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Old 02-26-2010, 07:00 AM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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yup its 14 days today! I have a work get together meal tonight and i feel awful cuz ive told them all im on antibiotics so can't drink therefore im driving! Everyone was like wtf?? I'm still in the "i miss drinking phase" which I hope will pass. The physical side effects have all gone now its just the emotional ones left. Have had a very stressful week this week with a new job i started on monday and every night ive thought about vodka. Partner has been great though. Thanks all <3
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Old 02-26-2010, 07:02 AM
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p.s oddly enough last night about 9pm i found myself looking in all my old 'stash' places for a drop :/ needless to say none there but still this is hard!
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Old 02-26-2010, 07:40 AM
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It IS hard at first, but with time it will become easier and being sober will be more 'normal' than drinking. You're doing great!
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Old 02-26-2010, 11:18 AM
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Hi Angharad,

Good luck at the meal tonight. Do you have any numbers for the other ladies in AA..........when you are feeling like you want a drink, it is very helpful to make a call. It's ok to reach out for help. You will always feel better after.
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Old 02-26-2010, 12:35 PM
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Always remember that all those others who are like wtf? are not alcoholics! Never forget that! They can drink in moderation or whatever and a night drinking at a meal/party ain't gonna f*ck their life totally up!

Remember the saying "this too shall pass". It always does. Accept that the mourning/grieving of alcohol is a natural thing for an alcoholic getting sober. If it weren't then there would be no need for AA/SR et al.

Just accept the mourning/grieving as being part of the process and try to see the humour in all of this when you can. I know that is hard at times but I often make jokes to people about my situation and past and it really helps me + others find it funny too that I have such acceptance and humour about it all!. They will never know the mental depths that alcoholism took me too though.

I weren't laughing in court losing my license for two years though wondering wtf has happened to my life or sitting in a park drinking superstrength alone. I remember just thinking WTF is it all about... life.

Just remember also that if booze did to others what it does to you then they wouldn't drink. Sounds obvious but it's so true.

Also I know my situation is totally different to yours and cannot be compared but while I don't openly tell people I am an alcoholic, they can pretty much read between the lines by what I say if pressed. This helps me keep rigid in my acceptance too as I have to be totally honest to myself. I find when you own what you say people don't answer back.

Also just keep it all totally in the day. If your thinking gets out of today then you're in trouble. Realise when this is happening and get to a AA meeting and share and reach out to others who have been there or get on SR and bash your feeling out on the keyboard. Whatever happens crucially don't take that first drink up or else you'll do what nearly all alcoholics do and bail out when the going gets tough.

ALso in recovery I developed faith. Something which i never had before really. Not to do with any religion or anything like that but a faith in the Good orderly Direction of what I knew was right and wrong and good and bad. The faith in previous recovering alcoholics and drug addicts who told me I was doing well and to stick with it and told me that they had been where I was.

I saw the Love and peace in recovery compared to the sordid and seedy world of alcohol and drug abuse.

Also I know it's hard but to stay sober I think it has to NO1 priority in life so maybe think about cutting out too many occassions where drink will be around being drunk by 'normies'. It can all get a bit of a "oh my life is over moment" and that is just what your alcoholic mind will latch onto.


Peace and Love xxx
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Old 02-26-2010, 05:14 PM
  # 106 (permalink)  
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Thanks guys well im home and still sober ending day 14! What I saw tonight was odd.....I saw how foolish pissed people are lol I saw how ppl talk **** when they're drunk, how ppl can't walk when they're drunk, and also how ppl have no sense of shame or humility when drunk!

Tonight has made me reflect a lot and its the strength of the SR community that is keeping me going. Thank you all for such wonderful support!

I also noticed I'm too shy to dance when im sober lol
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Old 02-26-2010, 05:31 PM
  # 107 (permalink)  
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I also noticed I'm too shy to dance when im sober lol
That's ok, at least you won't be falling down if you're dancing while drunk.
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Old 02-26-2010, 05:47 PM
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Congratulations on your 14 days Ang!

D
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:05 PM
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Day 15 down...again, went to the in laws for dinner and they keep looking at my belly despite me saying im not pregnant!! lol ...but its still hard. While at the in-laws tonight (they drink red wine but always keep a bottle of white in the fridge) I went to get a coke out the fridge and saw a half opened bottle of white....now i was a vodka drinking not a big fan of wine....but part of my brain was telling me to just grab the bottle and take a deep deep gulp from it! I had to slam the fridge door and walk away fast. Bed time now Going to try to get up at 8am on a Sunday for a swim!!!! lol We'll see -x-
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Old 02-27-2010, 06:17 PM
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Keep going Angh! Proud of you. You are so fortunate to have such a caring partner.

