Newbie
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Angharad,
You are doing well. The obsession to drink alcohol is overwhelming for an alcoholic. I never lasted long fighting the urge to drink. A few weeks was my usual, 6 weeks was the most that I did one time.
There are many promises in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the one that I really wanted when I finally surrendered and gave up drinking. It is promised when we reach Step 10. Having the obsession to drink alcohol removed is an amazing experience and it can be obtained through working the Steps. That's a promise (from p84)
Originally Posted by angharad 
I still think about alcohol namely vodka EVERY day ide probably say every hour if im honest 
You are doing well. The obsession to drink alcohol is overwhelming for an alcoholic. I never lasted long fighting the urge to drink. A few weeks was my usual, 6 weeks was the most that I did one time.
There are many promises in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the one that I really wanted when I finally surrendered and gave up drinking. It is promised when we reach Step 10. Having the obsession to drink alcohol removed is an amazing experience and it can be obtained through working the Steps. That's a promise (from p84)
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in alcohol. If tempted, we will recoil from it as from a hot flame.
We will react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.
We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
We will react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.
We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Hi Ang
congrats on your 18 days
Keep posting here - and keep hitting those meetings - keep the numbers handy...
if I have any advice it's to not rely on your stubborness alone...simply resisting the urge can get really exhausting and all it takes is a moment of weakness.
Always have an escape plan, and a what to do in an emergency plan...and I agree with Neo - don't push the going out envelope too hard too soon...
D
congrats on your 18 days
Keep posting here - and keep hitting those meetings - keep the numbers handy...
if I have any advice it's to not rely on your stubborness alone...simply resisting the urge can get really exhausting and all it takes is a moment of weakness.
Always have an escape plan, and a what to do in an emergency plan...and I agree with Neo - don't push the going out envelope too hard too soon...
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South England
Posts: 118
Yea I Agree - to be honest I hardly ever go out; it just so happens that the last weekend had a social occasion that had been booked for 6 weeks - it was my work leaving doo as i've started a new job so I kinda HAD to go cuz it was for me But no more nights out planned for the foreseable future
Thanks guys for all ur support.
Night Night
But no more nights out planned for the foreseable future Thanks guys for all ur support.
Night Night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South England
Posts: 118
So a Day 19 slip up today... I walked down the alcohol isle in the supermarket just found myself wandering there browsing... :S I didn't buy anything but doesn't stop the fact that before today I had avoided that isle :S Stressfull day at work too. I am the specialist health visitor (children;s nurse) for Teenage parents for a city down South and today I met a 15 year old who had been a heroin addict since 12 and was now on methadone.... it ripped my heart to shreds and i felt so sorry for her :/she was dealing with greater demons than me and with a 1 year old as well. Made me feel pitiful and ashamed to be honest. Back to my herbal tea i go, feels good to share
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
As long as you don't take that first drink then your doing OK.
I avoid the booze isle when I am in supermarkets and just walk on by past the crates at the front of the store. I have no desire to drink booze or take drugs of any kind anymore but I still keep away from having it in my face. It is poison to me.
Yes it can be heartbreaking to see how people suffer so much in life, especially other alcoholics/addicts who have it so tough... BUT just keep reminding yourself that everyones situations/life-chances are different but you are still an alcoholic/addict. Use your more fortunate situation to your advantage rather than a negative... They would undoubtably tell you to do that too.
Thanks for posting!
peace and Love xxx
Nice one on 19 days, keep sharing and you are right it does feel good to share where you're at. It will help you stay sober.
I avoid the booze isle when I am in supermarkets and just walk on by past the crates at the front of the store. I have no desire to drink booze or take drugs of any kind anymore but I still keep away from having it in my face. It is poison to me.
Yes it can be heartbreaking to see how people suffer so much in life, especially other alcoholics/addicts who have it so tough... BUT just keep reminding yourself that everyones situations/life-chances are different but you are still an alcoholic/addict. Use your more fortunate situation to your advantage rather than a negative... They would undoubtably tell you to do that too.
