coffeeclub

why the heck do I try convince myself that I want to drink when I really don't want to.

CAPTAINZING2000

One is too many and a thousand isn't enough. Alcoholic thinking is an obsession of the mind. I planned my life around my drink. Any social gathering , was there going to be drinks there? If, there wasn't any thing there to drink, how much should I bring?

My mind used to be my biggest enemy. We have to live in the solution or the problem will continue

gritgirl

cause you're an alcoholic. certainly true for me. my experience says drinking goes bad for me. yet i'm watching tv the other night and someone on the screen has a bottle of jack daniels in his hand. i don't even like jack daniels, but i'm thinking, "hmmm. that looks good. i should drink some."

ummm, what?

and then i think, after a bit, "yup, i'm a drunk. thank god i still go to AA meetings."

Anna

It's the addict mind trying to convince you.

Just let it go.

justanothrdrunk

Oh yeah, definitely. My brain lies to me all the time. Stupid alcoholic brain...

Toronto68

Coffee, it's part of addiction for some people. I don't notice it that frequently, but it has happened. And it varies. For some weird reason, I didn't have cravings, and I keep saying repeatedly that I think I have been lucky. I think I noticed that every 2 weeks that went by, things one way or another got better and easier.

Stereosteveo

Because you might be insane and not even know it?
Step 2: "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

At least that was my case. And I'm a fully functional, smart, independent, successful tough guy let me tell you. Or at least until it came to alcohol....

yeahgr8

I know what you mean, yep the word insanity makes sense for someone, like i used to, who knows that doing something is going to do them harm and does it anyway...there is so much BS around this word it is amazing, it does not mean that i was crazy as in howling at the moon just not all there in my thought process at all...

Looking back the funniest thing for me is the way i used to sit there on a day/night and try and stay away from drinking, the craving will pass etc and at that moment i would be thinking i dont know how 'normal' drinkers do this so easy, they obviously think oh i need a drink but its a work day so i won't...what a load of rubbish a 'normal' drinker doesn't ever think i need a drink, much less know what the hell a craving is lol Pure insanity for me and i couldn't see the woods for the tress until getting my ass down to AA and asking someone with years of sobriety and a happpy life, look mate how do you do it?

I think without going into alcoholism too much it was like me saying to a non-smoker who has never smoked wow i dont know how you dont crave a cigarette after a big meal...i mean its nuts, no, the comparison doesn't work?!

Houndheart

I do not have much time not drinking...but before when I would stop for say, a few days, a week maybe...and then the thought of having a drink would pop up...well, it honestly felt like there were two of me in there fighting over whether or not to have that first drink again. I guess that's the insanity? Feeling like there are two individual personlities in one brain? Having a fight with each other over whether to drink or not?

DanielP

On the surface it certainly looks insane, but dig a little dipper too. In my case drinking made me more social. The impulse to drink came from not wanting to feel so disconnected socially so I could meet women, have that bonding that goes along with heavy drinking with other people so inclined, or even with those who came along for the ride but didn't drink that much.

The ***** in the armor of that argument is, why did I also drink alone? I still think it was to have that "feeling" of being connected to the whole, even if no one was around.

I've since learned how to socialize sober and now know it much easier that way (drunk my social blunders didn't register). I happen to like "nightlife" and music and people, and now I enjoy it all much more--and I wake up feeling great.

Because my life is now clicking on nearly all fronts, and I enjoy what I'm doing, the idea of incapacitating myself would be absurd. It may be that alcohol took control of me because it numbed the fact that, for years (30) I wasn't really doing or performing the way I was meant to in life. Booze filled the void, eliminating the need for me to find what I truly wanted out of life.

I think if you fill yourself up with a good life, alcohol can't find a useful way in--there's no point to it, no gaps for it to fill. Booze is like a band-aid over our emotional wounds and perceived shortcomings. When you heal the wounds and clear up your thinking, there's no need for it. AA can help--I used (and use) Buddhism. You'll find your way if you stay sober and really, really do some soul searching. It's not hard, and progress is quick. There's a life of sanity ahead of you is you stick to it, and a sane world is a much better place to live in. And no, it's not boring--it's much more exciting "real".

alaskasunshine

Yes, exactly!! And the alcholic keeps saying, "its okay, this will be the last one you'll drink, tomorow you'll get sober"

Stereosteveo

That's right HH. The book is really straight foreword. So without quoting it, here's an 'interpretation' of what it finally meant to me: (And that's all it is, the best thing you can do is read the book for yourself and tell me what you think it's saying.)

