Acceptance of what I really was...
 

I can honestly say to all of you and to myself. I was a Binge Drinker. It wasn't until I started reading and posting on this site that made me realize it. And come to terms with it. I think it helps to know I am not alone, by hearing everyone else's stories on here. I really started to lose myself in the drinking, even it was only happening once or twice a month.
I remember being 16 and saying I was never going to be that person. And seeing people at concerts when I was that same age saying if I was going to drink I'd wait at least til after the concert. Why waste the money on the ticket if you are just going to get drunk?!?!? well, the first concert I ever went to once I was legal age....I got drunk. What happened along the way?
What happened to that girl that believed in so much more?
Well, I am going to a concert in less than 2 weeks with my boyfriend and we are actually sooooooo excited to see a show SOBER!! And actually remember and enjoy it ALL.
I am 31 and didn't start drinking until I was 21, but now I look back on such wasted years...OMG.
why can drinking be sooooo socially acceptable?
I am def closing that chapter of my life FOR GOOD.
My eyes have really opened up to the things that I use to say to justify my actions/behavior related to drinking and why I drank and that I didn't have a problem because I didn't do it on a regular basis.
Thanks to all for listening. So much on my mind right now. I really enjoy reading everyone's post. Such good points, advice and insight....
I can't believe I am FINALLY owning up to what I was....
I def was in denial.

Well we have the same age,but i start when i was 14,if we don't drink again

we could say that we are very lucky,sadly some people don't realize in their whole

life that they have problems with alcohol

Hi Cold, that is very true....and many on here say we are lucky to have stopped now before we are in our 40's or 50's!! :)

Its a big step to admit that freespirit, and to look at your past in the clear white light that acceptance brings.

I wish you luck on your intended journey - you too Cold :)

D

I am glad that recovery is giving some perspective on your drinking problem.

Denial is such a huge part of addiction, it's wonderful when we can finally see clearly.

When I was drinking alcohol took away my sight. I was unable or unwilling to see what I had become. Now I look back and and am amazed how clouded my thinking was.

I think it is because I never let it get in the way of my job. It was a "weekend" thing. Or as a couple of family members had said "HEY it's okay to be a functional alkie" - well you know what...it's not....and I was a few years ago. But then it got way out of hand and I did cut it off to weekends only, meaning nights or days that I didn't have to work the next day...
I had also been surrounding myself by those that made up the same kinds of excuses and now I am ready to venture out on my own, well sorta, my bf and I are doing this together. In the same boat, I feel stronger having a "teammate" by my side.
I have a co worker that has been sober for like 20-25 years or something, she has done it all with AA, she has offered to go with me but that's not for me but she is a great support person too!!

yeah i never thought i'd be an alcoholic. that only happened to crazy people like hobos. i was normal. and my drinking was normal. yes, buying a 12-pack or 2 jugs of wine every day is normal. sure.

Me two years ago: "It's not normal???"

Me tonight: "It's not normal."

Welcome. I so wish I would have gotten my act together at your age. You are very, wise to take care of this situation, now.

SR can help. :)

I knew I was a binge drinker. That much was obvious but then that was cool in my eyes. Englands whole society is made up of binge-drinking. Very hard to find people who haven't binge-drank in many ways to be honest.

I liked the label of binge-drinker too, summed up my generations attitute towards booze and getting wasted. I didn't mind being a binge-drinker or being labelled as such, it's pretty obvious that if everytime you drink booze then you drink shedloads of it then you're a binge-drinker.

My real breakthrough came when I accepted what I really am and that is an alcoholic. Before I admitted that then sooner or later when I was offered a drink at a party or a b'day celebration or on Christams day or at NYE then why wouldn't I take it? After all I'm only a binge drinker so today I just won't binge drink.

I can only share my experience and you're probably much different to me in relation to this but I used to label myself as a binge-drinker, F*ckhead, Mashead, party boy, wreckead, rock n' roller etcetc everything but what I am ie- Alcoholic. That was the key for me in maintaining sobriety - total and utter acceptance that I am an alcoholic. An alcoholic who always binge-drank and loved binge-drinking. But I am an alcoholic. Now a 'recovering' alcoholic.


All The Best

Hmmmm, seeing an awful lot of myself in your post. Thank you, I needed that.

Thanks Tyler...glad to know i am not alone....

freespirit78 close the door..... absolutely, but I found that closing the door was needed, but I also needed to remember what was behind that door for me to learn from and also to share with others where I had come from.

This I have found to be very true after taking step 9 to heart:

Taz, Only meant closing the door as in I am not going to continue that behavior. I do regret my choices in the past but through this site I am learning to grow from it.

Sarah, I have read many of your posts and can COMPLETELY relate. I am officially on day 4, quit on Sunday. Saturday was my last binger and last time to drink. Sunday I just decided it wasn't worth it. I am not going to have any problems getting through the week or each day or heck even through the weekend. What is going to be hard is social functions. I have talked with my co worker that has 24 yrs of soberity and has been in AA the whole time. I told her that I have decided for now it's best for me to decline invites that I know will have drinking. The environment and people make it too tempting. Maybe someday it will get easier.

You are wise to avoid the situations where people will be drinking for the first few months freespirit.
I know I needed to do that.
The interesting thing is when I did have to go to one I found all the intoxicated people quite annoying and I knew that I used to be one of the annoying ones. :)
We all think we are careless and classless and witty and free when we are loaded but maybe that was just an illusion.
Keep at it.

I totally agree!!! and I KNOW i was the most OBNXIOUS of them all....
Quite honestly, I feel like being/becoming sober is like growing up for me!! YAY!!!!