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Learning Life's Lessons Despite the fact that I live with myself every minute of my life, sometimes I get a kick from the universe that teaches me something new about myself. Last night was no exception. Last night my friend held a dinner party in my honour for my birthday. I showed up at his house with my tea in hand. We hung out, chatted, waited for the remaining guests to arrive, and I switched to my new favourite drink - ginger ale with a splash of orange juice. I am also happy to announce that when it came time for the toast in my honour, I toasted with ginger ale, while they toasted me with wine. Something did happen, though, that surprised me. My friends like to smoke marijuana. Although I have smoked it on a handful of occasions, it is not something I have really been into. Alcohol is definitely my DOC. I was outside with my friends while they were smoking, and was presented with the offer to partake. I thought to myself, "I'm giving up alcohol, and this isn't alcohol, so what can it hurt? This way, I get a buzz and technically I am still maintaining my goal of not drinking." HUH?!?! I took a step back in my head and tried to rationalize what I was considering. If I took a haul, I would not be gaining anything. I would not have learned anything. The changes I am making would be for nothing. I thought about this site. This site is called "Sober Recovery". It is not called "Substitute One Means of Escape for Another". It was at that moment that the universe opened up and a really big bright light shone upon me. The reason I do what I do is that I am looking for a way to escape even for a few hours. I live a life that is controlled by responsibilities, and the consumption of mind altering substances gives me the opportunity to abandon control. But everything always has a price. What would the price be this time if I took that haul? There was only one way to answer the question. I did the "risk vs reward" calculation in my head. I realized that I did not want to know the answer to the question that badly. I politely said "no thanks". The reward was much greater by saying "no" as I was given a huge wealth of insight into myself. I am an addict. I am not addicted to any particular drug. I am addicted to the escape. I am addicted to the abandonment of self-control. Learning this is a huge milestone for me. I am still trying to figure out what will give me that sense of inner peace that I am constantly searching for. I am still searching for a way to accept my circumstances for what they are and for why they are the way they are. There are still so many questions yet to be answered. But I learned last night it is a heck of a lot easier to answer them by staying sober and by doing a lot of good honest introspection. As my birthday weekend comes to a close, I don't feel any older. But I do feel a lot more mature. I'm finally growing up. |
((Omega)) - what an awesome post, and a GREAT way to celebrate your birthday!! Happy Birthday! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
[QUOTE=Omega10;2541424 I am an addict. I am not addicted to any particular drug. I am addicted to the escape. I am addicted to the abandonment of self-control. .[/QUOTE] Great Post. I love that. I have never thought about it like that before. I can relate to that addiction to losing control and escape. I guess that is why I loved booze so much. Made me lose control and escape more than any other drug. No sense of care either. Thanks for posting. Good choice on giving that toke a miss, would lead you straight back to the booze again in all probability. certainly would for me anyway. peace |
happy birthday omega,and thanks for your honest share. i came to realise fairly quickly that booze was just a symptom of my illness of alcoholism. when i was younger i used to take alot of party drugs,but it was booze that i went back to every time. all these things were just my "solution" to life as i had no clue how to live. then booze became the problem of course. now i have been shown a way of life where it is not necessary to drink. i wish you well in your recovery. :day6 |
Happy Birthday Omega..a Very intelligent Thought Provoking Post :scoregood |
Originally Posted by Omega10
(Post 2541424)
Despite the fact that I live with myself every minute of my life, sometimes I get a kick from the universe that teaches me something new about myself. Last night was no exception. Last night my friend held a dinner party in my honour for my birthday. I showed up at his house with my tea in hand. We hung out, chatted, waited for the remaining guests to arrive, and I switched to my new favourite drink - ginger ale with a splash of orange juice. I am also happy to announce that when it came time for the toast in my honour, I toasted with ginger ale, while they toasted me with wine. Something did happen, though, that surprised me. My friends like to smoke marijuana. Although I have smoked it on a handful of occasions, it is not something I have really been into. Alcohol is definitely my DOC. I was outside with my friends while they were smoking, and was presented with the offer to partake. I thought to myself, "I'm giving up alcohol, and this isn't alcohol, so what can it hurt? This way, I get a buzz and technically I am still maintaining my goal of not drinking." HUH?!?! I took a step back in my head and tried to rationalize what I was considering. If I took a haul, I would not be gaining anything. I would not have learned anything. The changes I am making would be for nothing. I thought about this site. This site is called "Sober Recovery". It is not called "Substitute One Means of Escape for Another". It was at that moment that the universe opened up and a really big bright light shone upon me. The reason I do what I do is that I am looking for a way to escape even for a few hours. I live a life that is controlled by responsibilities, and the consumption of mind altering substances gives me the opportunity to abandon control. But everything always has a price. What would the price be this time if I took that haul? There was only one way to answer the question. I did the "risk vs reward" calculation in my head. I realized that I did not want to know the answer to the question that badly. I politely said "no thanks". The reward was much greater by saying "no" as I was given a huge wealth of insight into myself. I am an addict. I am not addicted to any particular drug. I am addicted to the escape. I am addicted to the abandonment of self-control. Learning this is a huge milestone for me. I am still trying to figure out what will give me that sense of inner peace that I am constantly searching for. I am still searching for a way to accept my circumstances for what they are and for why they are the way they are. There are still so many questions yet to be answered. But I learned last night it is a heck of a lot easier to answer them by staying sober and by doing a lot of good honest introspection. As my birthday weekend comes to a close, I don't feel any older. But I do feel a lot more mature. I'm finally growing up. Reading this I did get a little nervous,.........until I saw your answer was no,...good job. Maybe your next birthday should be a totally booze and drug free gathering,....just being around isn't cool! Thanks,...........and happy birthday |
Happy birthday Omega - and yeah - great post! :c014: I wish I'd been as smart and self aware - might have saved myself another 10 years on the hamster wheel :rolleyes2 D |
Originally Posted by Omega10
(Post 2541424)
This site is called "Sober Recovery". It is not called "Substitute One Means of Escape for Another".
Originally Posted by Omega10
(Post 2541424)
As my birthday weekend comes to a close, I don't feel any older. But I do feel a lot more mature. :bday7 |
Omega, makes a lot of sense to me! |
What a birthday gift, the bright light of the universe! May you find your inner peace, one bright light at a time. Happy birthday, Omega! |
Happy Birthday Omega! And, yes, recognizing that the alcohol is a symptom is a big step. So digging deep within and trying to figure out what are the underlying issues is the beginning of the journey of recovery. |
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