Denial's dead
Beginner
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
Denial's dead
Came as close to the bottom as I hope I have to get--each swing down has gotten closer, and every time I've denied that it could actually happen much less get worse.
This time, I could finally see that I was out of control.
I'd gone to a psychologist for a session as a way to appease my wife and tried to moderate again, but after a week, that led into a 4 1/2 day bender with two of them black as night.
I give--I'm an alcoholic.
Spent an hour with the psychologist today, seven years sober herself, and went specifically to talk about how to make a good start in AA.
First meeting's tomorrow after work. I'm nervous, but she did a great job helping me get ready to be open minded, honest, and willing--requisites that make since to me.
I have concern over the higher power aspect but have a couple of books on the 12 steps and Buddhism as well as some good advice to help me find my own way into recovery.
Thanks to all here who share and support one another--this is a great space that is helping this beginner.
This time, I could finally see that I was out of control.
I'd gone to a psychologist for a session as a way to appease my wife and tried to moderate again, but after a week, that led into a 4 1/2 day bender with two of them black as night.
I give--I'm an alcoholic.
Spent an hour with the psychologist today, seven years sober herself, and went specifically to talk about how to make a good start in AA.
First meeting's tomorrow after work. I'm nervous, but she did a great job helping me get ready to be open minded, honest, and willing--requisites that make since to me.
I have concern over the higher power aspect but have a couple of books on the 12 steps and Buddhism as well as some good advice to help me find my own way into recovery.
Thanks to all here who share and support one another--this is a great space that is helping this beginner.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: State College, pa
Posts: 12
Welcome back,
I learned from my own relapse that my disease wants me to think that I've failed and I lost my recovery time. Recovery taught me that a relapse is an opportunity for me to make the changes i needed to make in my program. Recovery is a journey and this is part of yours. One step at a time. :ghug3
I learned from my own relapse that my disease wants me to think that I've failed and I lost my recovery time. Recovery taught me that a relapse is an opportunity for me to make the changes i needed to make in my program. Recovery is a journey and this is part of yours. One step at a time. :ghug3
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
seeker414 absolutely awesome!!!!
I have often wondered just how many more alcoholics would get & stay sober if they went to a psychologist, therapist, doctor, or psychiatrist that was a recovering alcoholic or addict? The reason I say that is because every single person in AA that I know that goes to a psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist that was a recovering alcoholic or addict who also has found thier own recovery from alcoholism in AA.
One of my daughters is a recovering anorexic and when she was in rehab IIOP I spent 3 weeks up in Baltimore, while she was in IIOP at Sheperd-Pratt I would attend 3 AA meetings every day right across the road from her rehab, 95% percent of the people in the AA meetings there were Doctors, psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist that worked at Shepherd-Pratt in their Alcohol & Drug detox & rehab centers there.
One of AA's traditions is that we do not promote AA, we instead use our recovery to attract fellow alcoholics into AA.
Spent an hour with the psychologist today, seven years sober herself, and went specifically to talk about how to make a good start in AA.
One of my daughters is a recovering anorexic and when she was in rehab IIOP I spent 3 weeks up in Baltimore, while she was in IIOP at Sheperd-Pratt I would attend 3 AA meetings every day right across the road from her rehab, 95% percent of the people in the AA meetings there were Doctors, psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist that worked at Shepherd-Pratt in their Alcohol & Drug detox & rehab centers there.
One of AA's traditions is that we do not promote AA, we instead use our recovery to attract fellow alcoholics into AA.
Beginner
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
I've been to four meetings in four days and have had four very different but helpful experiences.
The incredible part is hearing all of the similarities from such a diverse group of people. I have heard uncanny variations of my own story and learned from the sharing of both newcomers and those celebrating multiple years.
My past failures have come from doing it on my own. The fellowship and the structure give me hope that I have found a way to move from simply not drinking into real recovery this time.
Frankly, the steps make sense to me...largely due to how low this last low was. My nose brushed the bottom, and I don't need to feel my whole being crash to it--or through it to my end.
To any newcomers/guests thinking of trying an AA meeting, I would recommend giving it a fair chance. The following website really helped me before I went (just found it through Google):
Your First AA Meeting<
It helped with some of the nervousness and awkwardness I felt at first.
The "God thing" is still a concern, but I am staying open because I want what I see in the rooms I am spending time in daily. I'm also finding a perspective that dovetails what I have been studying/practicing for the past several years in the book One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps by Kevin Edward Griffin that I mentioned in my earlier post.
Of course, this community is helping immensely as well...thanks to all of you!
The incredible part is hearing all of the similarities from such a diverse group of people. I have heard uncanny variations of my own story and learned from the sharing of both newcomers and those celebrating multiple years.
