Stage 2 alcoholic

Old 03-20-2010, 03:29 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Stayinfree's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 241
Stage 2 alcoholic

Okay...what if you know you're an alcohlolic...but you've not yet reached THAT don't want to reach don't want to lose anything....but because you've not lost anything...part of your brain is saying....'you've still got time'...don't worry you're not there yet...And I go to AA meetings and listen to those who HAVE lost everything...BUT I'm not there yet......

I'm a late bloomer....and I know that I WILL get there......but 'I've still got time'................

How do I give it up...............When I've still got time
Stayinfree is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 03:35 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
barb dwyer's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Stayin -

How do you give it up?

You stop.

But are you really asking -

How do you keep doing what you're doing
and not get into the next stage?

It's not possible.

Wait until the first week of july then check into
the WORLD International Convention of AA in San Antonio
ane see how many people
fill that stadium...

you will see just how many of us know
there's no halfway.
There's no cake and eating it too.

barb dwyer is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 03:36 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the midwest
Posts: 99
What do you have time for? To descend further to a deeper bottom? What's deep enough? I can only speak for myself... to the outside, I haven't lost anything, but I feared losing my memory, my cognitive functioning and my intelligence more than anything. I felt my short term memory slipping. Age, yes, by why speed deterioration? It's the addiction talking, the monkey mind.
I guess you still have time, until the day you don't. And then it's too late.
NellieM is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 03:44 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
That is just your alcoholic voice talking to you. It will keep talking to you untill it puts you six foot under.

There are also many alcoholics who don't 'lose it all' before they get sober. Probably many who have lost less than you and yes of course there are many who have lost a whole lot more, but bear in mind that most alcoholics never get sober. So when you finally hit your lowest bottom then the chances are that you'll never be able to come back from it.

For example it could be hitting a child whilst drunk-driving or irreversible liver damage or whatever. The point is that you can't predict or choose your bottom. It might be a case of falling and hitting your head and it kills you. You can't predict it. You can also keep digging lower and lower untill the grave too. "Theres last hits and then theres last hits"

You know you're an alcoholic so i can assure you that any drinking from now on will be utter crap. Just trying to run away from the reality of what you know is the truth. Ask yourself if what your asking is sane? When you stop to think about your questions they are truly insane. Alcoholism is truly insane. You know the score but are looking for excuses to try to continue your alcoholism. Classic.

I could have used the 'I'm only 23 years old' excuse when I got sober and I had to wrestle with my 'recovery' during the tough-times where my disease was trying to look for ways to get me drinking again. But I was totally 100% commited to sobriety.

I reached my lowest bottom after my last and final 3 day binge. My bottom was purely mental/psychological/emotional. I just felt dead inside. Like every bit of life had been knocked out of me. I knew I had to commit to recovery wholeheartedly so that when the 'rationalisations' of my alcoholic mind hit, then i would have the tools to be able to see them for what they were ie- an alcoholics mind trying to think of ways to get it's fix back.

In all honesty you want to get out now whilst you still can. You may not be able to if you keep on drinking. You're an alcoholic. Nuff Said.
NEOMARXIST is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 03:59 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
barb dwyer's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
There's a whole section of stories in the Big Book about exactly what you asked.
barb dwyer is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 04:00 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,297
Neos right...that little voice, if left unchecked, can put you in the ground.
I spent years saying 'I'll stop when I...'
I pretty much saw all my designated signposts flash by me - I kept moving the goalposts.

I nearly died...not figuratively but literally.
I wish I'd have stopped years before.

We speak of that little voice, our addiction, like it's somehow separate from us, but it's not.

It's us - we're in the drivers seat here.

If you want to stop, stop now - put your heart and soul into it.

I can promise you it's not going to get any better if you keep going with drinking, and the years you'll be missing out on by stopping now won't be fun times.

Do you really want to gamble on what or how much you might lose?
thats effectively what I was doing - be smarter than I was, Stayin


Last edited by Dee74; 03-20-2010 at 04:19 PM.
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 04:15 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Anna's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,437
Yes, as Neo said, that's the addict voice talking to you.

The voice is manipulative and relentless.

You are aware that things will get worse unless you stop drinking now, so make the choice to stop and save yourself a lot of pain.
Anna is online now  
Old 03-20-2010, 04:37 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Stayin, I'm not the only person who doesn't know how far he pushed his luck. I was encouraged to stop when I was 30-ish by somebody who said now was probably a good time. I didn't last more than a couple of weeks and then more of the same a couple of years later. I was lucky I stopped recently. I don't know how long I was going to live or how unhappy I would get. That hasn't really changed since I was drinking either.

