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Im so glad i found this place!

Old 02-18-2010, 05:25 PM
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Im so glad i found this place!

Hey everyone, my names Jay im a 26 year old man from the uk. Ive been drinking since i was 13 and have never gone longer than seven days without drinking. I always convinced myself that i didnt have a problem because i didnt drink everyday, ive come to realise thats not true. Over the years ive done some terrible things while drunk.
The problem is once i start drinking i cant stop till i pass out. It all came to a head on thursday, i went to a bar with a friend with the intention of having a couple of drinks, by the time we stopped drinking it was saturday. I woke up on saturday morning alone with **** stained trousers, my face had blood all over it (id obviously been hit) , i had no phone, no wallet, and to top it all i was in a completely different city. I sat on the train home and decided enough was enough.
When i woke up sunday i decided to start writing down all the terrible things i had done while drunk, all the fights id had, all the people id upset, all the money id wasted (i spent over 500 pounds on the recent drinking session, basically my mortgage money plus some) by the time id finished id wrote out 26 pages.
So since sunday i havent drank, ive changed my phone number and deleted my facebook so none of my buddys can get in touch, ive started praying regulary ( i havent prayed since i was 8 years old), and im trying to keep my mind focused on staying sober. THE PROBLEM IS my whole life since i was 13 has been based around drinking, when i was happy i drank, when i was celebrating i drank, when my favourite sports teams won i drank, when they lost i drank, when i was sad i drank, every bitrthday, christmas, new year, party ive been drunk, i was even hammered when i lost my virginity lol. Im scared to face a life that doesnt involve drink. Another problem is only my parents and me think i have a problem everyone else says im not an alcoholic, they say "but you dont drink every day" or "if you were an alcoholic you wouldnt have held a job for so long". Even my own mind tells me i dont have a problem sometimes.
I know i have a problem and i know i have to fight it, i hope and pray i can have your support
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Old 02-18-2010, 05:36 PM
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Hello, Jay. Quite a bit going on in your life, I'd have to say. You'll surely find quite a bit of support (and similar life stories) here in SR. Great people here.
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Old 02-18-2010, 05:44 PM
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Welcome to SR Jay.
Like you I started drinking in my early teens and didn't drink everyday and always had a job but unlike you I didn't finally realize that I had to give it up at 26 or 36 or 46.
I have a list of the bad things too.
As you progress in your sobriety try to remember how you feel right now. It is oh so easy to pick up again and waste another decade or two or three.
Good luck in your quest.
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Old 02-18-2010, 05:49 PM
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Hi Jay,

Welcome!

It sounds like you've made some big changes in your life that will really help you with your sobriety.

And, you know in your heart that your drinking is problem. The addict voice is telling you that it's not so bad in order to keep you hooked. And, it's normal to be scared to face life sober. I was so scared I didn't know how I could through an evening without drinking, but you can get through this, and we are here to support you.
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Old 02-18-2010, 05:53 PM
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Hi Jay, welcome...like you i am so glad i found this place (thankGodforGoogle is my new mantra).....I am only on Day 3, so my experience is minimal in sobriety.

but I have drank almost every day for 25? years. i have a job, I go to work, I referred to myself as a "functioning alcoholic". problem is it gets progressively worse, it takes over your life, your life revolves around drinking, it's not an accessory, it's the main event.

i think the people and the support here is tremendous, i wouldn't have made it the 3 days without it.
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Old 02-18-2010, 06:04 PM
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welcome to SR Jay
You'll find a wealth of encouragement here, mate

D
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Old 02-18-2010, 06:15 PM
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Hi Jay,

All the things of you were drunk on every happy event and people saying that you don't have a problem......I think that's a common story. Our alcoholic/addict brains are going to tell us we don't have a problem so that we do drink when we know better. That's the part that sucks.....we all know better than to have done the things that we have done. But that is the disease. It is a disease and that is so powerful. Maybe find an AA meeting to go to, they have saved my life. You meet new friends and talk about how screwed up we all are.

Welcome to our little family and keep coming back!
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Old 02-18-2010, 06:16 PM
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My god, Jay, you sound like the smartest man for 26 yo that I have listened to in a long time!

You know what you're talking about, forget what the others are saying about it not being every day. They don't know that it doesn't have to be every day, they're going by urban myths or "common knowledge," which is not fact.

You have my congratulations and support. Hope you will continue to be free of it. You have lots of caring and support here.
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Old 02-18-2010, 06:22 PM
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Welcome to SR! We're all here for the same reason: addiction. I know it seems hard to give it up but the rewards are so worth the effort. I love waking up feeling good instead of feeling sick as a dog each morning.

I'm no longer wasting money and time, nor am I taking risks. I've got my self respect, and the respect of my kids, back and it feels good.

You don't have to be a slave to something that makes you feel so bad. Stay sober one day at a time and your life will improve. I still have the same problems I used to have (except for not drinking now) but I can handle them a lot better sober. You can too.

