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Drunk "friend" did the meanest thing to me re: my newfound sobriety

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Drunk "friend" did the meanest thing to me re: my newfound sobriety

Old 03-20-2010, 09:43 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thanks all...Intention, I think my part in this started with me even being there in the first place. But you hit the nail on the head, I think in terms of my contribution to this. I said the shot thing really in order to fit in. To show that I was not so "high and mighty" about drinking that I was looking down my nose at everyone, if that makes sense.

But - after I read your comment, I thought about this more, and realized that my intentions went deeper. I think my anger toward this person and her husband had been growing over the past two months about them giving me crap about me not drinking, and about this woman in particular for, as Fandy put it, making me feel "less" by her rude, invasive and agressive interrogation about not drinking. SO - when the tables were turned, and she hesitated at having that shot, I said to myself, "Oh! Well, then...now it's OK to say no, eh?" Nice double standard. I guess really, if I'm really honest - I wanted to put her on the spot the way she's done to me for the last two months. I'm tired of being her door mat.

Bottom line is, I need to get away from these people for sure. It'll be tough, because we all have boats, and their slip is two away from ours. And I'm not selling the boat. I may move slips, but I am not selling the boat. It's an activity my husband and I love, and have worked very hard to be able to do. If everyone else gets falling down drunk, that's their business. But I'm done with that.
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:45 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Insulated...I totally hear that. But in this case, it was said with so much raw venom, it really threw me for a loop. I don't have a thin skin by any means, and can take all kinds of joking, but this was a serious FU.
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:51 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Humble, I certainly don't blame you for wanting to keep the boat. I am not a boat owner, but I am a little familiar with that club life. Being just a slip or two away is indeed not too far. (Ironic that the word slip is there....don't let it be a slip in a different way!! )

How do you think you will handle it? It's like a neighbor thing, like when somebody puts up a fence and then the other people feel like it is an insult or a rejection of them. Is there any possiblity you can agree together that you should not keep each other's company with alcohol in the picture; or not be in each other's company for a period of time?
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Old 03-20-2010, 11:44 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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you'll be running into these people if you are docked 2 slips away...I'm not saying to let them drive you out, but moving your slip might be advantageous....."out of sight, out of mind".

she's bugging you...I sometimes let people who shouldn't matter bug me too, I obsess and make mountains out of molehills, jump to conclusions, and blow things out of proportion...and if I'm in a vulnerable state (such as new sobriety), I don't want to place unwarranted pressure on myself....but that's me.

venting is good, but try not to let this one incident bother you too much....and concentrate on the good things...I'm sure you look and feel 10X better than this woman who spends the night doing shots.
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Old 03-20-2010, 11:45 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hi Humble, I remember the boat life...when I was drinking it was sooo much fun..everyone drank just as much as me or even more!!! like you now those days just aren't interesting or even tolerable..Just recently when the olympics were on and Canada was going for the gold, my hubby and I went to the bar!!...I couldn't stand the smell of it in there!! thankfully I didn't stay long...but I tell ya no desire for me to ever go there again!! as for your friends, I had a group of friends like that as well, I've just distanced myself from them and really have nothing in common anymore...what I have come to realize is that they were just drinking buddies.....so it's no loss...you really do find out who your true friends are...that's for sure!!
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Old 03-20-2010, 01:51 PM
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I don't want to be around places where drinking is happening. Just because I don't like feeling like some kind of martyr for sobriety. I ain't sober for no other reason than the fact that I'm an alcoholic. So I don't want to cramp anyones style to be honest.

I used to HATE non-drinkers when I was drinking. I used to talk about them like they were Hitler or something! LOL. Boring F*ckers I used to call em, get a f*cking drink down your neck I used to say. I used to seek out the mashheads.

So yer, stay away from drinkers if you want to stay sober otherwise you just feel like a gooseberry who ain't wanted. I wouldn't have wanted a sober person around when i was drinking/drugging. Would have sent me on a proper bad trip! lol.