Do NOT miss your DAILY meeting. It helps more than we realize the first few decades....Keep trying hard no matter what happens.

You can and will do this. The life of your dreams awaits.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:11 AM
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You done well. You overcame a potential stumbling block with that half-opened bottle of wine. Shows that you truly don't want to drink.

What would have been the point in taking that big gulp?... may as well not bother really as without a bottle of Vodka waiting to get the buzz properly going then there's no point is there!... us Alcoholics eh!! lol.

Keep everything all a day at a time and before you know it you will have 30 days and then 90 days and then you start counting sobriety in months rather than days! Well That's how it was/is for me anyway. The more sober time you rack up then this obviously becomes somewhat of a deterrent and also it proves that you really can live without alcohol, but at times it is difficult, but then so is anything that is good.

And the peace and serenity and pride that I feel in sobriety is worth more than booze evr was. It feels great to achieve things in 'recovery' knowing where I was just a year ago.


peace and Love x

You are doing great and I agree that it's great that you have a supportive partner. Sure does help to have support and someone close to you to talk to and to support you.
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:42 AM
  # 112 (permalink)  
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Well done, Angharad. I hope you enjoyed your swim this morning, if you got there.
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:59 AM
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Smile

Keep going Anghard... you are doing amazingly. you have shown REAL
resilience...
peace and best wishes
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:21 AM
  # 114 (permalink)  
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Well done!

You faced a battle and won. It's amazing that we win our battles by what we don't do. Walking away/driving by is often the ultimate victory.

At the same time, not picking up that bottle takes enormous preparation to do skillfully--meetings, sharing, exercise, support, etc.

Keep it up...we'll get passed the obsession and into the light of sober living.
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:37 AM
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wow, you had 2 social occasions with alcohol back to back and you persevered. You are showing strength i don't know if I could do that at this time...congrats!
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:53 AM
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:ghug3 for you!
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:06 AM
  # 117 (permalink)  
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Thanks guys I won't lie and say it was easy. It wasn't. A huge part of me just wanted a shot of vodka when I went to the bar to order my soda and lime...at one point I did look around to see if my colleague could see me and almost ordered one but didn't. Its hard.

Today is Day 18 and appart from the physical side effects of dependence being gone Im still suffering emotionally. I did go for my swim, and again on Monday. But tonight for instance, I had a real ****** day at work today, I've got loads of studying to do now im home for my Master Degree and I just want to get drunk lol.

Speaking on a positive side note to do with my Masters Degree ( I am doing distance learning part time over 2 years MSc whilst working full time >.<) I got my marks for last semester where I spent most evenings pissed. I got 60% for one module but 84% for the other one!!! Imagine what I can achieve now im sober lol

Thanks guys n girls <3
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:24 AM
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congrats on your 18 days!!! and your studying will probably easier and less time consuming for you!

I don't think I could actually walk into a bar or pub right now, my resolve would probably dissolve, so i just avoid all places that serve any alcohol....I'm only at the point where I don't desire to go to the liquor store anymore after work.
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:38 AM
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I still get that desire but i guess one of my good traits in this respect is im stubborn and i hate letting people down. I know my partner would be SO disappointed in me if i stumbled and that is whats keeping me on the straight and narrow - only that, as i don't want to loose him I still think about alcohol namely vodka EVERY day ide probably say every hour if im honest
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:13 AM
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Hi angharad. I would say avoid all places/situations/environments where drink/drinkers are going to be around or it's likely that you'll take a drink at some point. It' only natural that it will happen as everyone else is doing it. But of course evryone else ain't alcoholics.

I hated feeling like some kind of Martyr for drinking soft-drinks when everyone else is drinking. Afterall it ain't because I'm a boring Sergeant safety square character but because I'm an alcoholic.

You have done really well so far and thanks for posting. Remember also that in some ways you need to ultimately be getting sober for you primarily so maybe re-evaluate what the realities of taking that nice little 'shot' of vodka like all those other happy, smiley people.

Sure it's hard, especially being young. It's especially hard because I loved pubs/clubs and the people who frequent them and the banter and everthing else that goes with it. I was hardcore to the marrow but I had to admit defeat to booze and realise that when I was sitting drinking at 6.30am and waiting for the shop to open then it was always going to end in tears... everytime.


peace and love x
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