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Help me make this the last time?

Old 03-09-2010, 03:11 AM
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Help me make this the last time?

I am on my 3rd day sober and I am determined that I will never drink again.

I felt so low and hopeless, ashamed, guilty, angry, that I never want to feel that ever again.

Although I am not going to AA this time, I am still reading the big book and following some of the advice and steps. I am also using the SMART worksheets to help build my motivation, determination and to help me identify triggers.

One of my main problems is that I absolutely HATE asking anyone for help....I have always been like this, long before I became an alcoholic. If there is any way at all I can do this on my own, that's how I want to do it, but I also am desperate to make it work this time.

My husband said to me on my last night of drinking....'If you don't stop I'm gonna leave you', hence that was my last night...I don't think he would but he's very fed up of me drinking every night.

I awoke on day 1 sober feeling hope again...and what an inspiring change of feelings...that alone is worth fighting for. I am praying morning and night, and calling on my HP for guidance and to show me the way. I am desperately trying to 'let go' of it all and put my faith in God/HP that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be and that I will be shown the way.

I would be very grateful for support to help me again.

Humbly xx
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Old 03-09-2010, 03:24 AM
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Hi there

I can relate to much of what you've written - for several years, I wanted to recover "on my own". Unfortunately, I found that it was impossible. I don't know if you've realised that, by starting this thread, you have effectively let other people in. In my experience, that's the ticket: reaching out.

Along with other aids (some of which you've mentioned in your post) SR has provided me the support and encouragement I needed to maintain and progress in my recovery.

Reaching out is not a sign of weakness, it just means that you need a bit of help. Keep doing it

The feelings and situations you've mentioned are to be expected; handle them at your own pace, giving yourself the time you need to get back on your feet. Many people find that working a formal recovery programme is invaluable in their recovery.

Read a lot, post a lot, and take care of yourself. And keep reaching out
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayinfree View Post
One of my main problems is that I absolutely HATE asking anyone for help....I have always been like this, long before I became an alcoholic. If there is any way at all I can do this on my own, that's how I want to do it, but I also am desperate to make it work this time.
Hi Stayinfree,

I know that I couldn't do this on my own. And I know there are many, many alcoholics who say exactly the same. Another thing we have in common is that we tried for a long time to quit on our own before realising we were hopeless and that we were prepared to go to any lengths to recover. Any lengths meant casting aside the old idea of not asking for help. That's my experience.
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:43 AM
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Hi Intention

I knew you would say something along those lines to me!

These are my issues with going to AA.

I work 9 - 3pm daily. I have my grandson in nursery for the same time.
When I pick him up we go home, I let my dogs out. We play and tidy up, then make tea. My husband get home at 5pm.

I take my youngest, naughtyest dog to work with me so he gets walked by me at lunchtime. But the other 2 need a good walk each evening and there is only me and hubby to walk dogs/ look after my grandson.

For me to go to AA, I would need to leave the house at 6.45pm and would get back at 9.45pm, which would mean leaving looking after my grandson to my husband every night, plus the dogs wouldn't get a walk.

On Sunday, in my desperation, I knew I couldn't do this alone anymore because I don't want to fail again. I felt I needed to get back to AA and get a sponser and start working those steps.....but what is stopping me is that when I am asked if I will do anything to get sober....I would have to reply, 'within reason', because I just could not get to 90/90.

In your experience, would a sponser be happy that I only made 2 meetings a week?

I will do whatever I need to this time to stay stopped, but if I started going out to meetings every night, my husband would not cope and my grandson and my dogs would suffer, then I know that the guilt would start and it would be downhill from there.

It sounds like an excuse, even to my ears, but life needs to be better without alcohol and I feel that I need to find an alternative to AA that will help me and satisfy my husband and allow me to continue to meet my commitments x
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:45 AM
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Ultimately only you can make this your last time. No-one can stop you picking that first drink up, only you. What others can do is show you what worked for them and then you take their lead. What you are currently doing obviously ain't working so you may need to do some things differently. But you have to be willing.

