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Made your bed... Now lie in it!

Old 03-04-2010, 12:19 PM
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Made your bed... Now lie in it!

You can't have it both ways.

There is no more music festivals for me this year, no camping holidays, no Friday/saturday nights on the wreck, no mad erands etcetcetc.

BUT when I remember I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict then that is OK. I made my bed and I shall lie in it. 'Just for today I will not drink or take drugs.' So that means an end to the events that I would wish to go to. Events where everyone else of my age is at and going to. Where the 'fun' is. But they are not alcoholics and drug addicts... well most aren't but they were all the boring people... I used to like the f*ckheads. More fun.

I have to make sure I don't take a drink at all costs. So I make sacrifices. Can get a little tedious at times but it is what it is. I get my head down and make that commitment to myself each day. I made my bed and I will lie in it.

There is no such thing as a 'normal' life and drinking coexisting for me. If I drink then I will not be able to participate in 'life'. I know that and that is the way it is.

It will be worth it.
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Old 03-04-2010, 12:43 PM
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Neo, do you still do something with music, even though you are staying away from activities that you associate with the destructiveness that you are now free from?

I think "it" will be worth it too. I wouldn't want you to be different (or gone). At one point a few weeks ago, when I would read you, it seemed like I was reading a poem even though you weren't writing in verse. Then I saw you mention being involved in music a lot, and that made sense to me.

I used to be proficient in music when I was younger (even younger than you). I can remember when I switched "streams" I told myself it would probably be better so that I stayed away from drug addiction. Meanwhile, I had never even had a drink before. Then look what happened.
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:13 PM
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Hi man, I am really back into listening to music but I have had to quit gigging and thinking about getting back into a band as I still find it very hard to think about band life, gigging and being tea-total. I still kind of feel uneasy about it all and it ain't because I want to drink booze but it is so closely related to me. I am also wary that I don;t want to put myself into any situations where the first drink will be around, even with no desire to drink anymore I realise that it is potentially dangerous for an alcoholic.

I can't have one without the other so I have put my guitar playing on the back-foot as I have just been concentrating on working, saving money and recovery. I also have sorted my future plans out over the last 8 motnhs and so I am just saving money.

I guess the guitar playing will come back in time but I am just warey about it at the moment and for me I find it difficult to still think of band/gigging etc and being tea-total, the two just seem worlds apart to me. Kind of a shame I guess but it's the lesser of two evils. So I just am contrating on recovery and keeping sober.

I guess I was just feeling a little 'off' as I now have some time off work, so people asking me what I'm doing etcetc. It's difficult being an alcoholic as my sobriety is so precious so I still tend to protect my life in cotton wool to an extent. I am fine about it but my gratitute slips occassionally but I soon snap myself out of it!


Peace
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:21 PM
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OK, I hope you keep doing what you have to, to keep the sobriety.
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:37 PM
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Hey, Neo.

I'm finding the longer I'm sober....the longer it feels more like normal to me.

I think the bed you've made is one of sobriety. I'd say you made a pretty good choice!
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:41 PM
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Thanks Coffeenut! Thats how I feel it is going too for the most part. That is why I am just concentrating on keeping sober one day at a time. It is very easy for my thinking to quickly start projecting into the future and thats where the overwhelming thoughts start racing... Then I write it out on SR and I can see the wood from the trees!!


Thanks,.
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:47 PM
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Then I write it out on SR and I can see the wood from the trees!!

I so totally agree with that!
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:49 PM
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Like you, I've had to make my recovery Priority #1. As more time has gone by (closing in on 8.5 months), I find this attitude becoming "the norm" and haven't felt the need to avoid tempting situations as much as I did for the first few months. I think it'll get easier for you too, as time is a great healer.
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:57 PM
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the faster I got over the awkwardness of not drinking at concerts the faster I was able to enjoy them. I can help other people enjoy it more too. I used to be totally wasted all the time, now I can make sure everyone is safe and having a good time.
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Old 03-04-2010, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
There is no such thing as a 'normal' life and drinking coexisting for me. If I drink then I will not be able to participate in 'life'. I know that and that is the way it is.
Hey NEO,

I was so sad reading your post. To me, it sounded like sobriety was almost like a death sentence (no 'normal' life - not able to participate in 'life').

Man, I wouldn't trade this life in recovery for my old, drinking days for anything!

If sobriety means a stable, predictable life, let me have it! I'd take it over the dysfunction and mayhem of my drinking days in a heartbeat.