I really like that you ask the question though. Listen to your self and consider what good you can do for yourself if you work at this now. That would be great.
Toronto68 is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 08:57 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Well me i kept drinking until i did reach a bottom sufficient to make me desperate enough to want to change...if i hadn't tried to control it so much i would have hit that bottom a lot younger!

I've met a few people in AA who hit emotional bottoms and didn't lose much materialistically and you could maybe look for them at your meetings:-)
yeahgr8 is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 09:24 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Zencat's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,844
Originally Posted by Stayinfree
How do I give it up...............When I've still got time
I though I still had some time to freely abuse alcohol (AOD) as I wasn't that too bad off...or so I believed at the time. The problem is I did reach a bottom that would be recognized by any sane person as crippling alcoholism. But me on the other hand felt I had some parting to do...I wasn't there yet.

Unfortunalally for me is, when I did finally relize I 'was there' was almost to late. The dammage has been done...I do the best I can with my drug induced disibility (brain damage) along with PTSD and carry on in my addiction treatment efforts.

I hope you do give up Stayinfree...wile you still have time.
Zencat is online now  
Old 03-20-2010, 09:37 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
NewBeginning010's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Stayinfree View Post
...don't worry you're not there yet...
Please don't wait until you are there before you make a change, its not worth it.

NewBeginning010 is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 11:12 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
intention's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by Stayinfree View Post
..And I go to AA meetings and listen to those who HAVE lost everything...BUT I'm not there yet......

Of course there are plenty in AA who have lost everything but there are also plenty of recovered alcoholics who didn't lose everything. You just don't see them because alcohol doesn't want you to see them.

Alcohol is "cunning, baffling, powerful" and will trick you into always drinking again. This is why in many meetings they say that we should look for similarities in stories rather than differences.

How far do you need to go to hit your rock bottom? Only you can answer that. My memory is not too great but do I remember that you are caring for a young grandchild? (please correct me if I am wrong)

What will it take for you to hit rock bottom....will it be when social knock on the door to take the child into care because you are not capable of providing the right environment for the child to grow up in?

Will it be when your husband leaves? I think I remember you saying he was threatening that.

Or maybe he will still be there and he will be there to call the ambulance when you have had a stroke and he maybe still there when you are lying in the hospital bed paralysed and drooling and he may still be there holding your hand when the social turn up to take your grandchild into care.....Maybe it will be too late then for you.

Step 1 says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable"

There's a very good 12 step forum on this site, why not post over there about how you feel about Step 1. There are plenty of people ready to help you understand what this means.
Take care
intention is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 11:32 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Pinkcuda's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Originally Posted by Stayinfree View Post
And I go to AA meetings and listen to those who HAVE lost everything...BUT I'm not there yet......

Perfect example of Alcoholics killing Alcoholics in AA meetings. You hear the stories all day long in AA about Divorce, Drama, DUI, Job Loss, Jails, Suicide attempts, Ad Infinitum..
This is an absolutley stunning display of ********. You can actually see the steam rising from it.

Then you look at these people and say to yourself
"I can't relate to these people because that hasn't happened to me"
Then you assume you still have some drinking to do so you can be just like the Alcoholics in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Here's the deal.
Your bottom should go exactly as follows.

"I can't drink"
"I can't quit"
"Please help me"

Then there's no drama associated.
People that wait for that drama that they have been told is a "Bottom" sometimes never find it.
Pinkcuda is offline  
Old 03-20-2010, 11:38 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
intention's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by Pinkcuda View Post
Your bottom should go exactly as follows.

"I can't drink"
"I can't quit"
"Please help me"

Well said, Pinkcuda.
intention is offline  
Old 03-21-2010, 01:45 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
humblestudent's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
I don't know one alcoholic that has successfully finally stopped drinking that said they wished they had kept drinking longer. But I've heard many say they wished they had quit sooner.

If you have recognized that you are caught in the alcoholism trap, you're basically playing Russian Roulette with yourself. How can there be any 'enjoyment' or escape in that? Just waiting for the axe to fall?

Let it go now. You don't need to "prove" that it will end badly if you don't. It WILL end badly if you don't. What have you got to lose other than a bunch more hangovers and self-loathing?
humblestudent is offline  
Old 03-21-2010, 03:01 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
littlefish's Avatar
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
This is a really good question. My take on it is that we are all different and have different values. So one else's rock bottom is their experience.
Losing relationships, cars, homes, that is a highly visible and dramatic way to feel you've lost everything and hit bottom.

