sponsor question

Old 03-05-2010, 05:02 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
sponsor question

Hi all,

Need some advice on working with my sponsor, who I've known for several months. She wants me to call her every day, which I do. But we work completely opposite shifts, which means when she's free I'm usually going to work or in bed and vice versa. I end up leaving messages for her in 3 out of 4 calls saying I'm OK and I'd say she calls me back about half of the time. I'm questioning the value of this phone tag. She's a good person, means well and is very encouraging. I know I need to talk to her about this, I'm just dreading it though.

I'm sure she's just as frustrated with me.

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Old 03-05-2010, 05:05 PM
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Go ask the Multivax
Ceres's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
My sponsor and I were in one meeting a week togther. If this means adding a Sunday morning or whatever works for scheduling. Suggest it.

My sponsor met with me an hour a week. At my home or hers. Surely you guys can schedule an hour a week? :-)
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:07 PM
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sev's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The 4th Dimension
Posts: 118
Hey Doodle. Welcome! The best thing I could tell you is to face the fear and just have an honest conversation with your sponsor. Be open about your concerns. This is YOUR recovery. Don't worry about what she thinks. Chances are, if she's sponsoring, she'll be a-ok with this sort of conversation. Good luck.
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:09 PM
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lionheart's Avatar
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Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199

I questioned the call every day thing too and its not about the contact with each other, its about setting a goal and achieving it, whether it means talking or not. Its about you sticking to something you agreed to and regardless of whatever else is going on, you making that call at the time you both agreed to.

In saying that though, we started with an early morning time and I suggested we moved it as there would be days I would already be at work and its working much better now.

Can you suggest that the time changes from week to week to work in with both of your shifts? Its really hard to co-ordinate when you are a shift worker - I understand that.

She wont be worried about it, she will encourage you for being able to bring it up and face your fear of it.

Also, if you are not getting what you need, think of a solution to discuss with her rather than thinking the worst. If you come up with something, she might be open to it, after all, it is your recovery and journey, not hers.....

Good luck, keep posting!
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:39 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
A sponsors role is to guide you thru the Steps.
Phone message won't do that for you.

Because of the time might ask her who
she thinks has time in your situation.

All my best as youu continue to move forward
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Old 03-06-2010, 04:35 AM
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It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,905
my step sponsor meets with me eyeball to eyeball once a week when we can,which is most weekends.
I drive 40 miles one way to meet him at a coffee shop and have a cup together.
I value this time and get a lot from it.Worth the drive
He gives me homework to do and I stay in the steps in the book.
Phone meetings are ok,but they do not replace eyeball to eyeball contact for me
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:09 PM
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HumbleBee's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
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My experience has been that calling a sponsor every day is meant as a way to develop trust, as well as a way to learn how to follow directions - a pre-cursor to bringing the sponsee through the steps.

So, in my case, it wasn't about having 'meaningful' conversations every day, but more about establishing and following a routine.

I didn't mind trading voice mails as long as I knew I was doing my part by calling her (and I didn't expect to reach my sponsor either - that helped - nothing fuels resentment more than an unfulfilled expectation).

That said, it was important for me to meet my sponsor f2f once a week though. There has to be some kind of consistent communication between a sponsee/sponsor in my opinion.
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Old 03-07-2010, 04:15 AM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Thanks, all, for your advice. Have a f2f tonight and will bring up topic and go from there.

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Old 03-07-2010, 04:30 AM
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vegibean's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hi Doodle, I haven't really read through the other responses but here I go with my thoughts on that.

I also have a sponsor, we do the phone tag thing. We find time to meet with each other and do some good reading and touching base for a couple of hours. During the week we do pretty much the same as you and your sponsor. I know if I left her a message saying "Hey, I really need to talk to you", she'd call me back. However, most of the time I'm just checking in and there's not much to talk about anyway. It's fine for the both of us. Mostly this is a great habit for being accountable to someone else to keep me in check.

If you are working the steps (are you?) and you feel like you're not getting enough "work" time in, maybe you should seek out another sponsor.

My feelings on the sponsor/sponsee relationship is that they are there to guide you. Most of the work still lays on you. I've had one sponsee who was a little lazy on doing her step work and if she didn't do it my response to her was "well it's your recovery, I can't make you do anything." In other words, I wasn't responsible for what she did, I was there to guide her. If she didn't do the work.........well, that's on her.

If you feel that the relationship you two have isn't working at all, I don't think her feelings will be hurt if you need to find someone that is more conducive to what you are looking for.

I didn't get a lot out of what you posted, but I hope my share helped a little.
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