humblestudent

Tomorrow is 60 days for me. My 20 yr. old son lives in another state, out of the house, going to school, etc. I finally got the courage to tell him yesterday. This was very hard for me, because to tell him that I quit, I had to, of course, admit to him out loud that I had a problem in the first place.

So, I started with the easy part first, telling him that I quit. He asked what brought me to that decision. I told him then that I realized that the way I drink/drank wasn't normal, and that I didn't want to live like that anymore.

He was so happy! He told me that he thought that I had a problem for a long time, and that he worried about me a lot growing up. He also told me though that he thought that I was so strong for realizing it, and just stopping the cycle. He was just so happy, and he kept telling me how proud he was of me. And I apologized to him for being hungover all those weekends. It was pretty gut wrenching. He said, "Mom, it's ok! I love you so much. You were a great mom. You made me the person I am, and I love you." This very wise young man told me to not dwell on the past, but to be proud of what I've done and look forward. (How did he get so smart!? LOL! )

This child, this young man is so kind it almost breaks my heart. Talking with him openly about it set something free in me. I still wish on a daily basis that I could turn back time, and I'm so sorry, so very very sorry that I wasted time so stupidly, and for so long. But I feel that telling him that I quit, and for nearly two whole months now, is letting me show him that I am serious about this, and acknowledging and owning the hurt I caused.

I was what I think you'd call a highly functioning alcoholic...so I thought I had it all together...work hard, play hard - that whole thing. And I was in denial myself, so I didn't really think anyone else knew for a long time. WRONG. He knew. But the outpouring of love and support from him was indescribable. He called me his best friend, telling me that I could always tell him anything.

God, it's so strange when what you've been putting in to them all these years starts coming back out just when you need it most.

I am so humbled by this beautiful human being that I have the privilege to call my son.

InsideOut

What a big step!! I am soooooooo happy that your son is so supportive! Good for you.....my children are also relieved/happy/proud! At times I feel they are my biggest cheerleaders!!!

Day 54 for me!!! Feels good!!!

Keep on keeping on, Humble!!

CAPTAINZING2000

grats on 60 days

Dee74

thanks for the great post HS
and congrats on everything else!
D

Omega10

Congratulations, both on 60 days, and on having the courage to tell your son and make amends!!!! Your post literally brought tears to my eyes!

This is such a great and inspiring post to read.

CarolD

Good news all the way around.....

humblestudent

Thank you, Omega...it's funny - I don't consider myself an AA person at all, but after I hung up the phone with my son, I felt somehow healed in a small way, and I think he must've felt validated as well...and I thought, "Ah...this is what making amends is all about..."

I think that taking steps (whether they are AA steps, or whatever other movement in a positive direction) to gain back our self respect helps in not wanting to drink anymore.

CAPTAINZING2000

Everyone knows we're an alcoholic long before we do !!!1

humblestudent

Yes...I think sometimes we're the last to truly know it.

Fubarcdn

Congrats on 60 days HS,
I know how you feel as I had a similar experience when I told my grown boys and had a similar reaction from them. I also apologized to them for any pain I may have caused and they forgave me too.
Now we have to be vigilant to never let then down again.

intention

Great post, thanks for sharing.

HumbleBee

Thank you for your post and congrats on 60 days!

You made me recall the first time I felt that awesome, calm feeling that surrender and acceptance brought.

There truly is strength in surrender and humility. I'm so happy for you.

Tazman53

Congrats on the 60 days. It is awesome when we come clean with those we love, eye openeing as well. I too made amends to all 6 of my kids and got nothing but love & support from them as well.

Making amends I have found is VERY freeing, especially when making amends to those who had no idea I had wronged them.

I have found that the truth has set me free, today I have no shame at all in admitting I am an alcoholic, a secret holds great power, but all that power is lost when it is no longer a secret.

Fandy

I appreciate your posts...although I'm only on sober day 9, I have told NO ONE about anything...(except Mr. Fandy who was asked to respect my privacy), none of my friends, family...of course I haven't seen anyone and probably won't until Easter....but I have been thinking about it....it is unthinkable for me to share my problems with anyone except for coming here.

there are a lot of similarities in our circumstances....I consider myself a "highly functioning alcoholic" too...but not so highly functioning the last 2 months....i went into a downward spiral during the holidays and found myself at the bottom of the well....i thought I was hiding it but i'm not so sure it wasn't visable.

humblestudent

Fandy - I didn't tell anyone at first either...you're very early in, and that's ok to keep it to yourself until you feel a bit more steady. I only told my son two days ago, and then my best friend of 19 years yesterday. For me, it was like admitting that I FAILED. But both of them were so incredibly happy and proud of me that I wished I told them sooner.

Also, it turns out, my son, and this very close friend of mine who is like a dear, close Aunt to him, had talked about my problem before in general terms. My son had expressed concern to her about it unbeknownst to me. So here I was thinking I had it SO together, and yeah...not so much.

It was good to get it on the table, but I was not able, ready, feeling strong enough to to it until day 59. So, don't be so hard on yourself. You're very early in.

Now - I'm not going to be taking out a full page ad on my Facebook page or anything - and talking about it THAT openly is unthinkable to me. But the people in my life who need to know, who deserve to know because they have experienced the consequences of my drinking...I'm telling those people.

I'm NOT telling my mom-in law or the rest of my h's family though. I just don't want to deal with that. They have no understanding AT ALL of addiction, I see them maybe, MAYBE once per year, and it's just not necessary to bare all to them, in my opinion...

Fandy

thanks again HS; one thing I've noticed is that my feelings are changing rapidly....one day I feel one way, the next morning i can do a complete 180. I am supposing this is part of the process of having a clear brain too.

I am impatient by nature, but am coming to realize that waiting and taking my time can be very beneficial to me also. i keep telling myself, "just give it another week before you fly off the handle and rip his lips off".....LOL

Stereosteveo

:day1

wichitalineman

Congratulations Humble!!

Great work on your 60 days!! We made it! Woo hoo! Congratulations on your discussion with your son. That is truly, truly amazing news to hear. It's beyond words to hear this great report 60 days in! You are an legend!

Keep it going strong in 2010, this is our year. Congrats again on everything, you've earned it all! Looking forward to more great reports throughout the year. Rock on!

Cheers!
//_wlx