Blogs


Notices

Day 1

Old 02-22-2010, 12:30 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 14
Day 1

Hello. After about seven years of heavy nightly drinking, I have, over the past several months, been increasingly conscious to the reality that yes, dude, you have a problem.

Maybe it was the time I woke up with a huge scrape on my forearm and a bruised hip, yet no idea of how it happened. Or maybe it was the time that I woke up to find that I seemingly mistook my trash can as a toilet. Or maybe it was me getting tired of waking up not remembering when I went to sleep. Or maybe I just got tired of feeling like crap until noon. Like everyone else I'm sure, the "maybes" are endless.

In the past month or so, however, things became a bit more clear. Bottom line, it ain't good. For anybody. As much fun as it is getting there, I hate who I am when I pass "there" and enter the Dark Side. Fortunately, the only person I have hurt is myself, as I'm self-employed, successful, live alone [yet have a serious GF], and contain this nonsense to the confines of my own home. I'd call myself a "good drunk" when in public, but behind doors it's a different story.

Three weeks ago I took a night off. Didn't sleep well, got the sweats. A week and a half ago I took two nights off, didn't sleep well, got the sweats. Even though I was tired the following mornings, I felt better than usual. But of course went back at it.

Yesterday was different. Or so I hope. I had dinner with friends on Saturday, and drank socially...until I got home. But as I poured my second glass of wine, I stopped. Why did I need more? It's midnight. Go to bed, man. For some reason I reasoned with myself, and went to bed.

Last night I watched the USA beat Canada in men's hockey. And I remember it. All of it. How rare. How awesome. Sure, I didn't sleep all that well, and had those night sweats again, but for some reason it felt good. And thanks to this forum and my own knowledge, I know that over time I'll get my sleep back. And I can't wait. Because I want it back. I want myself back. I'm 39. And I want to remember it all.

Thanks for reading if you did...tonight will be night 2, with strong hopes that that number keeps on climbing.

Good luck to all here, there, and beyond.

-MJ
mjohn is offline  
The Following 24 Users Say Thank You to mjohn For This Useful Post:
Alice11 (02-22-2010), Astro (02-22-2010), CAPTAINZING2000 (02-22-2010), dedubya (02-24-2010), DonaldS (02-23-2010), EllaBella (02-23-2010), Fandy (02-22-2010), Fubarcdn (02-22-2010), Hevyn (02-24-2010), humblestudent (02-23-2010), JigOvLife (02-27-2010), JimInTexas (02-24-2010), KenL (02-28-2010), least (02-23-2010), LegalLady (02-24-2010), MeAndOnlyMe (02-23-2010), NEOMARXIST (02-23-2010), northfork (02-22-2010), OZboy (02-22-2010), RedOneSix (02-22-2010), Roadr440 (02-23-2010), Toronto68 (02-23-2010), wichitalineman (03-01-2010), Wolfchild (02-22-2010)
Old 02-22-2010, 12:39 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 58,228
Hi and Welcome,

That's a great post!

YOu sound like you know you want to be sober for good. I'm glad that you are ready to begin recovery. Have you talked to your dr?
Anna is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 01:38 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
 
intention's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi MJ and welcome. You have made a good decision to quit.

Are you considering any program of recovery to help you stay quit?
intention is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 01:43 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 203,962
Blog Entries: 1
Welcome to SR mjohn.

I remember all the cuts and contusions, the illness, the guilt, the embarrassment...and the inexplicable picking up again....

this way is far far better

hope to see you around some more,
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 01:45 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Astro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 20,985
The good news is that you never have to live that way again if you have the desire to stay clean and sober.

Welcome, glad you're here!
Astro is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 01:52 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
mjohn, I'm not the most experienced (i'm only on Sober Day 7), but a lot of what you wrote mirrored my thoughts & experiences exactly. I've found tremendous support, guidance here and like you every day i feel better and better. welcome.
Fandy is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 01:57 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 14
Thanks to all for the warm welcome...always nice. Thankfully I have a sibling and a father who are both MD's [and of course their circle of MD friends], so I feel I am in good hands. As for any program, I must admit, at this point the only program I have is to quit and go from there. This is a very new, self-directed endeavor. Obviously that's just step one, so any dollops of wisdom or direction would of course be appreciated. I'm sure my MD family members will get involved with their 2 cents...

But I want this lifestyle change...so I intend to at least restructure how I spend my evenings. And life for that matter. I'm physically active [boxing], but perhaps I'll increase my gym time and "get out there" more as opposed to lurking in my home [my GF lives in LA, I'm east coast...for now].

But for the first time I feel differently about my attitude and approach. And I'm glad I landed here. It's very soothing to write and share with others.

MJ
mjohn is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to mjohn For This Useful Post:
chasinghappiness (02-24-2010), least (02-23-2010), Toronto68 (02-23-2010)
Old 02-22-2010, 02:04 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
 
intention's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi MJ,

The important thing is not to just make a decision to quit drinking, you have to take action to follow it through.

It's great what you are doing in terms of changing your lifestyle particularly around trigger times but for a lot of us with a problem with alcohol, this '"will-power" only lasts so long and then we are back to the drink.

