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what a screwup- had 7 days and then drank two glasses of wine

Old 03-12-2010, 05:37 AM
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what a screwup- had 7 days and then drank two glasses of wine

took my wife to dinner and we ordered wine- what the crap was I thinking? I was too confident as usual and that demon was hovering over me like a thundercloud.
didnt get a 'buzz' and dont have a hangover, I know where this leads. Going to two meetings today, this will not be last year over again....
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Old 03-12-2010, 05:54 AM
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Well Dub..Lets hope you say enough hail marys..And head for the confession booth at your local church..only Kidding Dub,This things not so easy.. hope you can chock it up an get back on track, Goin through some serious cravings also, as its Fri, finished work early,got paid..And everyone around starts switchin into Chillout Mode.. hope you can resume your Sobrietry..Regards, KC.:wtf2
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Old 03-12-2010, 06:07 AM
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Start all over again. You can do it. Start over and this time, avoid alcohol at all costs.
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Old 03-12-2010, 06:10 AM
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Dub it happened, did you learn something?

Is your wife supportive of you?

Who thought ordering wine would be a good idea this early in sobriety?

Did you call your sponsor or some one else BEFORE you drank?

Are you NOW willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober?

Does your wife like you drinking?

What have you learned from this?
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:19 AM
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Dub....

I'm not sure how anyone can feel "confident" about being able to have any amount of alcohol after 7 days.......Seriously? This isn't your first time at quitting and you thought the same thing at christmas when you thought "a couple of glasses of wine can't hurt". Well once again, you see it can and does hurt.

MHO Dub.....You aren't serious about quitting and you won't quit until you honestly want to quit.
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:43 AM
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Some of the tools that can be useful in avoiding that first glass can be challenging.

I avoided going to my neighborhood AA for months, so I could maintain the option of shopping at my neighborhood liquor store. Of course, I told myself that "I was nervous about seeing someone I knew". But, that wasn't the real reason: I wanted the option of shopping at my local liqour store when I relapsed, and not being seen by AA people.

In the very, very beginning, almost 3 years ago this summer, when I first thought seriously about quitting, I would quit for periods of days, but not tell my husband about it. That left the option open for me to start drinking again without my husband raising his eyebrows in surprise and puzzlement.

Finally, when I told him I was quitting drinking, it shut a lot of doors: after I told him, there was no more ordering wine at restaurants with him, no more drinking wine at home with him.

I relapsed countless times after I made the decision to quit, and a lot of the relapses happened because I had left myself options for drinking....I guess I wasn't just ready yet.

I'm not saying you are doing that, but, that was my experience with relapses.
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Old 03-12-2010, 09:53 AM
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I do kind of feel for you a bit Dub, i mean i wouldn't have gone to AA and worked the steps a minute before i was broke, broken and alone...i'm convinced that if i wasn't a compulsive gambler i would have still had all the trappings of a seemingly good life and have gotten sober much later on in my life if at all...

BUT I've met a load of people who didn't have to get to where i had to and they are sober living happy lives, so can you when you are willing to:-)

Your post reminded me of times i would go out and have 5/6 drinks (closing time at 11pm days in the UK) and then go home happy, next morning i would wake up all buzzed up yeah i feel fine so that how to do it...next night i would get absolutely slaughtered lol and back into that horrible feeling again....check out the doctors opinion in the big book, its that first drink mate it starts off that chain reaction in us...i didn't know that until i went to AA, but in hindsight it makes complete sense!
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Old 03-12-2010, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
took my wife to dinner and we ordered wine- what the crap was I thinking?
You were not thinking Dud! This is a fricking disease. It takes at least 5-6 months of not drinking to even have any sort of normality if you can call it that. Shoot my first weeks are all over the Internet. Over and Over.

my think is that I forget to ask God to help me to stay sober.

I than get a bucket of I don't cares

Than I'm Drunk

But usually I'm the 9 month to 2 1/2 years relapser have to figure why I don't do what we are told. It isn't easy man. I can honestly tell you from my own experience, If I ever went back out I wouldn't make it back in. There is not another Chance for Recovery For me.

Blessings all of us only have today anyways

The right now.:ghug3
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Old 03-12-2010, 10:19 AM
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"cunning, baffeling, mysterious". I think most of us have had similiar experiences. As best I can figure out, It simply takes time to establish new habits that exclude drinking as part of our MO. It seems that booz has a power of it's own and calls us to imbibe. Takes work, practice, and time to distance youself from past behaviors. All I can add is not to beat yourself up too much; learn from the past, but don't obssess or dwell on it. Most who are successfully abstinant have had may attempts before it really sticks. Best of luck and keep us posted. Oh!; and turning yourself into a hermit (avoiding and not creating situations where there are triggers) for a couple months can get you off to a great start.
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Old 03-12-2010, 12:41 PM
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Dub... Keep away from the booze man. Simple.

