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Can an alcoholic ever drink again in moderation?

Old 02-12-2010, 11:44 PM
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Welcome to SR soap

If you want to try and quit, and stay quit - you're in the right place
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Old 02-13-2010, 01:29 AM
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i can get easily addicted at almost everything...

There will never be moderation for me, and im starting to feel comfortable with that fact..
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Old 02-13-2010, 02:50 AM
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Alcoholism is a progressive disease. While arrested it does not stop progressing. I would not support your picking up.

That fact that you may want to speaks volumes....that is not social thinking or social drinking.
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Old 02-13-2010, 03:33 AM
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Welcome to SR DR1 and soap.
I did most of my drinking out in social situations, mostly at bars.
The question you pose DR1, to me is the $million question.
I have not tried it and at this point I am not willing to risk it because I have too much to lose and not enough to gain so I can't speak from experience.
Good luck to you. I would think long and hard before I made what could be a life changing decision.
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Old 02-13-2010, 05:29 AM
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IMO - once you start having to think about controlling your drinking, you've already lost control.
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Old 02-13-2010, 06:25 AM
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I tried many times to moderate my drinking. It never worked. I was always back to drinking too much and always felt much worse after each 'moderation attempt', and the withdrawals got much worse each time.

I too crossed that invisible line and there's no going back now. I don't want to go back, too much misery and danger in drinking. I've had my fill of misery and sickness and risk. I'm not going to 'test the waters' again.
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Old 02-13-2010, 08:17 AM
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Hey guys,

Thank you for all of your replies, I was (happily) surprised that my thread generated so much feedback. Now, where do I start! There are so many good opinions and stories here, that I feel that I should acknowledge each of them.

Anna – I’ve heard of that ‘invisible line’ before, and I believe that you’re right.

Suki44883 – I suppose that it was a little naïve of me to come to a forum such as this and expect people to tell me “sure, go ahead, dive back in, sounds like you’ll be fine!”. I made the thread on a Friday night where I was, once again, sitting home alone without too much to do.

I do take part in other activities that do not involve alcohol, but I guess it’s just those fond memories I have of many years ago of being out a bar with friends, and having a bit of a buzz, and having lots of laughs, just like ‘old times’. I think part of it is me wanting to recapture a bit of the good times of my youth, and hoping that was still possible.

But I certainly realize that I can find other ways to accomplish that besides drinking, and you’re right, it is a bad idea overall.

Sugah – I also tried to control my drinking with weed, and to be honest, I think that weed actually helped me a little bit from drinking more than I did. I would start drinking, and then throughout the course of the night I would smoke a few, and that really seemed to “dull me down”, for lack of a better phrase. If it wasn’t for that, I would probably have drank a lot more, because the weed always slowed my drinking right down.

MeAndOnlyMe – I think that I will try to go out occasionally and just have a bottle of water in my hand rather than a drink. I do other things that are social and not alcohol related, but this was just something that I have thought about off and on for the last year, and was interested in some feedback from others who were in a similar situation.

Nocoincidence56 – Thank you, and I know what you mean about how my thoughts can hint at not having fully accepted the fact that I can’t drink. It’s been long enough now that I’m not really experiencing any ‘cravings’ or anything like that, but I’d be lying if I said that part of me wouldn’t like to be back at the bars “like the old days”. But after reading these replies I know that is not a reality for me anymore.

GeeQ – I know what you mean, if I did do it, sure, I may be the happy ‘social’ person while I was out and drinking, but I agree that once I came home I’d be the same sad person who realizes he has a problem, and that would far outweigh any short-term ‘fun’ that I might have while I was out.

Dee74 – Yeah, that’s how it was for me too, eventually I forgot about going out, and turned it into a solo party. It’s the same with me, these last 2 ½ years have been great, and I think that’s what has somewhat given me a false sense of confidence that I may be able to handle it again.

24hrsAday – I had a couple of periods where I briefly stopped too, and sure enough, it didn’t take long before things went right back to how it was before. I had all the best intentions, but I found myself right back where I started from again.

Yeahgr8 – I agree that doing this would most likely take me down a path that I would seriously regret. Like I said in my reply to someone else, I think it’s the false sense of confidence I’ve got from being sober for a few years that sometimes makes me think that “I beat it”, and could give it another go.