There are lots of ways to stay sober, but whatever you do, do it like your life depends on it - cause it does.
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Old 02-18-2010, 10:22 PM
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Jay I am on day 4 and new to this as well. I drank for 14 years and I have tried quitting several times before, but this time I admit that I need more than willpower. This site is a start for me. Best of luck to you. I am struggling with the same feelings as you currently. Whatever emotion I was feeling, happy, sad, good or bad...it was all better when I drank. It was like my reward system I guess. That is the hardest part. This site is great and the people are the best that I have ever seen on any forum! This site gives me more hope than I have ever had.
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Old 02-19-2010, 12:35 AM
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welcome guys,

you will find lots of support here.. keep coming back
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Old 02-19-2010, 01:04 AM
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Hi Jay

your story is is just like mine (and many others it seems!) it is so nice to see older members and new ones alike interacting - none of my friends or family think I or my partner have a problem either probably because we drink about as much as them, we get drunk but not pass out/blackout drunk - our problem is we say we won't drink but end up doing it anyway and the way I think about it is if you can't keep a promise to yourself about something it must be a problem. Anyway best of luck!
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Old 02-19-2010, 02:27 PM
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Alright mate. I am 24 and got sober when I was 23. I was born and live in England.

I am a 'recovering' alcoholic. I too was a binge-drinker and can relate to the lost wallet, keys, stained clothes etc and not remembering what the hell happened. I used to passout on traffic roundabouts and get my head down for a bit in the bushes!! haha, used to be funny back in the day but then things got much darker and depressive and my alcoholism progressed. I too was a heavy binge-drinker when I gave up but alcoholism is progressive so if you're an alcoholic then eventually you will be drinking 24/7. Tramps don't start out that way usually!!

You sound like you have started off well by deleting all your phone no's and facebook page. Getting and crucially staying sober takes a total overhaul of your life to be honest mate. You have to place remaining sober as No1 priority above all else or else you will drink again. Sounds dramatic but if you're an alcoholic then without sobriety you may as well kiss goodbye to everything anyway.

What other people tell you is irrelevant mate as they won't be there when you are sitting in that police cell. I remember that well! Nobody wants to know you when you're down an out!

If you are an alcoholic then you need to accept that unless you change your thinking sufficiently then you will drink again. That is what 'recovery' programs such as AA are there for.

Alcoholism is as much a 'thinking' problem as it is a 'drinking' problem. SR is a great resource mate and there is much wisdom and support to be picked up from the good people who post.

If you can totally accept to your innermost self that you are not like the majority of people and that you're an alcoholic then you are half way there to remaining sober. It's a case of working on your psyche to change your attitute towards life and other people so that taking a drink doesn't cross your mind. Again the steps of AA can provide this.

This a daily reprieve that an alcoholic gets, so just take it one day at a time. "Just for today I will not drink". If you never take the first drink then you can't get drunk. That is why total acceptance of your alcoholism is essential if you're to have any chance of keeping sober, especially in UK with our drinking culture.

All The Best mate, Thanks for posting.
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Old 02-19-2010, 02:58 PM
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It would have been nice to be able to put thoughts to good use in my 20s the way you two young bucks did here, ha ha. Oh well, life is good now, and I know much better now why that is. I can say that I am an addict and cannot drink (must not) drink. Thanks.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:30 AM
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Thankyou so much to everyone who has replied to this thread, it means so much. I genuinley thought i would say my piece then this thread would disapear without reply. Its amazing to get such great support and advice from people i dont know, When all those around me in my life seem determined for me to carry on drinking.
Neomarxist you are so right when you say dont listen to people "because theyre not with you in the police cell", im on 7 days now which is the longest ive ever gone without drinking. This weekend is going to be hard but im gonna try and stay busy.
So thankyou to everyone for your kind words and hopefully ill be able to encourage some of you as well.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:51 AM
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Welcome to SR February. It does sound like your lifestyle will need to change dramatically in order for you to remain sober, but you certainly can make the necessary changes. You have already started in my opinion.

Don't fall for that sterotypical definition of alcoholic. It will allow you to keep drinking until you reach that point. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and so you can imagine what will happen if you just keep going. You will eventually lose things and you will start drinking every day. It will happen. Put the brakes on now and enjoy the life you were given. You can do it and SR will support you.
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Old 02-20-2010, 08:10 AM
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I am 50, been drinking for _Years_... Stopping Now at your age is SO much easier (even tho I know it does not feel like it), than 5-10-15... years from now. Take the step Now and stop Now, it is So much easier when you are young than you are middle, upper, aged... Your life is open before you with SO many opportunities!! Do not let alcohol lock you out of all of your infinite possibilities!! Stay strong!
..Mike
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Old 02-20-2010, 08:21 AM
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Hi Jay and welcome to SR.


Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
What other people tell you is irrelevant mate as they won't be there when you are sitting in that police cell. I remember that well! Nobody wants to know you when you're down an out!
What Neo says is so right. They also won't want to know if you can't pay your mortgage because you have spent it on a binge.

"Friends" or others who drink will often say that we don't have a problem. It could be for various reasons - they worry about their intake and what you stopping says about it, they're saying that to fit in with what someone else in the crowd is saying, they don't want to hurt you saying it to your face.......it's easier to say you have a problem behind your back.

Fact is you know you have a problem with alcoholic. I'm glad to hear you are praying. Have you considered going to AA? Many of us here live a happy sober life working the 12 Steps of AA. The 12 Step program helps you to tap into that power that you pray for - a Higher Power. Knowledgeable people in the program can show you how to do it.

Another advantage of AA is you make new friends.....people who don't drink and you can socialise with and replace all those old contacts. I would also go so far as saying that people I meet through AA are far nicer, kinder, caring, more generous that I have met anywhere else.......people I could truly call on in a time of need.

I hope you stay with us and keep sharing.
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Old 02-20-2010, 09:07 AM
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Keep psting.....thanks for joining us
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