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Help understanding my problem

Old 02-26-2010, 11:30 AM
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Help understanding my problem

About 4 years ago I quit drinking for a year. Ever since that I have been able to go a few months at a time without it. But it keeps coming back.

About 3 times a year I go Manic. I eat like crazy, drink and smoke w33d. If I am not drinking or smoking I am eating. I do not drink and eat at the same time. Drinking and smoking come first. I spend money like it's water. I do not want to stop partying. It sucks because I work so hard to save money then I blow about a 3rd of my savings. It is good and bad. Normally I am really bad at socializing and when I go in to a manic state I always socialize better. Or so I think, I am not sure the other people like being around me. I am pretty sure I just end of making a fool of myself. I also feel a higher since of self worth. I embellish the truth when talking to others. I actually start to like myself again. I am able to forget about my stresses. I am a very judgement person to begin with. But when I become manic I become much more judgmental pretty much to the point where I think I am better then all my peers. I am always worried about death and I can not come to terms that everyone must die but when I go in to a manic state I am almost ok with it. I can only focus on something for a matter of minutes.

Please provide feed back. I need to quit drinking and smoking asap. I am pretty sure I am on the edge of stopping again. I know I have to fight the urges. It is like stopping smoking over and over. It have been drinking every day this month and I have spent all kinds of money and I have gained almost 20 pounds. Right now I do not feel as much stress and I am dealing with the problems of self hate. So at this given point in time I do not feel a huge yearn to drink but it is like I am talking myself in to drinking. but as the days goes on I am yearning for it more and more.
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Old 02-26-2010, 11:37 AM
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It sounds like you should talk to your dr about the manic episodes you are having.

And, I hope you can stop drinking today. We are here to support you.
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Old 02-26-2010, 11:51 AM
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You are looking for something more then what you have and your solution so far is temporary and self destructive. You say u like yourself more in your manic state but it can't be maintained indefinitely. So the problem seems to be how to be comfortable with who u r in your normal state. Growing comfortable in your own skin takes time but it is what u r looking for. The manic person u like better is not u and as you have observed, most likely other people don,t like that person as much as they like the true you.

Striving to be something we r not leads to a life of discontentment, frustration and disillusion. What you r really craving is already in u. Embrace and accept the real authentic you.
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Old 02-26-2010, 02:34 PM
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Hi coffeeclub

I agree with Anna and Dean - the manic state is not a normal one - and is quite self destructive by your account. I hope you'll seek some help.

There are better, more genuine ways for you to learn to like yourself.

I always hated myself - one of the great by products of not drinking anymore and working on facing my problems is I've grown to like myself - it's not dependent on drugs or alcohol - it's real.

For the first time in my life I'm happy and content.

I wish the same for you CoffeeClub - and IMO it all starts with stopping the self destruction and getting some help to stay that way.

D
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