Agh!
 

I seem to be making a bigger and bigger fool of myself every day. I'm still clean from my doc, but alcohol seems to be taking a foothold (yes I know, replacing one for another) I can't say what I want until I'm drunk, and when I'm drunk I end up saying way more than I ever meant to say. I've been stupid enough to let my heart get broken yet again, and I'm just sick of allowing myself to care enough to get hurt. Then I get angry, then I get drunk, then I get stupid. I just wish I could find a way to get my feelings out, but I just have this urge to tell him what a pansy I think he's being, and how upset I am about the whole situation. More than anything, I really wish I didn't care. I get so mad at myself when I care. I'd rather be ice cold.

Mab's sorry your feeling down in the dumps , this is why so many say its best not to get involved in a relationship even if its just the just to kiss on the sofa , one thing leads to another and the heart just does what it wants to , even tho you say its just for friendship . see where it got yah hun ? Date your recovery! get to know you . find out who the real you is before you let another find out who are .
Mabs your a great person you dont need to drink to have ppl like you .. Are you ready to get into some sorta support group yet ? this would soooooooooo help you with whats going on in your world .. One day youll decide to give it a full hearted attempt and see that wow this really does help . mean while stay away from the boys . find friends that have better things to do then to tie one on and make bad choices and end up makeing bad decissions . and pick up the wrong group of friends . huggles Endzy

honey, i'm so sorry about that! i had several months sober, met a guy, got my heart broken, and picked up the drinking again. let me ammend that; i started drinking again WHILE i was with him because i couldn't find what it took to tell him that i shouldn't drink. but i REALLY started back when things started going south. it loosened my tongue, just like you :) . but in the end, i was the only one who was hurting, and boy was i hurting myself with my drinking. i don't know what encouragement i can give you, but i really know what you're saying. can you just kick the guy to the curb (no calls, no texts, no emails or facebook or myspace... no matter how tempting!!) and focus on sobriety? we're here for you.

(((((((((())))))))))

gg

No I can't kick him to the curb. He didn't do anything wrong really. He let me down nicely. His reasons for why make him a pansy though, just makes me mad. We have class together every day so there's not much avoiding him, especially since he did nothing wrong.

Hi MAB

I'm not a relationship expert so I'll leave that to others :)
Do think about your drinking tho - you already know the dangers of cross addiction - replacing one drug with another.

Nip it in the bud now, MAB.
You know it makes sense.

D

Yes, the plan is NOT to drink. It's obviously not working out very well for me.

If you really want to tell the other person something and can't get it out at one time while sober, have you considered maybe composing an email and taking your time doing it -- writing a little, saving it, editing, adding, etc, until it seems to say what needs to be said? I've had some success with that at times, though it can get a little obsessive if it turns into a week-long project (ask me how I know).

Stay strong!

I think that journalling can help quite a bit when you feel like you need to get something out. And, of course, posting here is a good too. Sometimes just to see the words on a page helps you to sort things out.

Stay focused on being sober and you will find your way.

I can relate to this very well. I planned not to drink all the time. My plans always failed. I had to do some research and decide if according to the experts I was an alcoholic or not. I was. A couple of years down the road and its clear to me that it was total insanity to try and stop drinking on my own. I had to link up with people who had beat this alcoholism thing. It was in AA I learned that I'm not broken, just sick. And we get better. I needed to change my thinking and eventually explore spiritual matters.
Today the obsession to drink alcohol is lifted. I have problems in my life, but alcohol is not one of them.
I wish you the best..

You're absolutely right, thank you.

Yes I do journal some, but sometimes I do end up getting angrier that I can't get the feelings out in an organized manner. I tend to do most of my writing after the fact.