Notice I use the word 'stable' instead of 'boring'...in the beginning it does seem boring - it's a big transition - but, in time, life became full of so many NEW events - things I never even knew I even had a talent for - God knows I didn't have an interest in them - my only interest was in drinking!

It really is a whole new beginning and new interests or a deepening of existing interests are all just waiting to be untapped in you as well, I'm sure.

Making sobriety a priority in the beginning is very wise - as you develop a good program of recovery, I think you'll be amazed at how much it was worth the wait and effort.

We all know what we'd have if we go backwards. It is so worth it to put some things on hold - it doesn't have to mean never - just a day at a time - it's all we really have anyway.

Life does get better. Prepare to be amazed... Take care of you.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:20 PM
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I know of several bands who have all AA members.
Not famous ones....just people who enjoy playing together.
Yes....some do gigs where drinking happens.

Just saying.... ...this may come to you too down the road.

I quit drinking in April. I lived in a large apartment
house of all singles......you could always find someone to
party with.
that first summer....I gave up going to the rooftop pool.
I turned down invitations where I knew booze would be.

I felt so alone....but....that gave me time to work on my
new life and get solidly connected to AA friends.

My first home group was mainly other singles about my age.
We did all sorts of things as a group outside of meetings.
We had a blast and we stayed sober together...

By Christmas that year....I did start to go to parties
where alcohol was served. I often took an AA friend along
I went late....left early. I really found those parties
to be boring ...and stopped again.

The next summer....I went to the pool. This time it was
to swim and sun....not to hang out with drunks.

I'm thinking...."more is to be revealed" for you too.
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:05 AM
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Thanks for the posts. By 'normal' life I was referring to a life where you participate in 'normal' society ie- go to work, live in a house, abide by the law, legally drive, have a routine etcetc. Like what I do now.

If I drink then I could not have all this 'normal' life for long. Job would go, driving license would go, home would go, future plans would go. So for me I can not participate in 'life' and drink. The two just aren't compatible for me. Once I am drunk I don't want to ever sober up.

I think what I have experienced is typical of what a 20 something getting sober in UK experiences. That is why I haven't met anybody even close to my age regular at AA. Majority are probably 20 years older on average. At times sitting in a church on a Friday night when you can hear all the revellers outside is hard too. But it is what it is.

Unless you really priorities staying sober as No1 priority then you will eventually take that first drink. Happens time and time again I would imagine, espeically being young in England. You have to be willing to stay away from where everthing is going on. I do not wish to drink as I am an alcoholic and I have built a good life back up with a future that is looking promising. I have hope and am proud of what I have achieved in 8 months. That isn't to say at times I don't miss the craic of a banging party or just being surrounded by party people all off from work on a bank holiday though.


But this too shall pass as they say and it really isn't a problem. Just expressing what I am feeling at the moment. I guess I am doing what I need to as I recognise my thoughts and feelings but it is all normal for a recovering alcoholic, if it was easy everyone would be doing it!


Peace
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:51 AM
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Neo, it sounds like for where you are at time wise in sobriety you really have your head screwed on straight, keeping your sobriety #1 no matter what I too found is the key! Keep doing what you are doing now & moving forward in your journey.

There is no more music festivals for me this year, no camping holidays, no Friday/saturday nights on the wreck, no mad erands etcetcetc.
Neo I can tell you for me by taking the steps to heart & applying them to all areas of my daily life that I have no problems at all going places where drinking is going on, I go to wedding receptions, birthday parties, celebrate all the holidays with family and have no problems at all handling them.

There are promises tied to every step, I have found them to all having come true to one degree or another, as a result of the steps & my HP my drinking problem has been lifted. That is not to say that I just go on with life, there are things I do daily to maintain my spiritual fitness.

I can attest that most people I know in AA that have taken the steps & are applying them daily to all areas of thier life have had thier drinking problem lifted as well.

My experience has been that once I had done steps 4 & 5 my drinking problem was all but gone, applying all the steps to all areas of my life daily has resulted in me being able to live life fully doing what ever I wish, where ever I wish, with who ever I wish happily sober with only a rare fleeting thought of "Man that beer looks good!".

It sounds like you are doing what is best for you in early sobriety, with time & the steps things will get far better, concerts & even being in a band & doing gigs may very well be possible.

