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How I can support my spouse who is returning from rehab?

Old 03-15-2010, 10:54 PM
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How I can support my spouse who is returning from rehab?

I am a newbie here.
My wife is 15 years younger than me and has sought rehab out of state for the past month.
She is returning tomorrow, but just now informed me she will be picked up by her "sponsor" and my wife wants her (my wife) and I to meet with our therapist to discuss issues I should be informed about.
Is this part of the process or her comfort level choice?

Should I post this thread in another forum?

Any help with what I can do to support her and maintain my own "center of being" will help as well.

Thank you,
Jason
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Old 03-15-2010, 11:18 PM
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Hi Jason

Welcome to SR.
I have no personal experience with rehab or AA, but I'm sure other members here have.

You might like to check out our Family and Friends forums too for more experience

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

D
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Old 03-15-2010, 11:27 PM
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Thanks D
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:25 AM
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Hi Jason,

It would probably be a good idea for you to seek out support for yourself at AlAnon and also as Dee said, in the Friends and Families forums on this board.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:05 AM
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When I went to rehab we had a Family Day where spouses and close family visited. Part of it was to see their loved one, but the more important part was to explain to the loved ones how life would be different and help them understand the adjustments that may happen.

For example, recovery is a major comittment in ones life. She will probably spend a lot of time going to meetings, meeting with her sponsor, etc. Oftentimes spouses look at rehab as a place to go to get fixed. That's really not how it works, it is a life long process that can be very difficult for others to understand. She may seem to be a very different person when she comes back and she will need your support, which is not always easy. There is a lot more involved than not drinking or using drugs.

My guess is that they want to meet with you and the theripist to discuss things such as this in a neutral setting. Were she and her sponsor to meet alone with you it is easy to feel ganged up on and like you are being forced into a corner for no reason you understand. My suggestion is to be as flexable as you can, check out the Friends and Family board or perhaps Al-Anon, and live life as we addicts try to. One day at a time. Take care.
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Old 03-16-2010, 12:02 PM
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Thank you all so much for your advice. What Tyler said was pretty much what I had suspected. This first rejoining will be a briefing of what's to come and our family needs to know what to expect.
This is a life changing experience and I understand it is only the beginning of her struggle.
I will be flexible and patient. I don't want to lose her.
I posted this thread on the friends and family board. I just have to find it again.
Take care,
Jason
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Old 03-16-2010, 10:32 PM
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You already seem to have a great attitude about it. Make sure you read the Big Book of AA and be prepared for some real ups and downs. Try to be patient with her and understand that ahe probably now knows where she has wronged you but it may take while for her to be ready to make amends and things like that. Don't forget to tell her love her a lot. Addicts often feel unloved and our insecurities disguised as big EGOs are massive. SR is a great forum for you to get help!
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:58 AM
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Thanks. I have had some experience in ACA, but that was years ago and only went to a few meetings. I just discovered the BB and have it up online to read. I plan to go through this with her if she will let me. I know I am prone to addiction and have kicked tabacco. This is something we both need and it will set a good example for my 12 y/o son (her step-son).
I feel more prepared thanks to all of the help here in the SR forum.
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