Don't get lost in rhetoric about AA Stayingfree. Better to go to 1 meeting a week then no meetings. Remember that it is your life and sobriety at stake here, nobody elses. Don't get lost in the whole sponsor/90 in 90 rhetoric that I see dishearten a lot of people. Ultimately do what you gotta do to stay sober to "the best of your ability". All of the rhetoric/guidelines mean nothing if you go and take a drink anyway. Always remember that. Do what you gotta do to keep sober 'one day at a time'. Don't get lost in the future thinking about sponsors/90 in 90. Just get to a meeting, sit down and listen and then share where you're at. Worked for me. Like I say I can share my experince, what worked for me is gonna be very different to what works for somebody else.


peace
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayinfree View Post
Hi Intention

I knew you would say something along those lines to me!

These are my issues with going to AA.

I work 9 - 3pm daily. I have my grandson in nursery for the same time.
When I pick him up we go home, I let my dogs out. We play and tidy up, then make tea. My husband get home at 5pm.

I take my youngest, naughtyest dog to work with me so he gets walked by me at lunchtime. But the other 2 need a good walk each evening and there is only me and hubby to walk dogs/ look after my grandson.

For me to go to AA, I would need to leave the house at 6.45pm and would get back at 9.45pm, which would mean leaving looking after my grandson to my husband every night, plus the dogs wouldn't get a walk.

On Sunday, in my desperation, I knew I couldn't do this alone anymore because I don't want to fail again. I felt I needed to get back to AA and get a sponser and start working those steps.....but what is stopping me is that when I am asked if I will do anything to get sober....I would have to reply, 'within reason', because I just could not get to 90/90.

In your experience, would a sponser be happy that I only made 2 meetings a week?

I will do whatever I need to this time to stay stopped, but if I started going out to meetings every night, my husband would not cope and my grandson and my dogs would suffer, then I know that the guilt would start and it would be downhill from there.

It sounds like an excuse, even to my ears, but life needs to be better without alcohol and I feel that I need to find an alternative to AA that will help me and satisfy my husband and allow me to continue to meet my commitments x
Hi

Here is what didn't work for me over the years:

Me
Resonance Treatment
Antabuse
Anti Depressants
Addiction counselling
Rehab

That lot took me a good few years to get through so kept me busy.

Finally i went to AA, had to be desperate to go...i was a busy guy with all that stuff!

Anyways to answer your question, my sponsor explained to me that the 90 in 90 (his opinion) was BS and he got sober on 2 meetings a week, hes been sober 24 years last week actually, took me through steps and got me sober...so it depends on who you ask to be your sponsor, the most important thing, IMO, is that the person you ask has had a spiritual awakening...if they haven't experienced that themselves then ask the next person:-)

Make time for your 2 meetings and start working the steps, odds are you won't have much left of what you have now anyway unless you get sober, might not seem like that now, it didn't for me, until i realised one day **** there's no-one left...

Only you can make this the last time...with help...
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Old 03-09-2010, 05:04 AM
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There are many people on the boards who do not use AA and who stay sober.

I use books and SR is my lifeline.

I also work on my program every single day - physically, spiritually and emotionally.
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Old 03-09-2010, 05:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
There are many people on the boards who do not use AA and who stay sober.

I use books and SR is my lifeline.

I also work on my program every single day - physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Thank you Anna

Could you tell me what your program is? I have just bought another 6 books on alcoholism, I am very introverted and love reading and learning. Also how did you use SR at first to help you, was it just reading posts, was it posting your own topics...how do I use this forum to get the best from it?

Thank you x
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Old 03-09-2010, 05:55 AM
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Do what you gotta do to keep sober 'one day at a time'.

I come here often for support and inspiration, also to help the newcomers. I find when I help others I'm less inclined to even think of drinking. So helping others stay sober helps me stay sober as well.

Is it a possibility for you to see an addiction counselor? I've been seeing mine for two years and she's a tremendous help.
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Old 03-09-2010, 06:00 AM
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I can relate to you Stayinfree in that I also quit because of an ultimatum from my spouse. She said the same thing and unlike you I am pretty sure she meant it this time.
The other similarity is that my program also consists of some parts of AA, specifically the parts about repairing character flaws and making amends and Part of the SMART program specifically the CAB.
The other cornerstone for me is fitness. If you look good you will feel good about yourself kind of thing.
It has worked for me for over a year now so that is the only endorsement I can give it.
I think if you put the desires of your mate above all else you will be fine.
Good luck.
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