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I am so tired!

Old 03-16-2010, 07:25 AM
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I am so tired!

I have been struggling with pain killer addiction ever since I was in the hospital for back problems a few years ago. I have tried various injections, nerve blocks, and physical therapy. I have a prescription for oxycontin which I blow through in a week, but I have a hook up for when I run out. I just want my life back, I am so tired of my life revolving around pills and lying to my wife about it. I used the pills to help me deal with life and give me energy to complete household tasks. It started with me using just on Friday nights, then it changed to Friday and Saturday nights, and now I am using daily. It used to be that one 40mg oxycontin got me high, but now it takes ten 40mg oxycontin to get high. I stopped taking them to get rid of my back pain, and now I use them to get high. I love the way the pills make me feel, everything was perfect! I used to drink a lot, and ever since I discovered pills I stopped drinking! I lost so much weight in doing so (used to be 220lbs, I am down to 180lbs). I have no desire to drink anymore, so I guess I am grateful for quitting one vice, but I have now moved on to another vice. When I blow through my prescription, I have a hook up for any pills I want. I took my last oxycontin on Saturday, however I took some vicodins this morning. I also take gabapentin to give me a boost of energy. I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK! I am so grateful that I found this website and see that other people are struggling with the same issues. Thank you!!!!!
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:32 AM
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Hi themerkin, I'm glad you found this site too. You can absolutely beat this and get your life back.

Have you made any phone calls? Been to a meeting?

My suggestion would be to make some phone calls and see what your options are.

I have 2 1/2 years sobriety and NEEDED to get my life back. I feel so much better today and grateful not to be living the way I was before. What I miserable way to live.

Welcome to SR, you'll get tons of support and insight here.
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:40 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I do believe that addiction is progressive and you have found that you need more and more of the drugs to notice any feeling. That becomes very dangerous as I'm sure you know. I hope you talk to your dr about a plan to stop using the drugs, and know that you can learn to deal with life without the pills.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:50 AM
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I take Vikes for my pain have for over a year. My knees are shot and my back. They neither can nor would be in good interest to operate cause of my health, I've been prognoses as non-operational so I have no choice but I have to take as directed. Sometimes we need help but than again we can con ourselves very easily also being addicts.
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:36 AM
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he, merkin. you said it best and it's what this boils down to for me "I WANT MY LIFE BACK". i am on day 3 of opiate w/d and it sucks but i'm really determined this time. this is my first day here and i would love to work with you.
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Old 03-16-2010, 02:03 PM
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Hi TM

As Anna said...things never get better...

I think one of the best things you could do is check out NA...some face to face support could be a great help in turning things around...and lose that hook up. They're doing you no good.

We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested at looking at
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You'll find a lot of support here too - welcome!
D
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