Hitting bottom can be less dramatic and less highly visible than those kinds of losses, but still devastating.

I stopped painting, after having a series of successful art shows. When I found myself hiding my empty cans of beers behind a group of my paintings that I had stacked up against the wall in a closet, that was a bottom for me.
littlefish is offline  
Old 03-21-2010, 03:09 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
not little, a stranger no more
Lionne's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
You don't need to "prove" that it will end badly if you don't. It WILL end badly if you don't.
I have to agree with many of the things previous posters said. There doesn't need to be a spectacular, exisence shattering bottom to validate quitting drinking. Maybe you can try to let go of this notion of a bottom needing to be "losing everything". Your addiction tries to convince you that as long as it isn't "that bad", maybe you can still try to manage your drinking and maybe you don't need to quit alcohol for good.

At the end, I just wanted to get sober more tham I wanted to continue to drink, I was emotionally drained empty inside and depressed. It was after a binge that could have been any of the ones I was having for over a year at that time. It was just sheer luck that nothing really bad happened before I got sober, because it wasn't even a matter of time I had until I would get "that bad". I was just lucky.No big moment of clarity or epiphany, just me not wanting to live like that any more and being willing to do anything to make it stop.

You don't have to subject yourself to more pain, and I wish you that you can get out of it soon. Reaching a terrible bottom will not make it any easier, it is more likely that it will just get harder to get your life back on track. Be safe, and take care
Lionne is offline  
Old 03-21-2010, 03:35 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I have to agree that for me all of the material things that happened as a result of my drinking had no bearing on me quitting drinking. In actual fact with the kind of alcoholic that I am going "lower" would just be further excuse to continue drinking. I realised this and hence why I stopped. Because I knew that I would never get out of drinking if I went much lower as I wouldn't have had nothing to get out for. I think this is why many never get out as when they weigh things up, drinking seems like the best option as their lives are just totally destroyed anyway. That would have been how I would have been had I continued drinking.

Loss of my driving license for 2 years for drink driving pushed me down lower and my drink/drug binges increased in severity after this happened, Loss of employment pushed me down lower and my drinking increased again. Arrested for possesion of Cocaine: I got out of the cells at 10.00AM Saturday Morning and was drinking by 10:45 and round my mates house dropping E's and then doing Coke under a bridge and round the park when we were smahsed. It wasn't until I sobered up Monday that I realised how I could have easily got done for possesion the very next day after I was done on Friday night.

That would have meant criminal record for possesion of class A ,as well as drink-driving, and I think would have just pushed me down even lower, as I wouldn't have been able to get a job.

I don't think anything material would have stopped me. I knew I was done with drink and drugs after my last binge because I knew I would be dead within 3-5 years as the lows were just way too low. The only solution was more booze. SO I knew I had to get out and commit to sobriety 100%.

Over 8 months later I'm still sober and back in employment, driving again and have future plans nicely in place. I ain't saying this to blow my own trumpet or nothing but just making you aware that there will never be a 'right' time to quit. Your alcoholic voice will always be able to find excuses if you let it. So accept this to be the case and commit to sobriety.
NEOMARXIST is offline  
Old 03-21-2010, 04:47 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
north's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
As others have indicated, I think there are plenty of examples of former drunks on this board and in the AA Big Book who quit drinking even though they hadn't hit rock bottom. I think the term that's often used is a 'high bottom' alcoholic or sometimes 'high functioning' alcoholic.

Of course, one's definition of 'bottom' tends to conveniently change when under the spell of the drink. For example, in my case, I never had a DUI, woke up in a jail cell, faced financial ruin or lost a job as a result of my drinking. However, after I quit drinking, I started thinking that although I had never been fired .... there were probably a few career opportunities in my life that I might have missed due to drinking that I mentally swept under the rug. Other 'markers' I used to proudly hold onto including the time I spent with my family also started deteriorating under post-drinking scrutiny. Sure, I was there - but honestly only half-present with a morning hangover that I was certain no one else noticed. Part of the sobriety process is getting more honest with yourself than you ever were.
north is offline  
Old 03-21-2010, 07:12 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
igottobesober's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 73
That little voice is your warning, I had that feeling almost a year ago. I kept drinking, the voice didnt go away. If you keep drinking, keep you eyes and your mind open, there will be more signs that it is time to stop. For me that voice or feeling was God talking to me. He was telling me enough is enough. I finally stopped ignoring him and finally decided to take it serious, before I did hit bottom. I am on day 8 so I know I am early in battle, but I feel different it this time. Good luck.
igottobesober is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:20 PM.