But I’d be more than happy to answer any questions regarding my drinking or how/why I stopped and what I did.

CaptainZing2000 – You’re right, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that either!

Barb dwyer – Sometimes a simple and straight to the point answer is quite effective! Thanks!

Hevyn – I know what you mean, I struggled with it for about 3 years until I finally “gave up” and decided that I had to quit for good. I wanted so much to keep it under control, but each time I cut back, or changed routine somehow, it inevitably led me back to where I started.

Boleo – I believe that you’re right, it is progressive, and no amount of time changes that once you’ve crossed that invisible line that was brought up earlier.

Spawn – I agree, and I think that the lid will remain closed!

North – Thanks, and I know all about those ‘controlled drinking experiments’. I tried a lot of them in the last couple of years in a desperate struggle to try to get my drinking back under control. And the end result, of course, was that they all failed. And I agree, the odds would be severely stacked against me, and you’re exactly right, the penalty for being wrong is awfully steep.

Sailorjohn – Thanks for the welcome.

Soap – You’re right, our stories do sound very similar. And I used to have all kinds of “rules” like you described too, and none of them worked for any length of time for me either. After some time, it was all too apparent what had to be done. I really hope you stick around the forums, or take other steps that you need to put the bottle down. It sounds like by just coming here and telling me what you did that you’ve put one foot forward in the right direction. Keep it up, because there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Coming clean – I hear you, I have a fairly addictive personality too, and I’m really coming to terms with that now more than ever.

Slag – I agree, I can take my questioning as an indication that even though its been a few years, there is still an addiction hiding just beneath the surface. But it’s been very helpful to read all these replies to assist me in realizing it.

Fubarcdn – I agree completely, at this point there is far too much to lose by trying it, and very little to gain by comparison.

HumbleBee – I agree that even thinking about it indicates that there still is an addiction there, but I wouldn’t consider myself as already lost control until the time I physically picked up the bottle and taken a sip. This is just something that I’ve pondered over the last year and wondered whether it’s possible for an alcoholic to ever return to ‘normal’ drinking. But I’m certainly glad that I came here, and all of these replies have been very helpful.

Least – I too tried to moderate my drinking several times with little ‘rules’ etc and it always led back to the same thing. But I remember just how horrible it was during the worst times, and just thinking back about that now makes me almost shudder – I really don’t want to have to deal with that again. Even though my life isn’t a bed of roses right now, but it is leaps and bounds better overall than it used to be.

Again, I want to thank everyone for all of their replies, it’s been a big help and also an eye opener for me to hear what you guys have to say. Like I said before, if anyone had any questions or any more comments, I’d love to hear them, and I’m sure I’ll stick around the forums, even though I’ve always been more of a reader/lurker when it comes to online forums.
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:05 AM
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Yeah, I was a 'social' drinker, too.

You drink....'so shall' I.

You say you are shy by nature and don't go out much and your social life has suffered since abstinance. I could be wrong, but I get the feeling it sounds as if you haven't gotten 'out' to that many meetings as well.
And hanging out in bars with a bottle of water isn't exactly the healthiest environment to be in to socialize.
Hang out in a barbershop long enough, and you're bound to get a haircut in time. When yer in a bar and yer unexpectedly upset, see if you order a 'water'!

And if you truly read the AA Big Book, you would have found the answers you seek. If you ask yourself honestly, whether you really think taking another drink would not have the same negative results as they had before, you would come to realize the meaning of insanity, believing that doing the same thing over and over would have different results than the last time.

If you wish to take the test the book suggests, then go out and try some more controlled drinking. See if you
can stop on your own following that for a couple of weeks. But I think you already know the answer to that.

Some of us will pursue the ultimate illusion to our deaths that we can once again control our drinking. And one of my most despised adages I hear in AA is, 'some of us have to go out and 'die', so some of us can stay and live.

You've got over two years clean now. Some people remain sober 'around' the program and the steps'. It makes a world of difference when one gets sober 'in' the program. Stick with the winners. Get a sponsor. Go to live meetings. Do what works for others. Or learn what doesn't work, like so many have had to before you.

