Help....rock bottom
 

Yesterday I drank a bottle of whisky (which is not normal for me), a couple glasses of wine and a beer.

Today, on the way to the office, I had super withdrawals. Unmanageable ones. I almost passed out. I rushed to the nearest shop and grabbed a wine box.

I am now half way through my second bottle of wine for the day and worst still I'm drinking it in the office in a coffee mug. Its only lunchtime :(.

What happened to me, When did I become this mentally ill to put myself in this stage in the first place???

Some people say there is an invisible line, that once crossed, makes one an alcoholic. Maybe you've crossed that line? When you put a bottle of whiskey, wine and beer in your body in a relatively short period of time, and then abruptly stop, your body is going to complain about that. Have you considered taking some time off work and going to a professional detox/rehab?

Can't afford to take time off. Have so much to do. Am a lawyer. Too busy.

The invisible line? Think I crossed it years ago....

Hell, two bottles of wine and I'm not even drunk. Just a bit hazed. Pathetic.

You are where you are, who cares how you got there...you need to find someone who has done all this before, has been sober long time and emulate what they did...a perfectly logical route to follow:-)

It sounds to me like you can't afford NOT to take time off. What kind of work product can you produce if you are buzzed or hazed? I work for a fairly large law firm, and if your associates knew you were drinking at work, do you think they'd let you handle any cases? I really don't mean to sound harsh, but that could create a HUGE liability for the firm. If you are self-employed, you are doing your clients a real injustice. You may think you are handling the wine okay, but trust me, others around you will soon see a difference, if they haven't already.

I still think it's imperative that you get yourself straightened out. You are of no use to anyone at work if you're half drunk.

In my opinion, you need to put yourself first.

Your health is in jeopardy at this point, and it's far more important than anything else.

Please go to your dr or to an ER and take care of yourself.

I know, I'm just, I don't know, too far gone at the moment. I have been fighting for days to get off the stuff. However, it's either depression or withdrawals.

At least I thought I might enjoy the drink, but not even that is happening anymore. :(

But, due to my break up, I am miles from my doctor and I cannot tell my parents, who I am staying with for a few months, that I am in this state. I already let them down once three years ago. :(

Then, go to the nearest hospital and detox.

Your health is at risk.

thats what I'm trying to hold onto now as I start out on this journey, I just want to wake up in the morning and feel well

Elchupa... I'm not going to be a whole lot of help to you since I am only on Day 6 of being sober (after numerous attempts at quitting this past year) but I read your post and feel for you. It's a horrible feeling to be trapped in an addiction and not know how to get out. I felt that way last Saturday after a night of drinking way more than I thought I was capable of. I got scared and knew the madness had to end THAT INSTANT. So I stopped, that day, and got busy working on a plan for life -- how I am going to get my life back on track, etc. without alcohol. I read a book that has helped me tremendously, joined a recovery group (SMART), started picking up some of my hobbies again, etc. I am doing well.

Our situations are quite different because I was able to stop without physical withdrawals, but I wanted to give you my support along with the others here, who will offer more practical advice. There IS hope!!!

Ah, I feel for you, my friend. I have been exactly where you are now. The overwhelming panic in the morning, the mad obsession that could only be fixed by a few drinks. And those few drinks leading to many more. Then the shame, the hiding, the isolation.

I can tell you what worked for me at that point. Surrender. I called a guy in AA who talked about a spiritual solution as being the only hope for an alcoholic like me. He led me through the Steps, and within a few months, a vast change in my perception and reaction to life had occurred. I can't explain it, I don't really understand it, but it's kept me sober and happy for a long time since then. I've seen it work for countless others since then.

Sorry, but these are just cop out excuses. There is no reason for you not to get help. Drinking at work would, I assume, be reason for termination. Is it better that you get fired instead of taking time off to get well?

I'm gonna give some advice that may or may not be good. I was honest with my employer about my issue, and it almost ruined my life. My advice, keep personal problems 'hush, hush' at the workplace, and deal with everything outside of it.

I have been where you are and it sucks. The anxiety is so overwhelming.

Can you see a Dr. and then take about 5 days off of work? You need to detox and find a program of recovery.

You need to tell your parents since you live with them. Be honest about this and try to get through it.

Take care of yourself.

It sounds to me like you haven't reached 'rock bottom' yet or you'd be doing something to help yourself, not drinking wine in a coffee cup at work. I'm afraid for you, for what your 'rock bottom' might yet be. I don't know about you, but I'm afraid to find out how much lower drinking could take me so I stopped doing it.

Perhaps your firm has an "of counsel" that would better serve your clients while you attempt detox. The professional liability exposure it coupled with an employers liability and you may jeopardize both. It would be better to humble yourself now and seek of counsel, than to be called out and fired. The forum has plenty of healthy options for assisting you in locating a facility that is right for you.

ELCHUPA...maybe you need to come up with a viral illness or such to gain some time out,
give yourself a chance to pull yourself together..AS i know the stigma of comin clean to
your employer could have long term problems!! i know its a white lie,but you are ill, and
do need time out...AS YOU KNOW UK,drinking in the workplace instant dismissal with
long term blemish on character...And future reference...GOOD LUCK.

Along with termination, don't you think you could get your license revoked if someone found out you were practicing law drunk?

I agree with many above, please go to a detox center/doctor/hospital. Ask a trusted friend to drive you. Or your parents. I know it's shameful to show them where you are now, but they may well have noticed already, and be afraid of confronting you.

Honestly I wouldn't call it a rock bottom if it isn't propelling your butt into some sort of help. I would be fearful of what your real rock bottom might be, if you keep doing what you're doing.

Take care, I hope you get help while it's still an option.