My past failures have come from doing it on my own. The fellowship and the structure give me hope that I have found a way to move from simply not drinking into real recovery this time.
Frankly, the steps make sense to me...largely due to how low this last low was. My nose brushed the bottom, and I don't need to feel my whole being crash to it--or through it to my end.
To any newcomers/guests thinking of trying an AA meeting, I would recommend giving it a fair chance. The following website really helped me before I went (just found it through Google):
Your First AA Meeting<
It helped with some of the nervousness and awkwardness I felt at first.
The "God thing" is still a concern, but I am staying open because I want what I see in the rooms I am spending time in daily. I'm also finding a perspective that dovetails what I have been studying/practicing for the past several years in the book One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps by Kevin Edward Griffin that I mentioned in my earlier post.
Of course, this community is helping immensely as well...thanks to all of you!
HI seeker.. Just For Today
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 11
thank you
That's awesome, Seeker!!!
I just got sober 11 days ago. I called the AA helpline and got picked up and taken to a meeting just a couple hours later, still in a mental haze and enduring withdrawals I had never felt before. But every one of those 11 days, I made it to that same meeting. And now I can't imagine a day without it!
Just like you, I don't know about the whole "god thing" either. In reality I probably wouldn't know spirituality from a hole in the ground... But based on what I've learned even in the short time I've been attending my morning shades group, ALOT of people come into AA lacking any spiritual sense of self. They say its something that comes natural with time and practice, and I believe them. If thats what I need to continue to stay sober, then by god I will find it. Sounds like you're already a step ahead of me with the literature you've found. I may have to take a page from your book.
I also wanted to add that I think its AWESOME that you came and picked up from your old thread to update. I'm glad you did because our situations have alot in common and I thoroughly enjoyed this thread. Thank you, Seeker! Best wishes to you in recovery, and everything else!
I just got sober 11 days ago. I called the AA helpline and got picked up and taken to a meeting just a couple hours later, still in a mental haze and enduring withdrawals I had never felt before. But every one of those 11 days, I made it to that same meeting. And now I can't imagine a day without it!
Just like you, I don't know about the whole "god thing" either. In reality I probably wouldn't know spirituality from a hole in the ground... But based on what I've learned even in the short time I've been attending my morning shades group, ALOT of people come into AA lacking any spiritual sense of self. They say its something that comes natural with time and practice, and I believe them. If thats what I need to continue to stay sober, then by god I will find it. Sounds like you're already a step ahead of me with the literature you've found. I may have to take a page from your book.
I also wanted to add that I think its AWESOME that you came and picked up from your old thread to update. I'm glad you did because our situations have alot in common and I thoroughly enjoyed this thread. Thank you, Seeker! Best wishes to you in recovery, and everything else!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Western USA
Posts: 55
You might identify with speakers like Mark H. and Joe H., Seeker. Look for them at the xa-speakers.org site. Stop by the Step Study forum when you get a chance and share your experience with the work. Wishing you the best.
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Go Seeker!!
I'm so excited to hear you are going.
Man, if I've ever done anything right in life, it was that I kept going to at least one AA meeting a day.
Whether I felt like it or not.
Whether I liked it or not.
Whether I slipped or not.
Whether my arse fell off or not.....
I can promise you this: If you keep going to AA it will eventually ruin your drinking career.
I'm so excited to hear you are going.
Man, if I've ever done anything right in life, it was that I kept going to at least one AA meeting a day.
Whether I felt like it or not.
Whether I liked it or not.
Whether I slipped or not.
Whether my arse fell off or not.....
I can promise you this: If you keep going to AA it will eventually ruin your drinking career.
Beginner
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
Thanks again for the responses...
Today is a week sober and will be my 10th meeting in 10 days as well.
It's different this time because of the meetings...I don't know if I would have been willing and open previously, but I wish I'd given AA a chance earlier--so does my body I'm sure.
This weekend has been rough as I would expect because I tended to maintain with 8-10 on weeknights and then drink every waking moment from when I got home on Friday until I passed out Sunday night.
So the obsession was there Friday even before I left work. I used every skill and practice I know to keep my mind calm until it was time to leave for my meeting. It was my first to this particular group, and I think I will be returning there every week and perhaps making it my home group.
It was a great meeting, and I ended up talking to someone after for a bit and found that we were a good fit, so I asked him to be my sponsor and he accepted.
He's had a similar journey with the "God thing" and expressed interest in the Griffin book, so I think it will work out well for my working steps two and three--my hurdles.
Fitting in a meeting every day has been difficult schedule wise (keeps me from spending the time here that I'd like) but I think the 90 meetings in 90 days is essential for me to get past just not drinking into living sober and finally on to a good life in recovery.
