learning to let go...Acceptance
 

You want the drugs but you don't want the police arrest that follows.

You want the drink but you don't want the drink driving conviction that goes with it.

You want the relaxed banter but you don't want the agressive argument about absolutely nothing that goes with it.

The list goes on and on... Basically you want it both ways, you want to be able to pick and choose all of the good but want none of the bad.

Heartbreakingly the good times get less and less and it's a case of trying to re-create a glint of good from a pitt of bad. It hadn't used to be that way had it? Probably not but thats just the way it is now.

Of course this only applies to an alcoholic/addict as for most people they are able to leave it alone once they detect they have reached the natural tipping point. Not so for this alcoholic, the point where I should have put it down is the exact point where my second wind would come and the drinks would be going down in one gulp one after the other... Cue oblivion and the inevitable calamity that follows.

I am glad that I can see my alcoholism and even more grateful that I accept that I'm an alcoholic. I have learned to realise that there is no such thing as a 'good' time with me and alcohol. The good times had long since ended and I could have quite easily have chased them until I lost everything - sanity, freedom and my life.

Grateful to be a 'recovering' alcoholic.

Only by reaching such a mental and emotional rock bottom was I able to appreciate the beauty in all of lifes little 'gifts' that so many take for granted... I can start to take it all for granted too, but when i think back 12 months to the hopelelss pitt of despair that i was in, then I cannot help but be grateful that I don't just feel like crying.

peace and love x

Very cool Neo-
You are inspirational to me. Your sobriety has revealed a lot to you apparently, looking forward to the same with me, it's already starting some. I have noticed the beauty of sunsets more the last few days, and seeing my dogs get so excited to walk and coming back absolutely exhausted after two hours- but their tails wagging so hard they could have flown off like a helictopter.
Thanks Bud
The Dude, AKA Dub

Good post, strikes a few chords here,in fact bang on cue for what am feelin just now,..Almost crawlin up the wall with angst/discomfort, stress edginess nausea, gettin what appears to be a late withdrawal symptoms nine days after the event..Aching all over..BIG Temptation to nip the store an get a hit of booze to become comfortably numb here..I Know crazy in it!!! coinciding with a birthday..Adding fuel to the fire of excuses to grab a straightener so to speak, not wishin to deter this great post into the (ME) Show here, well said neo, brings home the reality of the situation an what its all about...
Nice one..Thanks mate.:scared:

Getting past our past...
 

Yeah, thats the way of it, isn't it?. A heart and mind seeking acceptance of our alcoholism always discovers gratitude and courage in abundance to move on past all those so-called "good times" of troubled yesterdays.

Gratitude is an ongoing emotionally satisfying experience that cleanses away shame and arrogance for this alcoholic. And I'm not alone in that either. :lmaoheh heh :)

RobbyRobot

Neo, you write so many good posts. You have the making of a motivational speaker! :)

agree with above post..Wanted to add also to my previous reply..Ive no intention of throwin the towel in on a whim! 9 days so far a Detox gone through..Its a rough day.. An so happens to be runnin witha few other events..that prove testing..goin all out this time..takin no prisoners on my quest for sustained sobriety..So help me God! so to speak.
Thought id throw that line in as its sunday..An all Strength needed.. GOOD DAY.

I wrote this in response to another post on SR but I never hit the "post reply" button. I don't know why

Your post reminded me of how bizarre I thought the statement "I'm grateful to be an alcoholic" was to me when I first heard it.

In time, I began to realize that if I wasn't an alcoholic in recovery, I don't think I would ever:

• realize there's a difference between isolating and insulating [myself with just a handful of close, trusted people]
• know that resentment is about living in the past, fear is about living in the future
• know that recovery is about honesty - honesty with yourself and "if you have a skeleton in the closet, take it out and dance with it"
• be truly empathetic to another person's pain
• put God and other people before myself
• admit that I do not control the universe
• be in awe of the simplest pleasures in life
• know that I really can start the day over anytime, anywhere
• know that there is strength in surrender and the only failure is in not trying
• know that it's more important to be happy than it is to be right
• realize that nobody can make me feel anything unless I allow them to

The list grows longer each day I'm in recovery and I truly am grateful to be a work in progress.