Thanks for posting!
peace and Love xxx
Nice one on 19 days, keep sharing and you are right it does feel good to share where you're at. It will help you stay sober.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Angharad, it does feel good to share......I can imagine it must be very difficult seeing children in such terrible situations.
I am glad you were able to go home to your herbal tea. You will be more help to people like that girl with clear, hangover free head. Well done.
I am glad you were able to go home to your herbal tea. You will be more help to people like that girl with clear, hangover free head. Well done.
Beginner
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
I agree that it's not a slip. Instead it's a reminder of how strong our habit energy is.
The habits that keep our feet walking into those aisles will fade as we continue to create the new habits of tea rather than poison, exercise rather than stupor, fellowship rather than isolation, etc.
Nicely done!
The habits that keep our feet walking into those aisles will fade as we continue to create the new habits of tea rather than poison, exercise rather than stupor, fellowship rather than isolation, etc.
Nicely done!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
congrats on your strength and resolve....for the first time yesterday I went to the grocery store that has a liquor right next to it..(my state does not allow liquor to be sold in a grocery, you have to go to separate store).....I looked in the window but kept walking.
I was thinking about a time when I once ate a "bad" tuna salad.....I was so deathly ILL...I couldn't even look at tunafish for over a year, the very thought of it made me queasy.....I wish it were that easy with wine....but i've never met a glass I didn't "like".
I was thinking about a time when I once ate a "bad" tuna salad.....I was so deathly ILL...I couldn't even look at tunafish for over a year, the very thought of it made me queasy.....I wish it were that easy with wine....but i've never met a glass I didn't "like".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South England
Posts: 118
I've been snowed under with degree work, and been a bit depressed to be honest. I don't think its anything to do with the not drinking (Day 24 today) but more my bipolar with pressures from work/MSc degree. I feel worn out with no energy. When I felt like that I would drink and be able to stay up all night working. I have noticed the major thing without drink is that i am tired a lot
Thanks for checking on me, its nice to know ppl care
<3
Thanks for checking on me, its nice to know ppl care
<3
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
well done on day 24!!
You're doing well and remember that trying to use booze as 'medicine' to alleviate depressive thoughts is a mugs game. It just keeps you locked in the same vicious depressive circle with no chance of escaping and the depression ultimately gets worse as the booze brings with it a whole host of other problems. But you already know that.
I think you are doing really well and once you find that you can work through depression without resorting to your old 'crutch' then it's a great feeling of pride and strength.
Peace
You're doing well and remember that trying to use booze as 'medicine' to alleviate depressive thoughts is a mugs game. It just keeps you locked in the same vicious depressive circle with no chance of escaping and the depression ultimately gets worse as the booze brings with it a whole host of other problems. But you already know that.
I think you are doing really well and once you find that you can work through depression without resorting to your old 'crutch' then it's a great feeling of pride and strength.
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South England
Posts: 118
Sorry guys but i'm back to Day 1 again today. I screwed up yesterday and had a glass of wine. Feel very very guilty and ashamed today. Told my partner too. Just the look in his eyes when i told him and he just said "its ok" was just disappointment...
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi angharad. I'm sorry for you that you drank but in the end it was your decision to take that glass of wine.
You have obviously came straight back onto SR and admitted it and also to your partner which is good in that you have been honest about it and obviously in 'recovery' honesty is crucial and if I recall you were reluctant to tell your partner at first about your drinking so that is obviously progress in that regard.
I am not like you in that for me there never was a glass of wine but I would rather not bother with merely a glass as I was an out and out binge-drinker. How did you get the glass of wine in the first place? Do you have booze in the house? I know for me there was only ever such thing as a blackout drunk so when I drank again after trying to get sober it consisted of heavy drink and drug binges off and on for a month and a half. I was finally beaten 8 months and 1 day ago and I was done. Couldn't take it anymore and knew total surrender was the only way for me. I am an alcoholic and drug addict.
Nobody gets it first time around (very rare) because the nature of alcoholism is that total and utter acceptance has to be gained in the knowledge of your own alcoholism. Remember however that many chase acceptance into the grave. Denial is also a massive part of alcoholism.