I've been experimenting with the Kindle for PC and Blackberry apps, and I have the Big Book, One Breath at a Time, and The Miracle of Mindfulnes (Thich Nhat Hanh) with me at all times on my Blackberry which allows me to read anywhere anytime--it has really helped. One of the best side effects of sobriety has been my return to practicing mindfulness and the calm and peace it brings.
The key this time is that I know I need the 12 steps as much or more if I want to live.
Today is a week sober and will be my 10th meeting in 10 days as well.
It's different this time because of the meetings...I don't know if I would have been willing and open previously, but I wish I'd given AA a chance earlier--so does my body I'm sure.
This weekend has been rough as I would expect because I tended to maintain with 8-10 on weeknights and then drink every waking moment from when I got home on Friday until I passed out Sunday night.
So the obsession was there Friday even before I left work. I used every skill and practice I know to keep my mind calm until it was time to leave for my meeting. It was my first to this particular group, and I think I will be returning there every week and perhaps making it my home group.
It was a great meeting, and I ended up talking to someone after for a bit and found that we were a good fit, so I asked him to be my sponsor and he accepted.
He's had a similar journey with the "God thing" and expressed interest in the Griffin book, so I think it will work out well for my working steps two and three--my hurdles.
Fitting in a meeting every day has been difficult schedule wise (keeps me from spending the time here that I'd like) but I think the 90 meetings in 90 days is essential for me to get past just not drinking into living sober and finally on to a good life in recovery.
I've been experimenting with the Kindle for PC and Blackberry apps, and I have the Big Book, One Breath at a Time, and The Miracle of Mindfulnes (Thich Nhat Hanh) with me at all times on my Blackberry which allows me to read anywhere anytime--it has really helped. One of the best side effects of sobriety has been my return to practicing mindfulness and the calm and peace it brings.
The key this time is that I know I need the 12 steps as much or more if I want to live.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by seeker414 
Thanks again for the responses...
Today is a week sober and will be my 10th meeting in 10 days as well.
It's different this time because of the meetings...I don't know if I would have been willing and open previously, but I wish I'd given AA a chance earlier--so does my body I'm sure.
This weekend has been rough as I would expect because I tended to maintain with 8-10 on weeknights and then drink every waking moment from when I got home on Friday until I passed out Sunday night.
So the obsession was there Friday even before I left work. I used every skill and practice I know to keep my mind calm until it was time to leave for my meeting. It was my first to this particular group, and I think I will be returning there every week and perhaps making it my home group.
It was a great meeting, and I ended up talking to someone after for a bit and found that we were a good fit, so I asked him to be my sponsor and he accepted.
He's had a similar journey with the "God thing" and expressed interest in the Griffin book, so I think it will work out well for my working steps two and three--my hurdles.
Fitting in a meeting every day has been difficult schedule wise (keeps me from spending the time here that I'd like) but I think the 90 meetings in 90 days is essential for me to get past just not drinking into living sober and finally on to a good life in recovery.
I've been experimenting with the Kindle for PC and Blackberry apps, and I have the Big Book, One Breath at a Time, and The Miracle of Mindfulnes (Thich Nhat Hanh) with me at all times on my Blackberry which allows me to read anywhere anytime--it has really helped. One of the best side effects of sobriety has been my return to practicing mindfulness and the calm and peace it brings.
The key this time is that I know I need the 12 steps as much or more if I want to live.
Today is a week sober and will be my 10th meeting in 10 days as well.
It's different this time because of the meetings...I don't know if I would have been willing and open previously, but I wish I'd given AA a chance earlier--so does my body I'm sure.
This weekend has been rough as I would expect because I tended to maintain with 8-10 on weeknights and then drink every waking moment from when I got home on Friday until I passed out Sunday night.
So the obsession was there Friday even before I left work. I used every skill and practice I know to keep my mind calm until it was time to leave for my meeting. It was my first to this particular group, and I think I will be returning there every week and perhaps making it my home group.
It was a great meeting, and I ended up talking to someone after for a bit and found that we were a good fit, so I asked him to be my sponsor and he accepted.
He's had a similar journey with the "God thing" and expressed interest in the Griffin book, so I think it will work out well for my working steps two and three--my hurdles.
Fitting in a meeting every day has been difficult schedule wise (keeps me from spending the time here that I'd like) but I think the 90 meetings in 90 days is essential for me to get past just not drinking into living sober and finally on to a good life in recovery.
I've been experimenting with the Kindle for PC and Blackberry apps, and I have the Big Book, One Breath at a Time, and The Miracle of Mindfulnes (Thich Nhat Hanh) with me at all times on my Blackberry which allows me to read anywhere anytime--it has really helped. One of the best side effects of sobriety has been my return to practicing mindfulness and the calm and peace it brings.
The key this time is that I know I need the 12 steps as much or more if I want to live.
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