There are those who learn from their own mistakes; those who learn from others (God Bless them); and sadly, those who just never learn at all.

There is a reason they call it alcohol-IS-m....
not alcohol-WAS-m. Good luck to you in whatever choice you decide to make.

btw....I was 36 when I got sober. I am now 58. Of course, you can always come back when yer older. "Some" of us will still be here.
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:39 AM
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I am so glad this question was posted because the same thoughts were going through my mind last night. We were watching tv last night my bf and I. and i am seeing all of these outgoing people and there upbeat personalities....and I am like I was usually only like that if I had a few drinks with friends and then I couldn't stop and just enjoy it...I had to keep drinking til I was wasted. but yet when my bf and I have had date night and gone out to dinner I have been able to just have one or two glasses of wine...and that was it. It seems like for me it's the pressure of influences around me , so I have already decided to stay away from the those influences - certain people.....
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Old 02-13-2010, 10:07 AM
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Hi and welcome.


Alcohol is "cunning, baffling and powerful" and it will do anything and everything to trick us back into drinking again. It's very patient too. It will wait years for its opportunity.

Fact - alcoholism is a progressive disease, even when you are abstinant. It you go back to drinking in a short time you will be far worse off than than when you quit.

People who stay sober for a long time usually have a program of recovery to keep them sober. AA works for a lot of people. Regular meetings and hearing the stories of newcomers talk about what their last drunk was like while it is still fresh in the mind reminds the person with years of sobriety how bad it really was. You see, alcohol will trick you into believing that it was not that bad.

Do you work a program?
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Old 02-13-2010, 11:00 AM
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Old 02-13-2010, 12:28 PM
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Soap & DRI - I'm with you on the shyness thing. Alcohol seemed like a magic fix for me back in the day. It took the edge off my social anxiety & self-consciousness. As you mentioned, DRI - you are trying to recapture the old times with your friends when drinking was still fun and relaxing. How I tried to return to those euphoric days - and kept on trying to find them into my 50's. I learned that they were never coming back & I was turning my life into a living hell trying to find them. Insisting that I could use willpower to have "a few" was almost fatal for me.

With shyness - the only way to make it better is to keep practicing being around people. Drinking only masks your insecurities and self-consciousness. I was still me when I sobered up - and drinking to numb myself kept me at square one. I never grew or matured the way I should have. I'm having to catch up now, discovering who I'm meant to be - without my crutch. Life doesn't have to turn out that way for you.
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Old 02-13-2010, 03:51 PM
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I've never gone to one of those meetings before. About 2 years before I quit, I called the hotline just to inquire about it, but I didn't end up following through with it.

For me, I just decided to quit one day, and I didn't look back. I never experienced any of the withdrawals that I read about, and I found that once I made up my mind, stopping wasn't that hard, as ridiculous as that sounds, because I struggled with quitting for about 3 years before I finally quit.

I just replied to another thread where a poster was saying that just being at an AA meeting made her want to drink even more when she got home. And I have to admit, since I've read this forum over the last 2 days since I made this thread, it's had an odd effect on me.

For whatever reason, I've been thinking about it much more over the last 2 days, and it's left a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, for lack of a better explanation. So I was wondering if AA meeting are for everyone? Because so far it seems like the more I read about drinking and think about it, the harder it is to just put it out of my mind.

My initial question about whether an alcoholic can ever return to 'regular' drinking was a question that I had been pondering for around a year, but it was just something I was curious about, but I have never been even close to going to the liquor store though.

Perhaps part of me is still in denial about whether I was a "real" alcoholic or not. But, of course I was, because I was a heavy drinker for about 5 years, and before that I would be described as a weekend binge drinker.

Once I started to drink alone, I didn't drink every day, but on average, if you looked at the year as a whole, it was probably around 4-5 days a week. I know it was a serious problem, because for 3 of those years I wanted to quit, but I just never did. I had 2 or 3 periods where I quit for around a month, but I ended up going back to it.

But like I said, once I finally decided to quit, it was sort of strange how 'easy' it seemed to me. I do admit that I was in sort of 'shock', because I just sat there in front of my computer with my music on each night doing exactly the same thing as I always did, just without the alcohol.
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Old 02-13-2010, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by DRI View Post

I just replied to another thread where a poster was saying that just being at an AA meeting made her want to drink even more when she got home.