Tell your wife you're an alcoholic, if she doesn't already know, and that to drink is to die.

If you're still struggling believing that statement then maybe there is your answer?


peace and Love man
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Old 03-12-2010, 02:05 PM
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((((Dubs))))

For me to stay sober, I have to do something every day as treatment. I read one of my "Just for Today" or "Keep it Simple" or "Laugh, Thought I'd Die" meditation books. I think about the meditation all day.

I often write a gratitude list. And I have a lot to be grateful for, just like you do! I have friends who love me and workmates who depend on me and a husband who makes my life worth living. That's enough to keep me working on my recovery.

That. and that I don't want to be so sick and depressed. I don't want to disable the best of me with alcohol.

Is your wife in Alanon? Does she fully understand the consequences for you and her if you continue to drink and use?

Dubs, I worry for you. I don't want to see you die. I don't want you to end up in the back ward of some hospital. Or even worse, in jail. And these are the logical outcomes of alcoholism.

If you aren't relating to AA, have you tried other methods? Do you have a trusted and competent doctor who understands addiction? If not, get one.

Please keep posting. You deserve a life free of addiction. I frequently have dinner out with friends and for work events. I don't drink. You can order any number of beverages, like a soda with Rose's Lime juice that look festive and taste good.

You don't have to drink. But you have to make a commitment to sobriety. Every day.

Much love,

Lenina
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:26 AM
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thanks everyone- I appreciate your responses. Really appreciate. I am going to look for a sponsor- dont have one even though I have been going to AA every day.
Love and Peace
dub
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:40 AM
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Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
thanks everyone- I appreciate your responses. Really appreciate. I am going to look for a sponsor- dont have one even though I have been going to AA every day.
Love and Peace
dub
Great decision, Dub. Just what you need right now.
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:44 AM
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Wink

Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
thanks everyone- I appreciate your responses. Really appreciate. I am going to look for a sponsor- dont have one even though I have been going to AA every day.
Love and Peace
dub
Very Wise Choice There dedubya!
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:58 AM
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I can understand where you are coming from with the "couple of glasses of wine" thing. I have this same problem too. Earlier this week I made it through my first event where alcohol was served without drinking. I've got a long weekend at the beach coming up next month where there will be lots of drinking. It's a work thing, so not going is not an option. I'm already stressing about it. I really think the root of my problem is that I have not accepted that this is really a problem for me.

Pot was my DOC and I always considered my drinking "managable", and I suppose to a large degree it was. It is however a problem for me. Am I a "real alcoholic"? I don't know and don't really care, it is a problem though. If it were really "no big deal", like I've said many times, it wouldn't be any problem saying no. However that is really not the case, as shown by my obsessing about an event 3 weeks out.

So I guess what I'm saying, for me at least, is that I don't think I take this seriously enough, and I need to. Are you in the same boat? Are you really ready to commit? It's hard, I've been on the fence for a long time, and I really need to choose a side. Hope some of this helps. Take care.
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Old 03-13-2010, 06:04 AM
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An excellent tool mentioned here and in the rooms of AA is to bring a sober buddie to events. Either someone in the program or just a close friend who knows you aren't drinking and will abstain from drinking along with you.
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Old 03-13-2010, 06:49 AM
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Dear Dub,
I truly feel for you and I know how very hard it is to JUST SAY NO!!! to that demon on our shoulder in early sobriety.
Day 10 today, and it has been very hard with anxiety +++ with random cravings.I am trying to just focus on step 1 and the unmanageability of my life when back drinking as it truly gets harder for me to recover after each relapse. I do know for me that just 2 drinks opens the door to certain trouble again with this cunning disease.
I hope that you are back on the recovery wagon!
kind regards
Julia
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Old 03-13-2010, 04:36 PM
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Dub, I know I've said it before in your posts, and I'll say it again since you said you ARE.......DO get a sponsor and work the steps. "Half measures availed us nothing" and that's what you're doing. One foot out and one foot in.

I used to think that the whole "sponsor and 12 step thing" was a bunch of hooey, I am now a BIG fan of them!!! How can so many people be wrong and me be right??
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Old 03-13-2010, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
took my wife to dinner and we ordered wine- what the crap was I thinking? I was too confident as usual and that demon was hovering over me like a thundercloud.
didnt get a 'buzz' and dont have a hangover, I know where this leads. Going to two meetings today, this will not be last year over again....
good stuff,....thanks for your honesty
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:31 PM
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Dub, I hope you make the changes in your life necessary for you to be able to be sober.
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