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Oh, you evil and devious brain...

Old 03-12-2010, 07:23 AM
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Oh, you evil and devious brain...

I'm on day 12 (*****) and my withdrawal symptoms have been very mild. Not sure why, but who's complaining. So my logical, evil brain starts doing the reasoning for me. Well, if the WDs aren't that bad, then I guess I'm really not a true alcoholic. I must just be a temporarily out of control drinker that just let the drinking get out of hand. Since I'm not shaking, drooling and vomiting, I'm not an alcoholic, I just enjoy drinking. Wow. I feel much better about myself. I'm sure I can come up with a plan that allows me to control my alcoholic intake.

Message to brain. What the F**K are you doing? Did you forget the 15 other times that you quit and then convinced yourself that you could start again and control it? Are you saying that I should keep drinking and drinking and drinking until my addiction is so bad that I do shake and vomit and drool when I stop??? Oh no you don't evil brain. I'm not falling for that again!

Day 12. *****! Thanks SD for all the help. You all Rock!
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Old 03-12-2010, 07:39 AM
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Hey! My brain has been saying the same thing to me!

That b*s***d.
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Old 03-12-2010, 07:39 AM
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=)

I drank for 28 years and had zero WD symptoms when I quit. I never drank in the morning or got DUIs either, butI have never wanted to stop after one drink and somewhere along the line I have too much and start behaving badly. I don't want to be that person anymore, grats on day 12!
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Emmy69 View Post

Oh no you don't evil brain. I'm not falling for that again!
Student: What part of man's thinking is delusional?

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: All of it!
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Emmy69
I guess I'm really not a true alcoholic.
Oh I remember that mind game. I'm not a true alcoholic, undeniable alcoholic, gutter drunk alcoholic, wino alcoholic or whatever I wanted to rationalize my alcoholism with some funky qualification. The bottom line with me is: if I have a problem with alcohol, I need to do something about it. I had to get out of using confusing labels and just focus on finding the appropriate treatment that treated 'me (the) alcoholic'.
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:21 AM
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Yeah that was so much fun, if i hadn't gone to AA i'd still be doing that...shudder!
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:47 AM
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Hello Emmy

Welcome to SR.

Yup I had a serious case of the - I had no withdrawal symptoms, never had a DUI, no arrests, no broken relationships, - so what is the big deal. Conclusion - I am not an alcoholic.

I quickly got off of that bus. I do still not completely believe that I am an alcoholic, but it doesn't matter. I could clearly see the destruction that drinking was causing and could see the probable path I would travel if I continued to drink. So I stopped and so far have stayed stopped without much trouble.

Instead of going on and on with the alcoholic vs. not alcoholic debate I consider myself very lucky that I figured it out before it got so bad. Now that I don't drink, I can't see what positives there are to drinking. Headache, empty calories, expense, etc. No thanks.

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Old 03-12-2010, 08:49 AM
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Mind Games! you said it, Its 14days sober and friday..And would be so easy for me to pick up right now,as have just bought my wife a box of wine.. And its sitting there Lookin at me..winking an calling out to me..And as others have said,the power of the Addiction the Voice..Shall we say of treason is rationalizing as to why ive been a good lad..Refrained for 2 weeks, worked hard,Even though needed 2 days off ill..Alcohol related, How i deserve a nice little chillout unwinder from this big bad world..JUST FOR TODAY????, and then we can make it all better again tommorow! an start back from scratch, it is so kniving,convincing when you allow it to be..reasons in my brain like ive been far too serious, an need to unwind and bring a bit of fun back into my life...All this rationalising..Am not gonna crack this time..Like an above poster says after many years of drinking heavily,never really had the DTs to deal with on stopping..Me too really...Non of that shakes/vomiting/hot,cold sweats me neither..However have had a very unusual viral infection which put me off work for 2days and bedridden, much organ pain and discomfort,total energy wipeout,head throat muscle aches and pains, i do without a doubt think this is Alcohol damage Related, still under parr now,so bein best part of a week, do not be fooled in thinkin because you dont get what should be the textbook DTs, that any other major physicall comedowns sickness are not Alcohol related, ok maybe just five days of this misery..BUT AM NOT GONNA THROW IT ALL AWAY to start all over again at zero!!!
No Way Hose,
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Old 03-12-2010, 10:51 PM
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I'm on the same bus, day 13, no serious withdrawal symptoms, only a little insomnia which i've been plagued with all my life. I've done this before and listened to that clever monkey mind before and ended up a little further down that road each time. Like all of us, hate the hangovers, but what I hate even more is the fuzzy brain. That doesn't go away after a day. It was starting to look like it would be permanent, and that really scared me. I'm not going to go through this again either.
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Old 03-13-2010, 07:30 AM
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You're not alone! I have the same argument in my head from time to time. In the beginning the argument resembled a screaming match. Now, the arguing isn't quite so bad, but I still have my moments where I think "just one. Just for today."

I've learned a lot on this site about recognizing the addict voice in my head and how to silence it. For me, I've been suffering from PAWS pretty badly. What helped was when I was learning about PAWS, I read that the "just one. Just for today." will undo everything and my PAWS will likely be worse the next time around. This is the last time I want to go through all this withdrawal.

I have been working so hard to make it this far. I don't want to destroy it by caving to the addict voice in my head.
A
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Old 03-13-2010, 08:04 AM
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I appreciate this post/thread. I have these thoughts - a lot. I'm on day 77 now, and have had about 2 1/2 months of peace...and I start to think, well, maybe I can drink just a few, or just on Saturday or whatever. But then I think of all the times before that I tried to control it and epically failed. And how I'd be good for a while, and then pull off the mother of all drinking marathons, not knowing what happened, so sick that I didn't even START puking until 24 hrs. after the last drink. Then I think - no, that ship has sailed...it's not for me.

My husband and friends are starting to respect me again, and trust me again not to be that girl, the one we have to babysit, and I don't want to lose that. Someone a couple weeks ago even suggested that I drive one of the drinkers somewhere because I was the only sober one. What a concept. I was the dependable one for once, and it felt pretty damn good.
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Old 03-13-2010, 10:00 AM
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Hehe, As Homer Simpson says when his brain is telling him to do the right thing: "Doah!!!! STUPID BRAIN!!". Ha! Very cunning and devious to get its animal pleasure! It takes our higher brain that actually remembers all the bad times to step back and say WTF!! Good post Emmy!
Thanks, stay strong!
..Mike
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Old 03-13-2010, 12:05 PM
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Day 11 today, i also have that cunning little demon on my shoulder DONT LISTEN TO HIM as even if you had 2 drinks what about down the track? as a couple just opens the door to more alcohol misery!
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