So I was wondering if AA meeting are for everyone?
And my guess is, it is a poster who has probably only attended perhaps one or two AA meetings. I have met many people who tell me they 'tried' AA. And when I asked them how many meetings they went to, they tell me about six in a year. Hate to say it, but that is not exactly 'trying' anything. That's why they suggest 90 meetings in 90 days, or at least attend 'enough' meetings to decide for yourself if it is for you.

No, AA is not for everyone perhaps. But neither is sobriety. It certainly is not for wimps either. Realize, it is a 'thinking' problem, not really a 'drinking' problem anyway. It was our 'best' thinking that got us where we did. And it is our thinking that has to change. Not just our drinking needs to stop.

As they say, 'the same man will drink again.'

So, your choice. You can listen to a poster who applied contempt prior to true investigation in even giving AA a chance, and abandon AA as an opt because of one person's probable predisposed negativity, or you can listen to the hundreds more on this forum alone who have applied AA in their lives who can give true and honest testimony regarding the positive results in their lives.

Again, the best to you.
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Old 02-13-2010, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Nyte Byrd View Post

Again, the best to you.
Thank you for your help, I appreciate it.
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Old 02-13-2010, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by DRI View Post
For me, I just decided to quit one day, and I didn't look back.
The quitting isn't necessarily the hard part. It's the staying quit. It's moments like these. I needed to apply something bigger to my problem or I found that the train kept bringing me back to the station where I started, making several stops that looked like where you're at now.

Originally Posted by Nyte Byrd View Post
As they say, 'the same man will drink again.'
Indeed.

There's a bit of a chicken/egg thing going on when you mention your thoughts of drinking alongside your time spent here and reading more about it. For me, quitting was (in the past) like burying a drum of toxic waste. It didn't matter how deep I put it -- eventually what I was trying to get rid of made it's way back into my environment. My thoughts. Little ideas.

In regards to AA, I would suggest getting the experience first hand.
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Old 02-13-2010, 06:23 PM
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I am totally with you. I joined this group and managed 10 days off (the longest in nearly 3 years) then I thought, oh see it's easy. So I drank on Thursday night. Just cos going out etc etc. Then again Sat. You see the pattern. So now I have to start again, but I haven't managed what you have - don't throw it away. And I'll try not to either Good luck!
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Old 02-14-2010, 05:17 AM
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Originally Posted by DRI View Post
I just replied to another thread where a poster was saying that just being at an AA meeting made her want to drink even more when she got home. And I have to admit, since I've read this forum over the last 2 days since I made this thread, it's had an odd effect on me.

For whatever reason, I've been thinking about it much more over the last 2 days, and it's left a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, for lack of a better explanation. So I was wondering if AA meeting are for everyone? Because so far it seems like the more I read about drinking and think about it, the harder it is to just put it out of my mind.
Alcoholism is the big liar. It's forever creating an illusion about your life which enables you to continue to feed it its drug.

If you are an alcoholic then you are either drinking, thinking about drinking or thinking about not drinking. Whichever of the three, the one constant is drinking or alcohol.

So to think that by going to an AA meeting or reading here on SR conjures up a thought in your head about "alcohol" which you would never have thought otherwise, is a big lie.

Alcohol is "cunning, baffling and powerful" and will do anything and everything to trick you into drinking.

If AA meetings caused people to drink who wouldn't want to if they hadn't gone, then AA would have died out a long time ago because everyone would be in the bars or at home getting drunk.

Take care. Keep coming back.
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Old 02-14-2010, 07:51 AM
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If alcoholics could drink in moderation, there would be no need for AA, Smart, SR....
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Old 02-14-2010, 08:21 AM
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Done that many times

I've hit 100 days a couple of times now and thought - well, maybe just once... well, maybe just wine... once a month? Saturdays only? On my birthday?
I try to ease back in and within a week I'm back to 1/3 of a fifth of vodka a night. I'm running out of options and starting to get into my head that for me there's no halfway measure, but I'm still fighting it and mourning it, too.
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