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Old 02-16-2010, 09:33 AM
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Why is it...

Why is it that I was able to quit drinking throughout each of my 4 pregnancies and yet I cant quit for my own health??


I quit while pregnant and although I had some cravings and wished I could I never considered having a drink.

My health is not great due to my long term use of alcohol. Why the hell do i struggle so much with this, why isnt my own health enough of a motivator to quit but being pregnant was?

Im still trying...and still failing.
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Old 02-16-2010, 09:46 AM
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i know the feeling... i'm on my second try, no third, no fourth, etc, and i'm feeling pretty good right now; i quit for nine months before, and now i have the longest i've had since then (almost seven weeks) but, oh my god it is hard to stop and stay stopped. i wish i had something i could offer... i guess when you are really ready to, you will stop and stay stopped.
best wishes,

gg
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Old 02-16-2010, 09:58 AM
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The only way to quit it to quit for yourself you have to want sobriety for you. When one is pregnant it is relatively easy to say "I can't drink because I'm pregnant". Assuming you have 4 kids don't you want to be around when they are grown w/kids of their own? You have to believe that sobriety is attainable and work very hard to attain that.
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Old 02-16-2010, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
Assuming you have 4 kids don't you want to be around when they are grown w/kids of their own?

Of course, and if guilt and shame were enough to keep people sobor there wouldnt be anyone suffering from alcoholism.

Yes I want to be here for my kids, yes I want to be healthy, yes I feel remorse and shame and guilt, embarrassment, frustration, anger, hopelessness, etc etc etc...

IF ONLY it was the answer to my sobriety.


I have only today, I will try to set my sights on not drinking today. Again.
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Old 02-16-2010, 10:24 AM
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I tried and failed too many times to remember, but I never gave up. It is possible to get and stay sober, but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. I hope you can get the help you need to stay sober. It takes effort but the rewards are worth the effort.

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Old 02-16-2010, 10:55 AM
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Carrie,

I have no experience with being pregnant. However, I have a lot of experience with being unable to stop drinking when I had sufficiently good reason to do so. I also have a lot of experience with trying to deperately hold on to those brief times when I quit temporarily as evidence of an ability to control it.

AA's Big Book terms people who can quit or moderate when they have sufficiently good reason (like a warning from a doctor) as non alcoholic hard drinkers, even though they might be physically addicted. Although I didn't know it at the time, I desperately wanted to be a hard drinker. I hung on to the delusion almost to the grave that I could drink like normal people.

But the fact for me is, I am an alcoholic, not a hard drinker. I have lost the power of choice in drink. That meant, for me, the consequences, warnings, loss of family, job, crashed cars, locked in jail, were not sufficient to keep me from drinking. That meant, for me, there was never going to be a wake up call sufficient to get me to see the light and get my act together. That meant, for me, I had placed myself beyond human aid.

That is where it gets serious. That is where I couldn't seem to imagine life with or without booze. That is where I got to experience lonliness such as few do. That is truly the jumping off place. Convinced that I was a real alcoholic, I only had two choices. 'Go on to the bitter end blotting out the conciousness of my intolerable situation as best I could, or accept spiritual help.'

Paraphrases from AA BB 1st Ed.
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:08 PM
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Hi Carrie

I've always wondered why it is that happens too.

I hope Keith will forgive me appropriating from his post, but it would be absurd to suggest that only 'hard drinkers' get pregnant...clearly that's not the case, and clearly there's something going on that's stronger even than the alcoholics drive to drink.

I figure a mothers love is a good enough explanation for me.

From this side of the fence, I think the answer lies in tapping into that love...for ourselves,

Whatever it takes - 12 steps, CBT, counselling, spirituality - do it Carrie

D
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:11 PM
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Carrie,

For me, it was simple.

I didn't like myself at all, so I was quite happy to poison my body and I did so for a few years. Clearly, if I had liked/loved myself I would not have been able to continue doing that. Maybe it was easier to stop drinking for the children you were carrying, than it is to stop for yourself. Believe that you are worth it!
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
but it would be absurd to suggest that only 'hard drinkers' get pregnant...
Yeah, LOL, I was speaking more to the 'why isn't my own health sufficient reason' part. I have seen some, by the Big Book, full blown alkies stay sober while pregnant. Only to go back to it after the birth.
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:41 PM
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From one mom to another, it's simply, really. We care about everyone and everything - except OURSELVES. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We are not bad people, and we know that we could never forgive ourselves if we hurt our unborn children. Personally, I couldn't wait for either of my pregnancies to be over (the second one moreso than the first, as my disease had progressed by that time) so I could hit the bottle again. I never dared to breastfeed my babies; I knew my milk was no good for them. As crazy as this sounds, I have gotten pregnant thinking that it was a way out of my alcoholism. Surely if I was unable to drink for nine months, there would be no reason to go back to it. Sadly, it is not so. It always comes down to the same thing. We can't quit for anyone except ourselves.
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Old 02-16-2010, 07:05 PM
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thanks for all of your replies, very insightful. I too had the crazy notion with my last pregancy that it would solve my alcoholism. After making promises to myself and to God that all i need to do is be pregnant again and I can quit after that with 9 months of forced sobriety. I lasted about 6 weeks after I had the baby before i picked up a drink and havent stopped for another 2 years now.

Broken promises to not only yourself but God...thats some heavy guilt.

Well I am finished having my children now...so looks like im going to have to come at this with a different approach. Its really hard isnt it?
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Old 02-16-2010, 08:57 PM
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Yeah....it really is hard. You can't 'solve' alcoholism.

You can do this, Carrie. You must want it more than you want any other thing in the world. You must. And, when you do it....it's like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Things really do look differently.

Life is livable sober. I just can't put into words how awesome sobriety feels. I so wish I could have done it when my kids were small.
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Old 02-16-2010, 09:01 PM
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does the guilt ever get easier? Wishing you had doen it when the kids were small...?
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