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Setting myself up for failure

Old 02-10-2010, 09:40 PM
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Setting myself up for failure

I had wine tonight. I was doing so well, and then bam. I think I knew it was going to happen. All of the meetings I have been to... everyone said how they went "back out" two or three times, or more, before it stuck. I think this gave me a get out of jail free card. I actually knew it a week or so ago that it would happen even though I was loving being sober, how sad is that. The thing that was interesting is that first sip did not feel like it did before and neither were the other 40 sips. No rush, no calm, just mechanically drinking a glass of wine. Interesting to say the least.

So...
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Old 02-10-2010, 10:50 PM
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Relapse is not a requirement for recovery Mellie...but it happens.

It just means you have some adjustments to make to your recovery plan - I don't know what they are - only you can work that out....

I do know I never got anywhere until I found acceptance that I could never drink again - not even one glass of wine.

I can't drink alcohol - it robs me of everything.

D
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Old 02-11-2010, 12:04 AM
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Hi Mellie - For me, relapse was a way of showing myself what didn't work. I learned from it and then finally was able to quit for good.

I think, as you correctly pointed out, that we relapse in our minds long before we relapse by actually taking the drink. Therefore, one of my new life tools is to recognize when I am starting to think that way and then take immediate action to change my thinking. One technique that I find quite helpful is to say: "Wait until tomorrow. Give this feeling a day to pass." Then, I make sure that I get a good night sleep and do some active work on my recovery.

Many of the people that I work with are able to abstain, but they don't really work on their recovery. Eventually, this will usually lead to relapse. I have found that I need to do something on my recovery each day. When I am busy, reading a couple of posts on SR may be all that I can do. Other days, I will work with another alcoholic or speak at meetings. You will find what works for you, but I feel that it is the actions that keep me sober.

No harm done, just get back on the path. You will do it, but only when you are ready.
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Old 02-11-2010, 12:25 AM
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I would suggest giving the people who have relapsed at any point a wide berth unless that is what you want for yourself in the future, my sponsor got sober 24 years ago after walking into AA the first time...kind of like if i wanted to set up my own business i would value the advice of someone who had set one up and ran it successfully for 24 years rather than some tit who ran one for 10 years went bust then started another one second time lucky...its all about what you want i guess?!

Of course this is assuming that the people you are talking to have worked ALL the steps to the best of their ability otherwise you might as well be listening to the people you used to drink with at the bar...
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Old 02-11-2010, 04:07 AM
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Originally Posted by mellieJan2010 View Post
I had wine tonight. I was doing so well, and then bam. I think I knew it was going to happen. All of the meetings I have been to... everyone said how they went "back out" two or three times, or more, before it stuck. I think this gave me a get out of jail free card. I actually knew it a week or so ago that it would happen even though I was loving being sober, how sad is that. The thing that was interesting is that first sip did not feel like it did before and neither were the other 40 sips. No rush, no calm, just mechanically drinking a glass of wine. Interesting to say the least.

So...
Doesn't feel like it did before because you've got a head full of AA, and a belly full of wine. It'll be a tough spot to be in, but you'll get back on the path when you're ready. I was there for a few months -- going to meetings, reading the big book, while drinking. Hell of a spot. Eventually I had enough, after I paid a few more consequences.

I wish you the best, though!
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Old 02-11-2010, 05:13 AM
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Forgive yourself, learn from it, and start moving forward again. (((hugs)))
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Old 02-11-2010, 05:53 AM
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It is good that you didn't get all the positive effects like the rush and the calm that you used to crave.
It may be an idication that the craving is gone and going forward it will be much easier to not bother to be bothered to pour that glass of wine because you know there is nothing in it that you want.
Onward and upward.
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Old 02-11-2010, 07:08 AM
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Relapse is not a mandantory part of recovery, but for some it is part of their recovery.

Since I got into AA I have not relapsed once, not to brag just a fact so far. Every meeting I go to if some one is coming back in I am all ears, I have yet to hear one single person who relapsed say how great it was, all of them have shared the almost instant dissappointment when they take that first drink. Like you they knew they had planned the relapse ahead of time but they did not see the signs of the relapse coming.

I work my recovery daily and I look inward and see if I might be working towards a relapse as well. So far I have let others continue with the experimintation for me & others, so far those that have made it back share a lot of the same things:

1. Quit going to meetings,
2. Quit praying.
3. Quit speaking to fellow alcoholics.
4. Quit reading recovery literature.
5. Basically they quit working thier program on a daily basis.
6. A few beleived the myth that relapse is a part of recovery.

Several things have made a huge difference in my recovery:

1. Having & using a sponsor.
2. Taking the steps and applying them daily to all areas of my life.
3. Working with other alcoholics.
4. Staying in touch with others in recovery.
5. Attending meetings
6. Taking others through the steps.
7. Working my program to the best of my ability daily.
8. Prayer & meditation.

I will tell you what I have heard many times in the rooms, you never have to drink again unless you choose to!

Dust your self off & move forward with the dedication that your very life depends upon your recovery...... it does!
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Old 02-11-2010, 08:17 AM
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Originally Posted by mellieJan2010 View Post
All of the meetings I have been to... everyone said how they went "back out" two or three times, or more, before it stuck.
Maybe you could find some meetings where people are working the program of AA. I think you'll find that those people are not continually relapsing. Look around. Evaluate things. The people that are going 'back out' are the same people that have not had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps. They may pay a little lip service to it, but in almost all cases, they have not taken the suggested actions.

There are certain requirements for successful consummation of the AA program. If you haven't met those requirements, you can have no expectation of successful recovery. It's not something that one day just magically 'sticks' by being around people who are not drinking. Self, searching, leveling of pride, confession of shortcomings (i.e. the 12 Steps) are the requirements for success.
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Old 02-11-2010, 08:36 AM
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Thanks everyone for your advice and input. I don't feel defeated, just set back.
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Old 02-11-2010, 08:11 PM
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Wow. I just got back from a meeting... a new one I had never been to before. The topic was chips. I felt like I should return my 24 hour chip I decided to keep it and give it back to myself in a few hours. A few people talked about relapsing (how convenient for me). There was a 2 month relapse, 2 year relapse and a 12 year relapse. I knew I had a relapse in me and I am glad I got it out of my system now instead of 2 months or more down the road. I guess I am glad, just looking on the bright side I guess. There was a woman with 15 years who has never relapsed too. All very inspirational and supportive. So, I will go the women's meeting I really like on Saturday and find myself a sponsor.
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