Before getting back into a band & doing gigs you may want to take a close look at your motives for doing so...... Is it the music you want or is it the whole deal that goes with it besides music?

BTW there are bands that are made up of all sober & clean folks that do gigs, some are folks in AA & some are not.

Once you are on solid ground with sobriety I would suggest that you seek out such bands, if you do so you will find them, they are out there.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:43 AM
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I'm with coffeenut too NEO. The longer I am sober the more "normal" I feel and I swear the things you do will be more fun and YOU will be able to do more because you'll be able to handle more.

When I read your posts I relate so much to them as for where I was at that time in my sobriety. I have done a lot of more fun things this past year because I've grown a little stronger in my sobriety. I used to not hit places at all that were serving alcohol because they just made me drool OR even the thought of going bummed me out or I thought "but I won't be able to drink, so what's the point?" Today I'm able to embrace it and go do more. NOT because I have this idea in my head that "oh, not me!!!" but because I own the fact that I can't pick up and I've also realized I can have just as much fun as everyone else drinking my mock-tails, water, coffee, I've had a blast with everyone else, really!!!!!

You'll get there NEO, I bet you'll even get to a point one day where you'll be back to your music. It is one day at a time but you are so on the path my friend and as I always say to you, YOU KICK @SS!!!!!!!
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:05 AM
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I think what I have experienced is typical of what a 20 something getting sober in UK experiences. That is why I haven't met anybody even close to my age regular at AA. Majority are probably 20 years older on average. At times sitting in a church on a Friday night when you can hear all the revellers outside is hard too. But it is what it is.




Peace[/QUOTE]

Hello My Friend- I really have always enjoyed your posts, and this was a great one. BTW today is my day two and I feel so proud and anxious.

Concerning the AA, the ones I went to when I had my head on straight last year, there was great diversity- 20 yrs to 70 yrs old peeps. I greatly respect both of those age groups and the bravery they have shown. The young ones in particular struck me, as when I was in my 20s I was in a touring band for many years, and was up to my neck in drugs and alcohol every day pretty much and no where near wanting to recover, completely oblivious what the long term results would turn out to be (the older AAers were obviously much more experienced and they were really great also). I guess my point is- are there any other groups you could go to if this one isn't the best for you? Probably a dumb question- but thought I would just throw that out there.

You are a strong person- keep up the great work and keep giving us all your insights- I very much appreciate you.
Peace
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:04 AM
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"I used to be proficient in music when I was younger (even younger than you). I can remember when I switched "streams" I told myself it would probably be better so that I stayed away from drug addiction. Meanwhile, I had never even had a drink before. Then look what happened. "

Just want to point out something for clarification. When I replied to Neo, I was being conversational by asking what he is doing with music if anything. Then I went into my own past involvement in music, which was very small, but at one time I thought that was "me" as far as careers go.

I hate to dissect the above, to spell it out, but I think I will so that there is no misinterpretation. Neo, and whoever is reading, I am not suggesting or worrying that you would relapse without music. I was sharing my different experience, which had irony within it. I had never tried any alcohol or anything but ended up an addict after switching gears and being away from music. In your experience, you are saying that you need to stay away from it FOR NOW, because that is what you have to do. And I like that decision because you do!

Have a good Fri and weekend.


I
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:01 AM
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Red face

Like Humblebee, I thought you sounded a little hard on yourself. So if I might make a suggestion...when you say you've "made your bed, now you must lie in it", please make sure that bed has the softest, cosiest sheets imaginable, a warm duvet, a remote control for your telly and stereo, plenty of hot tea and chocolates, and some great books. That bed can be the most wonderful place in the world if you want it to be.
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:34 PM
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Heylongdays..Maybe you should tone it down and show a little more respect to peoples beliefs and opinions..everybodys different an has there own ideals beliefs,programmes of dealing with there issues Here being an Alcohol forum, no Disrespect but you come across as some UK, wideboy who,s got it all sussed out! bored ,with a lot of Anger to Vent,
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:46 PM
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Iget yeh,i tried bein a smart a##e, here also it dosent wash.. Its good man you,ve gone
5 months drink Free..
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:01 PM
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Long, though I relate to where you are coming from, maybe read back on your posts today. I would say most everyone here is happy and having fun. We are not a glum lot! Your posts have indicated to me that you hate 99% of all people. We're here to help you if you want help. Being so resentful and full of fear sounds more like 'depressed are us', than sitting in a church and enjoying yourself on a Friday night in my opinion.
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