I know that I had to go to a lot of AA meetings as well as SR. This helped me a lot. Maybe you need to go to more AA meetings too? Ask yourself what would it have taken to do differently so that you wouldn't have drank?
Of course all of this is futile if you don't consider yourself an alcoholic. Only you can say if you're an alcoholic. But remember that alcohol is "cunning, baffling and powerful" so it is possible that now you are 'back in the game' it would be very easy for drinking to start creeping back into your life after-work or at weekends etc.
I say it again that what helps keep me sober the most is total and utter acceptance that I'm an alcoholic and I embrace this and am proud to be a recovering alcoholic. This is because I was ashamed to be a drunk.
Also remember when you are feeling like drinking the pledge that 'just for today I will not drink'. Also if you had of told on yourself before you took that drink it is very unlikely you would have took the drink. Tell on yourself here on SR or phone an AA. Doing this saves many an alcoholic from taking that first drink. it is a very fine line in the early days/months at certain times, certainly was for me anyway.
Remember also that unless you work a programme of recovery then you are still gonna be thinking exactly the same as the person a few weeks ago when you decided to get sober. AA refers to a 'spiritual awakening' needed to remove the compulsion to drink.
I refer to it as a radical change in thinking towards people and life and the world in general. I think a lot differently to how I did 8 months and 1 day ago. If I thought the same way then I would still be thinking like an alcoholic but just minus the drink; 'dry drunk' if you like.
Remember alcoholism is a 'thinking' and not a 'drinking' problem.
peace
You have obviously came straight back onto SR and admitted it and also to your partner which is good in that you have been honest about it and obviously in 'recovery' honesty is crucial and if I recall you were reluctant to tell your partner at first about your drinking so that is obviously progress in that regard.
I am not like you in that for me there never was a glass of wine but I would rather not bother with merely a glass as I was an out and out binge-drinker. How did you get the glass of wine in the first place? Do you have booze in the house? I know for me there was only ever such thing as a blackout drunk so when I drank again after trying to get sober it consisted of heavy drink and drug binges off and on for a month and a half. I was finally beaten 8 months and 1 day ago and I was done. Couldn't take it anymore and knew total surrender was the only way for me. I am an alcoholic and drug addict.
Nobody gets it first time around (very rare) because the nature of alcoholism is that total and utter acceptance has to be gained in the knowledge of your own alcoholism. Remember however that many chase acceptance into the grave. Denial is also a massive part of alcoholism.
I know that I had to go to a lot of AA meetings as well as SR. This helped me a lot. Maybe you need to go to more AA meetings too? Ask yourself what would it have taken to do differently so that you wouldn't have drank?
Of course all of this is futile if you don't consider yourself an alcoholic. Only you can say if you're an alcoholic. But remember that alcohol is "cunning, baffling and powerful" so it is possible that now you are 'back in the game' it would be very easy for drinking to start creeping back into your life after-work or at weekends etc.
I say it again that what helps keep me sober the most is total and utter acceptance that I'm an alcoholic and I embrace this and am proud to be a recovering alcoholic. This is because I was ashamed to be a drunk.
Also remember when you are feeling like drinking the pledge that 'just for today I will not drink'. Also if you had of told on yourself before you took that drink it is very unlikely you would have took the drink. Tell on yourself here on SR or phone an AA. Doing this saves many an alcoholic from taking that first drink. it is a very fine line in the early days/months at certain times, certainly was for me anyway.
Remember also that unless you work a programme of recovery then you are still gonna be thinking exactly the same as the person a few weeks ago when you decided to get sober. AA refers to a 'spiritual awakening' needed to remove the compulsion to drink.
I refer to it as a radical change in thinking towards people and life and the world in general. I think a lot differently to how I did 8 months and 1 day ago. If I thought the same way then I would still be thinking like an alcoholic but just minus the drink; 'dry drunk' if you like.