I use the 12 step program of AA. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking us. AA allows us to tap into a power than our will-power which fails us.
Good luck.
intention is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to intention For This Useful Post:
Astro (02-22-2010), Tazman53 (02-24-2010)
Old 02-22-2010, 02:15 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 10
Welcome MJ. This site is simply amazing. I am on day 7 myself, but I have tried to quit many times. The best advice I can give you is don't rely on willpower alone. There will be a point when your willpower will 'trick' you into thinking that you can start drinking again and 'control' it. The first step IMO is to realize that you just can't drink, ever.
fightingaddict is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to fightingaddict For This Useful Post:
EllaBella (02-23-2010), LegalLady (02-24-2010), Tazman53 (02-24-2010)
Old 02-22-2010, 03:37 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
Mrs

Originally Posted by mjohn View Post
Hello. After about seven years of heavy nightly drinking, I have, over the past several months, been increasingly conscious to the reality that yes, dude, you have a problem.

Maybe it was the time I woke up with a huge scrape on my forearm and a bruised hip, yet no idea of how it happened. Or maybe it was the time that I woke up to find that I seemingly mistook my trash can as a toilet. Or maybe it was me getting tired of waking up not remembering when I went to sleep. Or maybe I just got tired of feeling like crap until noon. Like everyone else I'm sure, the "maybes" are endless.

In the past month or so, however, things became a bit more clear. Bottom line, it ain't good. For anybody. As much fun as it is getting there, I hate who I am when I pass "there" and enter the Dark Side. Fortunately, the only person I have hurt is myself, as I'm self-employed, successful, live alone [yet have a serious GF], and contain this nonsense to the confines of my own home. I'd call myself a "good drunk" when in public, but behind doors it's a different story.

Three weeks ago I took a night off. Didn't sleep well, got the sweats. A week and a half ago I took two nights off, didn't sleep well, got the sweats. Even though I was tired the following mornings, I felt better than usual. But of course went back at it.

Yesterday was different. Or so I hope. I had dinner with friends on Saturday, and drank socially...until I got home. But as I poured my second glass of wine, I stopped. Why did I need more? It's midnight. Go to bed, man. For some reason I reasoned with myself, and went to bed.

Last night I watched the USA beat Canada in men's hockey. And I remember it. All of it. How rare. How awesome. Sure, I didn't sleep all that well, and had those night sweats again, but for some reason it felt good. And thanks to this forum and my own knowledge, I know that over time I'll get my sleep back. And I can't wait. Because I want it back. I want myself back. I'm 39. And I want to remember it all.

Thanks for reading if you did...tonight will be night 2, with strong hopes that that number keeps on climbing.

Good luck to all here, there, and beyond.

-MJ
Wow! You sound just like me.
tribal1969 is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 07:34 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to know you are planning for a new lifestyle
I did just that and it's an awesome adventure....

I too was a blackout drinker ..they ceased immediately
once I finally quit drinking

All my best......Welcome to our recovery community...
CarolD is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 08:25 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Perpetually confused
 
RedOneSix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Southernwestern WI
Posts: 4
Great post!
RedOneSix is offline  
Old 02-23-2010, 05:59 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
Mrs

Well, I made it without drinking!! How did you do ?
tribal1969 is offline  
Old 02-23-2010, 06:04 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 96,310
Blog Entries: 32
Welcome to SR! Congrats on deciding to stop drinking. It will take some effort and changes on your part, but it's so worth the effort.
least is online now  
The Following User Says Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
Tazman53 (02-24-2010)
Old 02-23-2010, 06:40 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 14
Feeling good today, better even. Made it through the night with a tad more sleep and less sweats. Baby steps...
mjohn is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to mjohn For This Useful Post:
LegalLady (02-24-2010), MeAndOnlyMe (02-23-2010)
Old 02-23-2010, 07:04 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
AchilleysTendon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: michigan
Posts: 28
Welcome Mjohn!
I am also new to recovery, less than 2 weeks in... While there are tons of great people here with huge amounts of wisdom and knowledge I can't touch.
I can relate to your sleep issue. Two weeks ago (when i first quit) I was lucky if I slept 2 hours a night and I was hot as heck all night! I would toss and turn and yet wake up in the morning feeling somehow better... with only two hours sleep?!?!? Fast forward 2 weeks...I am sleeping better now than I can ever remember! Each night gets a little better, that much I know for sure! You can look forward to it.
AchilleysTendon is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to AchilleysTendon For This Useful Post:
Fandy (02-23-2010)
Old 02-23-2010, 10:36 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
Mrs

Originally Posted by mjohn View Post
Feeling good today, better even. Made it through the night with a tad more sleep and less sweats. Baby steps...
You encourage me because you remind me of myself.
GOOD LUCK TODAY !!
tribal1969 is offline  
Old 02-23-2010, 03:00 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 203,962
Blog Entries: 1
keep up the good work!

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
LegalLady (02-24-2010)
Old 02-23-2010, 04:54 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,585
Very cool, Mjohn. I concur with the desire to remember and to simply experience things without alcohol!
Toronto68 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Toronto68 For This Useful Post:
LegalLady (02-24-2010)
Old 02-24-2010, 05:06 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
Mrs

Hi Mjohn,
How did you do last night? I made it another night. Kinda feels good not to be either drunk or hungover and that's usally how it works for me. Going to work pretending nothing is wrong and feel like crap and moving like a snail.
But, still it was hard not to drink these last two days. Just make me feel so smart !!
tribal1969 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to tribal1969 For This Useful Post:
EllaBella (02-24-2010)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:44 AM.