a part of that life now 'just for today'.

peace

Hi Kate,

I think you know that you cannot live like this forever. Sure you have youth on your side right now but it doesn't last that long at all. You are where I was TEN years ago (Y2K!!!). School, friends, concerts, LOTS of alcohol. Sure you can say things like "you only live once" but does that mean you have to live a short and tortured life?

What happens when the buzz is gone? How about waking up to discover you made an ass out of yourself infront of your friends and family? Feeling lost and having zero energy to sort things out? Drinking does that.

I will bet you all the M&Ms in my house (including the almond ones) that if you put the booze down for a month you will find your thinking to be very different than this... Could even turn positive. Alcohol is toxic to every living tissue it touches - including the brain - so it shouldnt surprise you that a brain can be hungover, puking, and malfuctioning too when its also been drowning in booze.

We care about you. I was exactly where you are 10 years ago but I am OK now. I got to fix everything up. I even contribute to life now instead of allowing life to step on my drunk ass. :)

Mek, I never posted on SR while I was drinking. I was always sober with SR and when I started drinking again (thinking I was "ok") I stopped visiting SR. Point of my saying that is....if anyone had seen what I was like while drinking it was an alternate me. I was gloomy, dark, depressed. I was in this deep hole where everything seemed kinda pointless to me. I hated my job, my marriage, my life as a whole.....but more importantly I couldn't stand me. When I was boozing, I would draw the blinds, hide in my little world and feel no connection with anything around me. It was pretty horrible.

What I will say is that you may not see any change in your life yet because you are young, you are still getting trashed with friends and of course....everyone is like you. I hear that. That is how I justified my early drinking. I was one of a group and there were those who were far worse then me.

When I decided to get sober.....I stopped comparing myself to others but started looking at me. Am I proud of myself when I drink? Do I like this negative person I become? Why can't I have a good time and have just 1 or 2 drinks when out with friends. Why must I drink to excess? Why can't I enjoy life without alcohol?

I was able to answer my questions when I understood and accepted that I am an alcoholic.

I have been where you are and it didn't take me very long to hit rock bottom. Enjoying those parties and gatherings with friends left me open to turning to alcohol when I began hitting rough patches in life and needed something to help me "cope" or "deal."

What I will tell you is that you are here posting so you know that something isn't right. You aren't helpless and you can stop. We are fully supportive of you.

If you don't stop....I can assure you that you will be the last one left at the party. That happened to me and suddenly I was left alone to stare in the mirror.