Remember alcoholism is a 'thinking' and not a 'drinking' problem.
peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South England
Posts: 118
my sister visited me and brought a bottle of wine, my partner was out, i didnt say no, simple. I've wasted 25 days of sobriety and trust on one glass of wine.
I feel like an idiot. Just had a good text from my partner saying that he forgives me and we can just start again at day one today.
Doesn't change the fact I cheated.
And yes I came on here and told everyone because I feel I need a good telling off :/
I feel like an idiot. Just had a good text from my partner saying that he forgives me and we can just start again at day one today.
Doesn't change the fact I cheated.
And yes I came on here and told everyone because I feel I need a good telling off :/
Beginner
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
We count days, and it's a double edged sword. In reality, we all are on day one every morning.
Don't drink today...that's our task whether we have 20 minutes or 20 years.
We remember why we needed to stop, we look at what can help us better today than yesterday, and we don't do it alone.
The fresh start is yours by right; may you embrace it and it treat you well!
Don't drink today...that's our task whether we have 20 minutes or 20 years.
We remember why we needed to stop, we look at what can help us better today than yesterday, and we don't do it alone.
The fresh start is yours by right; may you embrace it and it treat you well!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
All of my family know I am an alcoholic pretty much. Even told my Gran the other day as to why i haven't drank for 8 months. You know what? My brother had already been telling her I was an alcoholic at least a year ago. Git! lol.
Everyone I work with know that I don't drink. If they press me as to why they are very clear as to why! I appreciate everyones circumstances are different, particularly being in your line of work, but embracing being a recovering alcoholic means that situations like what happened won't happen so much.
If you really want to stay sober it might be a good idea to be straight with everyone. I know it was liberating for me and really showed my alcoholism that I mean business! No-more leaving "boltholes" to run to as Dee puts it.
Also remember to 'tell' on yourself before you take the drink!! Not afterwards it's too late then! Could you have just told your sister straight? Difficult I know but neccessary maybe?
Anyway good that you came back here and the 25 days aren't wasted. I had 37 days on June 5th 09 and had my medical to get my driving license back, which I lost for two years for drinking-driving, and then celebrated by going on a 3 day bender. Straight back into AA Monday evening and then repeated exactly the same thing a few weeks later but the binge lasted 7 days. It takes what it takes but I know that I only reached where i reached by taking alcohol and drug abuse to the limit to an extent where I knew I would be dead within 3-5 years probably from suicide because of the emotional/mental battering my binges took me on.
keep The Faith
Everyone I work with know that I don't drink. If they press me as to why they are very clear as to why! I appreciate everyones circumstances are different, particularly being in your line of work, but embracing being a recovering alcoholic means that situations like what happened won't happen so much.
If you really want to stay sober it might be a good idea to be straight with everyone. I know it was liberating for me and really showed my alcoholism that I mean business! No-more leaving "boltholes" to run to as Dee puts it.
Also remember to 'tell' on yourself before you take the drink!! Not afterwards it's too late then! Could you have just told your sister straight? Difficult I know but neccessary maybe?
Anyway good that you came back here and the 25 days aren't wasted. I had 37 days on June 5th 09 and had my medical to get my driving license back, which I lost for two years for drinking-driving, and then celebrated by going on a 3 day bender. Straight back into AA Monday evening and then repeated exactly the same thing a few weeks later but the binge lasted 7 days. It takes what it takes but I know that I only reached where i reached by taking alcohol and drug abuse to the limit to an extent where I knew I would be dead within 3-5 years probably from suicide because of the emotional/mental battering my binges took me on.
keep The Faith
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
I feel like an idiot. Just had a good text from my partner saying that he forgives me and we can just start again at day one today
I've relapsed too many times to remember but never gave up on myself, and when I felt like giving up on myself I came here and got the support and encouragement I so desperately needed.
If a 'next time' arrives, come here instead. We'll help you get thru it safely. We love ya!
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Originally Posted by angharad
I've wasted 25 days of sobriety and trust on one glass of wine.
:/
:/
Personally I wouldn't have been able to stop at one glass however.
Good for you.
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