In fact I would have made off as soon as any of them were around. Pretty much was just left drinking alone as I didn't know anyone else who drank like me other than other alkies. I used to hang in pubs and just get a drink with the alkies.
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Old 03-20-2010, 02:05 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Thanks all...Intention, I think my part in this started with me even being there in the first place. But you hit the nail on the head, I think in terms of my contribution to this. I said the shot thing really in order to fit in. To show that I was not so "high and mighty" about drinking that I was looking down my nose at everyone, if that makes sense.

But - after I read your comment, I thought about this more, and realized that my intentions went deeper. I think my anger toward this person and her husband had been growing over the past two months about them giving me crap about me not drinking, and about this woman in particular for, as Fandy put it, making me feel "less" by her rude, invasive and agressive interrogation about not drinking. SO - when the tables were turned, and she hesitated at having that shot, I said to myself, "Oh! Well, then...now it's OK to say no, eh?" Nice double standard. I guess really, if I'm really honest - I wanted to put her on the spot the way she's done to me for the last two months. I'm tired of being her door mat.

Bottom line is, I need to get away from these people for sure. It'll be tough, because we all have boats, and their slip is two away from ours. And I'm not selling the boat. I may move slips, but I am not selling the boat. It's an activity my husband and I love, and have worked very hard to be able to do. If everyone else gets falling down drunk, that's their business. But I'm done with that.
Humblestudent: you have really done some exellent work here: you admitted that maybe you were baiting her because of that negative behavior she showed towards you a while back. I too, wondered what that comment was: "shot, shot, shot"...it didn't sound quite right to me.

You never know how things will turn out. One of my biggest drinking buddies is now one of my buddies in sobriety. I am not saying that will happen to you, but, it sure sounds like that woman is dealing with lots of thoughts about her own drinking. Your quitting may have been a catalyst, but, she might not be ready and as a result is negative towards you.

Just relax and enjoy your boat, the wonderful water and maybe things will turn out surprising in the future. She may not be your best friend now, but maybe one of these days she'll walk up to you and ask you how you quit.
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Old 03-20-2010, 02:16 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by humblestudent View Post
Thanks all...Intention, I think my part in this started with me even being there in the first place. But you hit the nail on the head, I think in terms of my contribution to this. I said the shot thing really in order to fit in. To show that I was not so "high and mighty" about drinking that I was looking down my nose at everyone, if that makes sense.

But - after I read your comment, I thought about this more, and realized that my intentions went deeper. I think my anger toward this person and her husband had been growing over the past two months about them giving me crap about me not drinking, and about this woman in particular for, as Fandy put it, making me feel "less" by her rude, invasive and agressive interrogation about not drinking.
I thought as much. I am not surprised as your thinking and actions acting upon your thinking a very alcoholic. We alcoholics can be very predictable at times



Bottom line is, I need to get away from these people for sure.
I think that is a wise move.



It'll be tough, because we all have boats, and their slip is two away from ours. And I'm not selling the boat. I may move slips, but I am not selling the boat. It's an activity my husband and I love, and have worked very hard to be able to do. If everyone else gets falling down drunk, that's their business. But I'm done with that.
If you are passionate about this lifestyle, then that is good for you. I would say the more sober time you have the easier it will be to avoid these people.

When you have the desire to fit in, it can be very difficult to break away. You don't have to feel bad about not socialising with them. A way to deal with them is to explain what you are for rather than against - in other words "I need to find new activities which help me to stay sober" (which is about you/your problems) rather than "I cannot spend time with you because you drink" (about her and her problems). You can still be kind and walk away without explaining any more.......which could very well likely lead to another confrontation and most likely another resentment.

Enjoy the boat
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Old 03-20-2010, 02:47 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Bit of a hurry didn't read everyone's replies. I no longer have drunk friends. If, someone I knew from that past with a drinking problem comes to me for a solution, I'll help them out best way I can. Harsh as this may sound, I can't and i won't put myself around people i know that, abuse alcohol. period
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