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No support at home

Old 03-13-2010, 05:17 PM
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Angry No support at home

My husband and 29-year old son (lives with us) are the opposite of supportive in my efforts at sobriety, probably because they have no interest in joining me. I agreed to walk the dogs with my son this afternoon, and he took a detour to the liquor store on the way home. H and S have asked me how long I'm going to keep this up and made it clear it makes me pretty boring. But they've also both cut way back on their consumption since I stopped -- I haven't said anything to them about it. I know this is my journey and I have to live my own life and not try to control theirs. But that little bottle of brandy sitting in its nook next to the toaster gives me a little hit of panic when I walk past. So I'm upstairs setting up a new computer and generally staying away. H resents how much time I'm on the computer lately, too. But I figure, whatever works for me. And hanging around the both of them won't work.
Could be a long night up here...
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:25 PM
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I agree with you that this is your journey.

They may not understand what you're doing or support you, but you know what you need to do.
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:49 PM
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Originally Posted by NellieM View Post
My husband and 29-year old son (lives with us) are the opposite of supportive in my efforts at sobriety, probably because they have no interest in joining me. I agreed to walk the dogs with my son this afternoon, and he took a detour to the liquor store on the way home. H and S have asked me how long I'm going to keep this up and made it clear it makes me pretty boring. But they've also both cut way back on their consumption since I stopped -- I haven't said anything to them about it. I know this is my journey and I have to live my own life and not try to control theirs. But that little bottle of brandy sitting in its nook next to the toaster gives me a little hit of panic when I walk past. So I'm upstairs setting up a new computer and generally staying away. H resents how much time I'm on the computer lately, too. But I figure, whatever works for me. And hanging around the both of them won't work.
Could be a long night up here...
Wow I'm sorry to hear this. Not sure what to say?
I admire what your doing and I hope you can hang in there,...recovery is totally cool!
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Old 03-13-2010, 06:45 PM
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Hi Nellie

I hope things get better for you soon. I dont really know what to say either as I have a very supportive partner.

Hang in there and continue on your journey

LH
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Old 03-13-2010, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by NellieM View Post
Could be a long night up here...
Yep I agree, I'm in some sort of panic attack or something

But I can relate to not having support. It is hard especially when someone is a chronic relapser. Sure I've had more recovery than not but it just seems like each time I relapse I loose more of the support that I did have and than when you have nothing or no one at home with you but my dog Chance, I talk to the walls literally.

I wouldn't be able to do what you are doing and have alcohol in the house. Dang you must have some will-power or some Power that is helping you. Glad you're here.
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Old 03-13-2010, 07:29 PM
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Well, Nellie, if they keep cutting back on the consumption, maybe they will see that you are not the boring one after all. (Maybe that is wishful thinking.)

I, for one, know that I once was (and am now again) scintillating without alcohol.

I don't know what kind of options you have (like support groups) and what kind of dynamics are going on at home, but I would want you to have the right kind of support around you.
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Old 03-13-2010, 07:46 PM
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Hi Nellie....I'm glad you are at SR.

My situation was similar to yours. I quit drinking and my husband didn't. He kept waiting for me to start again.....because....he missed his drinking buddy. And, it made him look at his drinking as well.

Keep doing what you are doing. Come to SR! Lots of help here.
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Old 03-13-2010, 10:14 PM
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It's very hard at moments and then not so hard at others. I thought about quitting for a long time before I finally did it (haven't we all??) and had been thinking about what I wanted to do. So many things I haven't accomplished because of the nightly blur. Today I went to a zumba dance class that was a lot of fun. Cleaned out a closet and got the new computer set up. Really had a productive day. 14 days. *****.
Thanks for the responses.
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Old 03-13-2010, 11:15 PM
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Congratulations on the 14 days. That really is an accomplishment. I know what it is like to have no support. Remember that you are doing this for yourself. I would ask if they could put the bottles out of your reach or something. That really pissed me off in the beginning. There would be bottles of all kinds both full and empty around. I couldn't figure out if my husband was trying to sabotage me or not. He would asked me if I wanted something in the beginning but he doesn't anymore. It has been over 5 months. The bottles that are around are my drink of choice which he never drank. I think he liked me better as a drunk. Oh well....more power to us! Stick with it. He also thinks I spend too much time on the computer..but this is the only place that I can relate to..keep reading and posting....
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:20 AM
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Congrats on two weeks sober! With or without support you're doing great!
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:02 AM
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Congrats on 2 weeks Nellie! Be proud!

My 2 weeks is tomorrow and my wife is also a heavy drinker that has no intention of quitting. But that's her call. I stay in another room when she's drinking and asked her not to bring in the beer/booze where I am.

SR is a blessing and hearing that we're not alone makes the battle tolerable.
Keep up the great work!
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:05 AM
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Nellie I'm wishing you all the best. I too struggle with a drinking spouse who has no intention of stopping. Yes it's our journey, thanks for pointing that out. I'm at my wits end with this again too. The never ending roller coaster ride.

It would be great if we lived in a perfect world. When we needed support from our loved ones it would be there. Sounds so simple to me.

Good on you. Keep moving forward. I hope to also. I'm not new to recovery message boards. I've had the best help ever. But keep flopping backwards for some reason. As a matter of fact my journey started at this message board years ago. Something has guided me back again.

So just know you're in GOOD hands here. Best support ever, which you've probably figured out by now lol.
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Old 03-14-2010, 10:32 AM
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Sorry to hear your family is less than supportive of your decision. Sometimes it is hard do go through so many changes like this without those who are closest to you, but you will be stronger in the end. You have the resources of the SR community on which to lean when things get tough - there are a lot of people here rooting for you!

Keep up the great work of staying sober - congratulations on 2 weeks!!!

Stay strong, you can do this!
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Old 03-14-2010, 12:16 PM
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Hi Nellie. Not fair that they aren't behind you and encouraging you more. I do agree it's fear on their part that things are changing - they're uncertain of how it'll affect their lives.

I thought of this thread last night. I have to lose weight & have been trying very hard. Last night, in comes my husband with 2 cartons of ice cream that was "on sale". Oh, thanks SO much for your consideration......
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Old 03-14-2010, 03:40 PM
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Hi Nellie

It would be great if we all had the support we needed...but it doesn't always work out that way, unfortunately.

It's why we have SR tho - you'll always find support and encouragement here.

I hope your husband and son will come around tho - it's a time of adjustment for them as much as it is for you...

maybe you'll end up leading by example?

In any case, there's a lot of folks here who've gotten sober and stayed that way - even with a less than supportive spouse, friends or family....

Try not and let it get you down too much. You're not alone here

Congrats on your 2 weeks!
D
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