Step 1: I can't ever drink again with any control, and I can't not drink.
Step 2: I can't keep from trying to figure out how to control it.

The insanity tells me there must be a way to control and enjoy it again somehow, even though my history abundantly confirms I've never been able to and it's killing me. At first the good times were so fun and powerful that I can't even see all the damage I'm doing trying to get back to a place that no longer exists. At some point we crossed the invisible line.

"Things are OK now, I bet I can drink again."
"Things are so bad, I may as well drink.."
"Etc...."

The "obsession" is just as bad or worse. Kind of the same thing, but even if I get convinced I can never drink safely again, I just can't quit thinking about it. I am obsessed with alcohol because it really is the only real relief and comfort I've ever known. If I could "just stop thinking about it", well....maybe I wouldn't be an alcoholic.

The good news is "There is A Solution", all we have to do is follow directions in "How it Works".

thirtybubba

Oh, yes, my brain tries to talk me into drinking every now and then... unfortunately it's pretty good at it sometimes.

WakeUp

I heard this said at an AA meeting.
When you make a decision to buy some alcohol and drink it, you're making a sober decision. When you do something stupid while drunk, you made a decision while impaired, but when you make a decision to pick up the first drink, that's a decision made in a sober state of mind.

We don't always have the power over what happens to us, but we have the power to choose how we respond to things. Whenever stimuli happens, there's a space, then there's the decision.
Stimuli=I want a drink
:::Put that space there:::
Decision=I will not pick up that drink

Stereosteveo

This the gift the 12-steps have given.

NEOMARXIST

Of course. You wouldn't be an alcoholic if it didn't!

If I keep spiritually fit on a daily basis however then I should be able to laugh at any 'whispers'.

A recovery programme is essential IMO or else you will just feel like a drink is the best option. Before I became a 'recovering' alcoholic then I would decide that I would have to get wasted as I couldn't stand the feeling of just being so irritable, restless and totally p*ssed-off. Something I knew a good sesh would soon put right.


peace.

alaskasunshine

Wow..it has happened so quickly. Here I am sitting getting ready for an awsome sober weekend with my son, a couple of meetings, carnival and fireworks tomorow night for our winter carnival...life is GOOD.
However, the voice is saying..do it...have a little this afternoon, no one will know.
And I heard this voice after I got an invite to lunch from a guy I have been chatting with for a few months now. He wants to meet me and the first thing I want to do is drink.
I have a b/f..sort of.. but our relationship is damaged, I think beyond repair...because of my drinking and his fear of commiting to an alcholic, as well as his pot smoking..although he finally quit when he lost his job over it. I am tired of waiting for him....
UGH..dont want to be alone..I know I am not alone... i have a great support system, friends in the program. But you know..companionship..intamacy, a man who treats me like a queen for a change. someone i can start a fresh relationship with.. no baggage..
uhhhhh...i dont want to drink. but i dont want to meet him sober.
help!

Dee74

hi AS

The addict part of you will use any rationalisation it can to make you use. Think of all the bad stuff drinking has put you through. Remember that it's not just a couple of drinks at lunch - it's opening the door to a return to all that stuff that made you want to quit in the first place.

Sounds like you have a few things to sort out in your life? The best chance you have of doing that is being sober.

Have a little patience with yourself - change is never easy, but it will pay off if you stick with the programme

D

least

My brain, the alcoholic part of it, often tries to talk me into getting a bottle of wine. My rational part of my brain tells the alcoholic part to 'take a long walk off a short pier'. I'm getting quite good at ignoring the alcoholic voice. The longer I'm sober, the easier it gets and the more I want to remain sober. My life is so much better sober and I do'nt want to mess up what I have now.

Fandy

I just took a very long look inside the fancy woven bathroom wastebasket (lined with a grocery bag always)....now WHY would I buy I fancy woven wastebasket and line it with an ugly Wegmans bag?.....because I was repeatedly sick in it...just 11 days ago, i told my stupid brain to remember how hard I was heaving for 5 days straight from withdrawal coupled with a GI virus..double whammy...my stomach muscles are still sore.
i thought i was going to lose my teeth.

if someone shows me a glass of wine, my brain should tell me to run away really fast.